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The Fantastical
November 13th, 2016, 07:21 PM
And now for something not so serious!

Why do we love them? The fleas, the ticks, the mud all through the house! That present left on your pillow in the night. The lawn is never without a hole, the plants never live long. Why do we love them so? Is it the safety they give us from unwanted guests? Is it the comfort of another body in the house? Maybe is it the easy start fires on a winter night? There it is again, the look, all big round eyes and wriggling bum and once again I love you so, my dearest pet, my companion, my dragon.

CrimsonAngel223
November 13th, 2016, 11:15 PM
Pretty good. Like this piece. I wish I could say something other than pretty good (not good of a critquer) but it was pretty interesting.

Srossics
November 14th, 2016, 02:55 AM
We love fleas and tics because we are all secretly entomologists.
We love plants because they give us food and oxygen.
No, unwanted guests aren't bothered by them.
For some, it's because something else is inside, but others it's not.
Yes, most people would agree that easy-start fires are generally seen as a good thing, as long as they aren't used for arson.

(I just thought I'd be silly and answer each question you asked. I actually liked this. It was quite charming.)

The Fantastical
November 14th, 2016, 04:53 AM
By all means! Let your silly out, it is good for you! :D lol Thank you both for the lovely comments... I was sort of wandering it is was in the right format? Maybe it would work better in a poem-ish style? Not that I know a thing about poetry! Other than I like Ogden Nash... lol

Bard_Daniel
November 25th, 2016, 02:48 AM
Nice little snippet here. It made my day all the better for reading it!

Thanks for sharing! : D

1Zaslowcrane1
November 25th, 2016, 11:13 PM
Hi Zaslow Here
You wrote:
Maybe is it the easy start fires on a winter night?
What? It may be clear in your brain, but you need to make it clear to the reader.
I'm certain what the point of this short story was...That wasn't clear either.
Rewrite?
Stay well
Best Wishes
Z

The Fantastical
November 26th, 2016, 08:28 AM
Hi Zaslow Here
You wrote:
Maybe is it the easy start fires on a winter night?
What? It may be clear in your brain, but you need to make it clear to the reader.
I'm certain what the point of this short story was...That wasn't clear either.
Rewrite?
Stay well
Best Wishes
Z

It was a short about pet dragons... It is all explained in the last line -

There it is again, the look, all big round eyes and wriggling bum and once again I love you so, my dearest pet, my companion, my dragon.

As for- Maybe is it the easy start fires on a winter night?, dragons breath fire, so it stands to reason that if you have a pet dragon that starting fires would be easier.

1Zaslowcrane1
November 26th, 2016, 05:29 PM
Maybe is it the easy start (of?) fires
I don't know. I'm no expert, these were just my thoughts. I "get" it that he has a pet dragon,, Im not dumb, nor do I want you to spoonfeed me, it just seemed as though it needs clarification

Firemajic
November 26th, 2016, 05:47 PM
And now for something not so serious!

Why do we love them? The fleas, the ticks, the mud all through the house! That present left on your pillow in the night. The lawn is never without a hole, the plants never live long. Why do we love them so? Is it the safety they give us from unwanted guests? Is it the comfort of another body in the house? Maybe is it the easy start fires on a winter night? There it is again, the look, all big round eyes and wriggling bum and once again I love you so, my dearest pet, my companion, my dragon.


Maybe a poem... of course, I am going to suggest that.... because? Well, I am a poet...hahaaa....
When telling a story, there is a different criteria from... say, poetry...
JMO, but poetry gives you a little more freedom to be creative... try it... turn this into a poem, and here is your real challenge: Write a poem about your Dragon... WITH OUT using the word "Dragon"... unchain your creativity and your Dragon... show me your Dragon through imagery... huummm? Yeah.... ;)

The Fantastical
November 26th, 2016, 07:50 PM
Maybe a poem... of course, I am going to suggest that.... because? Well, I am a poet...hahaaa....
When telling a story, there is a different criteria from... say, poetry...
JMO, but poetry gives you a little more freedom to be creative... try it... turn this into a poem, and here is your real challenge: Write a poem about your Dragon... WITH OUT using the word "Dragon"... unchain your creativity and your Dragon... show me your Dragon through imagery... huummm? Yeah.... ;)

Hmmm, A challenge.... *gets gleam in eye*

Fire Breather,
Flying Lizard,
Get off!
Run!
Aaahhgggg!

So many names for you,
My precious scaled jewel.
Misunderstood for your joy in the chase,
and shared delight,
In all things that sparkle.

Don't they see the love in your eyes?
Or the comfort of you curled,
Around my feet on a cold night?

All big eyes, wriggling bum,
and joyful kiss's,
I love you so!
My Precious!

JaneC
November 30th, 2016, 04:57 PM
This is great! I loved the first snippet and then you answered with the second poem. Loved it all!

What a great idea to give something as menacing sounding as a dragon, the loving sentiments one would give a dog.

The Fantastical
November 30th, 2016, 06:06 PM
This is great! I loved the first snippet and then you answered with the second poem. Loved it all!

What a great idea to give something as menacing sounding as a dragon, the loving sentiments one would give a dog.

Thanks! I thought that it was a good twist to the normal tale! lol

Did you catch the second half of my first chapter that I posted?

JaneC
December 1st, 2016, 04:06 AM
no, but I'm going to go check it out now!

The Fantastical
December 1st, 2016, 05:16 AM
no, but I'm going to go check it out now!

It's in the same thread as the first half!