View Full Version : (Untitled Story) (Novel... 621 words)

November 28th, 2016, 08:13 AM
Didn't really outline too much for this... but I hope you enjoy it likewise.

Chapter 1

I’ll be honest with you these days it’s quite hard to be me. Hard to be a person of colour, hard to be a person to just wake up one day and be living life like any other person would. I could go on and on and tell you the most bizarre and unorthodox things you could just run and not hear them if you ever could since your simply just reading this or I could tell you that this life I live is just for the sake-as in just like everyone else reliability to just relax and take a step back and just take in the whole existence and the cycle of life goes again when your dead well not today. Today I Abel Tesfaye will begin a rigorous test to prove my worth of a human being and as an Ethiopian. For my felicity and for my own self-seeking eyes that I am simply just a man... a man with great knowledge that this will be my time to shine and find out who I am… who I am as a person, a black person. To tell you in retrospect I lived a lot of my life in some sort of denial that I am just a guy who simply wanted to just live like a celestial being. It was silly the day I thought that it was felt it was all over for me, no clue in how I had scheme this or how I thought that this was a conclusion to a life of a African. I always wondered as a man why I was always so shy and always having to life in the rules of an African who had to conform to the ideals of being a black person when I have ancestry to Arabs. I am a guy check; I am a shy timid person check! But what does this mean? I am still a man; I am still a person who must go through the everyday battles of being a Canadian in Canada. The motivation behind the whole ‘I-am-an-Ethiopian’ person that needs to be proved that we are simply just people of colour is despicable and absurd! We are humans! And now for the rest of the story I will leave it to my father or someone who will judge me for the rest of my life as a follower to nothing. I follow no race, I follow no life, I only follow my own sorrow for the intention of a loose cannon perhaps I have rambled a bit too much here but I promise you that this conversation with you will be my last. To be fair I lost everything I owned because of my selfishness. I really have to prove myself to you as well. Likewise, here we begin…

‘Father, I have something to tell you.’

‘Yes, Abel?’

‘I had an Epiphany today.’

‘What is that?’

‘I am as girlish as I can be, understand?’

Adding ‘I am a loser, but an Ethiopian loser who thinks I am as what I say I am.’

‘Why? I-I’

‘I am just a girl, and no matter how you can understand this, boy or girl, we Ethiopians are the same, in fact no gender should ever come between this and these things I’m telling you about.’

‘Son I don’t understand.’

‘You will know, understand?’

‘Excuse me?’

I walked out of the house and left to feel a little over the weather. I wept and felt sorrow for once in my life. For the first time, and this time it was business as usual for someone of my stature. Ethiopian problems are the hardest to endeavor but we will persevere. For my sake that is.

November 29th, 2016, 07:49 PM
Why not start with the dialogue? Why not use the dialogue as a vehicle for the message and the struggle that you're experiencing? It's like a joke: if you explain the joke before you tell it, the joke isn't as funny. If you explain the interaction before it takes place, you undermine the impact of that situation, and hearing is always less interesting than seeing something. I would chop that whole first paragraph and engage the characters in the conversation. You can say everything you need to say in that one conversation.

November 30th, 2016, 06:17 AM
Yes ok. I understand. Thanks for your feedback.