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wainscottbl
September 7th, 2016, 03:51 AM
Just a little something I wrote for the hell of it. More to practice than anything.


When he was a kid, they called him a fiddler, but then he grew up, got educated, went to Julliard, and got all refined, so they call him a violinist now. He became concertmaster for Academy of St. Martin in the Fields, and then he retired. He lives not far south of London, in the countryside. He lives in a quaint little home, a cottage you might call it, down a dirt road. He lives alone, his wife having died, with his cat, Mozart. He’s a uniquely, tall, thin old man with a long face that looks like the skin might fall off, as if he is too thin for his skin. He’s pale and sickly looking, like a ghost or something, and under the pale moon, he plays the violin score for Mozart’s “Haffner” symphony, joining the orchestra that’s playing on an old record player. And when the moon is full, he plays Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata,” or some merry folk tune during the day. His cat always jumps up on the bench when he plays the piano, sitting there and purring loudly, meowing as soon as he stops, as if to say, “Go on” or “play again”. That’s his life now, old and alone, with nothing but music and a cat to keep him company.

Nixrp
September 7th, 2016, 10:50 PM
Its a nice and I enjoyed reading about the Violinist. The only thing i'd say is on some sentences they are over descriptive when describing his sickly look. "A ghost or something" maybe just leave it simply as a ghost without the or something. Other than that its a nice little story.

patskywriter
September 8th, 2016, 02:32 AM
I think if you say that the old man leads the London Symphony Orchestra or the New York Philharmonic, but only on records, readers who are classical music fans might get a kick out of that.

wainscottbl
September 8th, 2016, 05:33 AM
I think if you say that the old man leads the London Symphony Orchestra or the New York Philharmonic, but only on records, readers who are classical music fans might get a kick out of that.

Ha! That would be funny. Love it.

escorial
September 9th, 2016, 11:52 AM
enjoyed...

Bard_Daniel
September 11th, 2016, 03:32 AM
Interesting little snippet here, wainscottbl. It is worth reading.

Thanks for sharing!

kay en
September 11th, 2016, 09:00 PM
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Would love to listen to him on a cool summer night.

Olly Buckle
September 11th, 2016, 09:29 PM
He lives not far south of London, in the countryside. He lives in a quaint little home, a cottage you might call it, down a dirt road. He lives alone, his wife having died, with his cat, Mozart.

The three sequential sentences starting 'He lives' struck me as not good, the information could be combined more 'melodically' eg,

'He and his cat, Mozart lived in a quaint little cottage down a dirt road. Alone since his wife died, a uniquely tall, ...'

that made me look more carefully at the rest of it, you use 'He' , 'Him', 'His', or slight variations, just over 20 times, that's a lot in 200 words.