View Full Version : Halia's Orb (1682 Words) (Short Story)

November 8th, 2016, 12:39 AM
Halia had to try and deter the boar by throwing twigs and rocks on her way back to her village of The Pass after fetching some water by the Prolonging Stream. Getting herself in a heap of danger from the risk of her dog being slain by it’s ivory tusks and teeth. She made sure that her dog would not be attacked by such a creature as that.

‘Back off!’ she said

Returning home she sat down firmly on a haystack and touched the water with her nimble hands. It felt frigid cold, too cold and too banal to be used to such hands. Regardless she drenched them inside and got used to as she had too in the quickest sense. How was she going to clean her dirty hands anyway?

A gust of wind arrived and orbs circulated around her orbiting in silence and came out figures. Bearded figures each bearing a symbol of each arcane element. Wind, Thunder, and Ember.

‘Welcome to your destiny.’

One wizard pointed out ‘She had touched the frost!’

Perplexed she spoke ‘H-h-hi? What do you mean? This thing! The water?’


‘Are you pirates?’

She had a newer train of thought ‘I am here to just work; you are very strange hooded people.’

Sir thunderbolt replied ‘We are wizards of our respectable orbs! You address me as Sir Thunderbolt!’

Confused she angrily said ‘Look! Whoever you are I am just here to do my job, I’m a farm-girl, who are you?’

The wizard took her hand and observed it carefully.

‘You’re a wizard now and one of the elements of the cold.’

‘Excuse me, goodness gracious, a wizard!?'


‘Why do you make these aye’s? You’re not pirates…’

‘Stand up Sea-Raven!

She blinked mindlessly ‘h-how do you know my name?’

‘We know because we have spotted your hands on the water, that water is flowing with arcane power, specially of the cold. Now you must be acquainted with your realm.’

Adding ‘See for each realm we live in, we steer it as we please, we train in it as we please, we fight for it as we please, we are wizards of our lonely kingdom, be within yours!’

‘Lonely? How come?’

‘We still have in fact well- just our comrades to other wizards.’

An orb flashed within her eye and a beam of light abruptly came out of nowhere and she was gone.


In the realm called the Short Life- the world where Halia Sea-raven came by, it was a bright sunny wintry kingdom of snow and icicles dropping from the trees and bending of the trailing dirt and snow guiding her to her lonely kingdom: A tall crystal blue edifice with windows shaped as ravens to the memory of her clothing as it was ripping apart when she walked closer and closer to her kingdom of the frosty air.

‘My Clothes! Ravenous clothes, why?’

She stopped in suspense of her garments and looked overlooking the scenery towards the castle and the icy path that became a slide to get to her kingdom a bit quicker and efficiently she came riding the waves of the slide and took a swirling path to a underground passage to get to her throne of ice.

‘What is that orb over there I say!’

She grabbed an orb of ice as a miniature replica of her kingdom like this was some sort of souvenir shop and threw it away only to be caught by her friend... her dog? Made of ice? And who else was there? She wondered about that when she made her way in a walk to get there as the slide stopped and took a torchlight walkthrough straight into the stairs that carried her into the kingdom of her forced inheritance. She had no choice but to live in it for the rest of her life. Or until she breaks free from it? But can’t anyway, there she noticed wizards welcoming her in. Each of the symbols of ice pictured on their hooded cloaks.

‘Welcome Halia, Queen of Cold,’

‘Welcome Queen of Cold!’ They chanted

Snow began to fall over her glass-less view, she could gaze the valleys and rabbits, and bizarre little snowmen but upon cities of people living their lives within the orb of her world.

‘My hand! Why are you wizards always touching my hands?’

‘It’s a gesture of your greatness queen of the cold.’

Beams of light arrived and her throne sat there sitting in place.

‘This throne moves to your hands you know.’

‘Why? I am so c—cccol- hey wait! I’m not shivering!’

‘This is your world, queens don’t catch colds, you are the cold.’

‘And I presume you are- ‘

Sir Frost bowed proudly

‘I am Sir frost, a comrade to you, queen of cold.’

‘I heard I was supposed to be trained for some- ‘

A force arrived from the frosty sky descending below the windows of the tall thorny blue castle.

‘Get down!’


‘I said get down!’

The force tried to devour them and be a shard of ice but not today and the frost wizard tried to combat it.

He turned to ice and fought the force with power of it’s near-limiting strength.

‘See queen! My power is limiting!’

Adding ‘Duck down!’

‘I will fight it too! I can’t stand confrontations!’

‘It will destroy you!’

Halia charged up some sort of spell and returned a force back to it but it wasn’t of ice it was of the earth and it shook the force. A ball of some darkness sending it to the sky and it left with such brevity and humiliation. This force was a person but it wasn’t known to them.

‘Your clothes, you were naked- now you wear clothes’

She noticed her hood and robe.

‘Wow, good on me!’


The precautions of going into the great unknown were presented to her and taken well lightly although to her sake it had to be apparent that her training as a sorceress of her respected element had to be tweaked and trained to the highest of her talents. Such as that she was knocked back and thrown to the ground as a warning to always be vigilant and careful of her surroundings.

‘What was that for?’

‘Always be cautious of everything dear! Even us!’

The snowy kingdom continued to fall fairly throughout the realm on another not-so clear day on the 2nd of her inception to the orb of frost and until that day when she had to embark on a trip to the sanctuary. Another passage threw out of nowhere and took her deep within an underground grassy setting below the depths of the white earth of snow.

‘Until you’ve completed your training, we must need you to stay inside the grassy realm, stones may bar your path, but be careful.’

‘Aye! I understand completely!’

‘Thanks for cooperating to us my queen!’

‘Stay strong wizards!’ She yelled

‘A piece of our power, since we bare almost none.’

It came to her with Enlighten knowledge without any celestial or elements to give her some sort of aura as it somehow surged through her blood and gave her a glowing blue.

She went below the staircases and found herself in a bind with some stones floating, haunting, spiny entities that were not of the elements of ice and the deeper she went they were becoming abstract and space-less until she reached the confinements of the plains rising to the tallest grass above when she arrived.

‘Toughie! But I must train and hone my skills to fight this force.’

She ran and threw every spell of ice and earth she could muster and strike at anything it propelled at her. Each spell was powerful than the last and it came with no remorse or anger.

‘For the people of ice, the wizards!’ she struck one target down.

‘I will save this realm…’

She strikes another target upwards to the tallest plains on these stairs she trudged up.

Another one… down.

When she arrived to the top the fight began to quicken up a little and things got a little faster and harder when Halia had to take on a madman and his little riddles of lore and she didn’t give into the game of his game. And began to change into an icicle and rained down ice over the mad hatter. Sending him down but rose again.

‘Ok! Here we go… another round, shall we?’

‘My game, my rules little girl…’


‘Go on…’

The fight was over just like that and the hatter was defeated and Halia returned to come back to her kingdom to sit back in her throne.

‘What happened here!’

The force was a person and was feasting on their ice, it ate anything of ice and was going to devour the snow and her too if she did not do anything. It charged and plowed it dark force sweeping it’s darkness over her.

‘No you don’t, come die!’

‘WRRRRRRRRRR!!!!’ It went

It covered her like a curtain and blanked the halls of her kingdom. This would likely be a terrible thing now as this evil force was at it’s pinnacle of anger.

‘You have angered me false creature!’

Adding ‘What are you?’

‘Who are you?’

Halia replied ‘I am the queen of cold!’

‘Your just a girl, a feeble and mettlesome girl, who are you!’

‘I am the queen!’

‘I am going to slay you WRRRRR!’

‘How? I am far stronger than you, thing of darkness!’

‘A force, not to forget little one, a silent force but I have voice now.’

‘I see!’

‘Stay out of my orb wizard, so I see you have a cloak and a hood!’


Halia fitted her hands together in a fist and became a chariot of ice shooting horses of aqua blue crystals at the curtaining darkness. The force twisted it’s head and opened its mouth attempting to swallow her whole like food. She dodged its mouth and took a step back to the door. She opened the doors of her hall and went inside the next room.

November 8th, 2016, 02:51 AM
I had to unfortunately stop during the first "section" you need to have more clarification on who is talking with three or more characters in my opinion, it get's sort of confusing,

Also the boar scene seems pointless to me, it seems like dare I say pointless exposition other than she lives in a village, has a dog and is some danger that you immediately cut from the story. I mean if your going to have this sense of a boar chasing her, you need to actually add on to that, it seems pointless to have that plot point other than just for some needless exposition.

I also know it is a short story but less telling, more showing. Tell us how cold, banal (I liked the use of this word) and lifeless the water is. I can take your word that the water is poignant but she needs to wash her hands. Show us more.

While I couldn't finish the story in its entirety I feel that you have definitely have a story, I feel like it needs some tweaks and changes to put it on another level.

November 8th, 2016, 02:58 AM
It's all Sir Thunderbolt and Sir Ember talking. Try reading it now, I could change it if you like

November 10th, 2016, 04:17 PM
a curious admixture of an interesting world (I won't mention the F-word, you know, the one with six letters and a "z" in it), plus a dash of great phrasing, all mixed up in some work that needs some serious grammatical and stylistic tidying up.

I really liked this "Halia fitted her hands together in a fist and became a chariot of ice shooting horses of aqua blue crystals at the curtaining darkness. "

Keep at it. :)

November 10th, 2016, 10:11 PM
Thank you.