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rickyknight1
October 7th, 2016, 01:55 PM
I'm walking on a dirt trail, it's dark and I need to get home; the only problem is--my house is up on a hill. It's surrounded by a forest, and in order for me to get there--I have to go through these woods.

To make things worst, there's been strange reports about people going missing in these thickets. I've often heard many terrified screams on nights like this one, a black sky with no moon.

Then in the morning we often find blood stains splattered across dry ground and among the dry leaves. I told my parents since I'm only a teenager, that I would never be late coming home.
But tonight--it seems the clock has escaped me; I'm being elluded by the sands of time, like when words fall on death ears.

I decide to take my first step towards destiny; I'm sneaking into this haphazard timberland. The trees look abandoned and desecrated; their leaves are deformed and malnourished--they appear to be unloved by anyone.

I see a group of crows perched on a stripped-down branch of a tree, the only thing that remains is its pale exoskeleton. While they are gathered like a choir on its decaying body; they they start to cock their heads at me. As if to mock me--I hate their eyes, they're pitch black and are looking right into my soul.

They just keep looking, and looking--I'm starting to lose it! I want them to stop but, they just keep on looking at me! A few start humming what sounds like a lovely tune, lullabies sung to the dead corpses before they eat it.

I take off running--I go deeper into the woods, passing through all the trees; when I come across a mysterious fog. Its sting feels alive, and now I have no way of getting back because--I don't know where I am. It's way too dark. I hear faint whispers in the distance, scurrying footsteps all around me.

"H-hello...is someone there?" Now I hear nothing but silence. Oh! Wait--there it goes again. A set of footsteps are running behind me, I quickly turn in its direction. Now...silence.
"This isn't funny you know" I said. In the hopes that whoever is playing this prank--might admit defeat. I try walking forward, when I hear laughter--like that of a little girl.

Just as I continue walking, she jumps right in front of me. I scream out of shear terror when I notice this girl--who's wearing torn up clothing with blood stains on it; her thick raven hair is so long--that it covers her face. She is bear foot, they are covered in black soil and hardended mud.

"W-who are you?" I ask. She remains silent, then flashes her yellow fangs at me. She twist her head sideways, then licks her lips, which is covered with blood,
"I just want to go home, please--don't hurt me." I cry out. She opens her mouth to hiss at me--then she goes launching in my direction.

I try running, as quickly as I can but, not too long after--I too start to scream for help in this placid darkness.

dither
October 9th, 2016, 09:33 PM
Knight1,
i like this, there's a story here, but it's grating with me and i'm nor sure how to proceed with my comment.
The fist two sections i would prefer to see joined together with an "and".

" Walking along a dirt trail perhaps"...

" through these woods and to make things worse........."

Splattered and scattered? mmm,,,,

In the morning we often find blood stains splattered across the dry ground and among the dry leaves.

Taking my first steps toward destiny i decided to.....

Gang of crows? Not sure about gang.

Crows perched on that stripped down branch of a tree, the only thing that remains is it's pale exoskeleton, have assembled like..... ( a choir ? )

"I decide///i see///i take///i just.
Too much of " I " for me but maybe that's just me. I prefer longer sentences and that is a tricky one.

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Like i said, there's a story here. I wouldn't be here if i didn't like it, but it is in need of a re-work imo.
I don't have the credentials to offer any sort of advice, and am merely responding as a joe public reader.

Hang in there Knight1.

rickyknight1
October 9th, 2016, 09:53 PM
Knight1,
i like this, there's a story here, but it's grating with me and i'm nor sure how to proceed with my comment.
The fist two sections i would prefer to see joined together with an "and".

" Walking along a dirt trail perhaps"...

" through these woods and to make things worse........."

Splattered and scattered? mmm,,,,

In the morning we often find blood stains splattered across the dry ground and among the dry leaves.

Taking my first steps toward destiny i decided to.....

Gang of crows? Not sure about gang.

Crows perched on that stripped down branch of a tree, the only thing that remains is it's pale exoskeleton, have assembled like..... ( a choir ? )

"I decide///i see///i take///i just.
Too much of " I " for me but maybe that's just me. I prefer longer sentences and that is a tricky one.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Like i said, there's a story here. I wouldn't be here if i didn't like it, but it is in need of a re-work imo.
I don't have the credentials to offer any sort of advice, and am merely responding as a joe public reader.

Hang in there Knight1.
Thank you and sometimes a small comment is all it takes to help someone in need.

Countrygirl1
December 21st, 2016, 06:29 PM
I think this is a great story with lots of imagery. I personally love halloween and scary stories.