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shedpog329
April 8th, 2017, 07:30 PM
dfsfdasdf

Jay Greenstein
April 8th, 2017, 09:36 PM
It seems you may have taken Bunthorne's advice (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu_Xk_Vl6fk).

bdcharles
April 10th, 2017, 03:29 PM
Ok, so it seems as if you are going for quite a poetic-prose vibe here. If I imagine it read in the same voice that reads Jim Morrison's "An American Prayer" it sort of almost works. But with lines like "there was a deliverance from these tangencies" it is very easy for this to fly off into the realm of the pretentious. It took me a few goes to get there though and I have to confess I expected to hate it. I didn't, though some bits simply didn't make sense; eg:

"Who had thought that if not gratitude here, or was there anyway to make it where he thought it should lie?"

Bard_Daniel
April 13th, 2017, 03:21 AM
Interesting story, Shedpog. It leaves much to the interpretation of the reader, or so methinks.