View Full Version : Christmas Supper

December 25th, 2016, 09:18 PM
Deleted 2-2-2017

December 25th, 2016, 10:55 PM
If you posted that for critique i can't help you.

Well written and a good read imo.



Olly Buckle
December 25th, 2016, 11:33 PM
Neither of my sons and family would be able to spend this holiday with my wife and me and so the early celebration. This sounds a bit awkward, it could be simpler. 'The family could not co-ordinate - and so the early celebration' for example

“Their playing ‘growed up’ games out back, Poppa,” he grumped.
Their, possessive; They're, abbreviation of 'they are'. "They're holding out their hands"

Josh wanted company and truth be told I didn’t mind one bit.Subsiduary phrase, commas, "Josh wanted company and, truth be told, I didn’t mind one bit." Hear the pauses? And the sentence would work without that bit, it is an extra.

My grandson was always welcome company at the foot of my chair, playing with his toys or in my lap for a story. Commas on the list, "My grandson was always welcome company, at the foot of my chair, playing with his toys, or in my lap for a story.

His big brown eyes shinned with happy expectations and crossed his little arms over his chest to emphasize impatience.The double consonant changes the vowel sound, shinned is what you do up trees, shone is the past of shine. His eyes did not cross his arms, 'he crossed'

his skin felt as I would might imagine an angel’s cheek would feel like. This is not working, ' his skin felt as I might imagine an angel’s cheek.'

Sorry, the missus wants a cupof tea, she has been cooking all day :) Hope this bit helps