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DATo
August 7th, 2016, 03:26 AM
It All Depends Upon Your Point Of View

by

DATo


Melvin Abercrombie was a contented man. He was happy with his employment at ACME Pastries were he was employed as a master baker, and when he wasn’t working he enjoyed participating in a variety of amusements to pass the time. On this balmy Saturday morning Melvin could be observed leisurely walking down Mulberry Avenue on his way to the strip mall on the edge of his neighborhood. Melvin had a purchase to make and he was aware ..... he was aware ..... he was ....


Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the show. What’s going on here? I don’t know any Abercrombie. What? Who are you? The author? What’s your name? DATo? I don’t know any DATo. What the hell kind of name is that anyhow? What am I doing in this story? Well, of COURSE I’m the narrator, Jonathan P. Narrator to be precise. I come from a long line of distinguished Narrators. My great, great, great, great grandfather was the narrator of The Canterbury Tales I’ll have you know. No! I will NOT continue with the story till I get some answers. Who do you think you are bossing around anyway? Insubordination? WHAT! You can’t demote me. I am registered with the Narrator’s Guild as a Third Person Omniscient narrator. I worked hard for that rank and I’m not going to sit here and ... wait ... wait ... NOT SECOND-PERSON-LIMITED ... NO ... DON’T DO IT! ... STOP!


Melvin and I had planned to meet at the pet store on Lexington Street to buy feed for our parakeets, but why Melvin insisted on wanting to meet at this early hour I could not guess. For some odd reason I am led to suspect that Melvin has something else on the agenda of which he has not informed me. I suppose I could ask the author of this ridiculous story to tell me but he is such an unreasonable ass that I doubt ....


No, no, no ... I didn’t mean it Mr. DATo. It just slipped out. Well, I was upset and ... Huh? ... You wouldn’t! You couldn’t! Can’t we talk this over? Would it help if I said I was sorry? Oh my God NO ... not that! Not FIRST-PERSON-DIALOUGUE. HAVE MERCY!!!


Hello, I’m Melvin Abercrombie and I’m on my way to buy some bird seed. I would just love to tell you about my pet parakeet and to describe him in the exact manner which the author of this story wishes me to, without complaint and cheerfully.

Plasticweld
August 7th, 2016, 11:46 AM
It All Depends Upon Your Point Of View

by

DATo


Melvin Abercrombie was a contented man. He was happy with his employment at ACME Pastries were he was employed as a master baker, and when he wasn’t working he enjoyed participating in a variety of amusements to pass the time. On this balmy Saturday morning Melvin could be observed leisurely walking down Mulberry Avenue on his way to the strip mall on the edge of his neighborhood. Melvin had a purchase to make and he was aware ..... he was aware ..... he was ....



A nice little change of perspective, it kind of got me thinking. The narrator controls the story, the reader interprets his words to form a vision and learn what is going on, what if as a reader I chose to read the words I want to in the fashion I chose. Do I then become the one in charge of the story?

Your words > My point of view<
Melvin was a happy man, he was employed in a menial job, to escape he spent his Saturdays walking down Mulberry Ave, a hole cut in the pocket of his pants. He was headed to the “Strip” mall, with his hand poking through the hole in his pockets he was able to “amuse himself.” He spent his whole life living down the joke “ Oh so you’re a Master Baker!” Yes Melvin may have been a Master Baker but his real content came from the fact that he was a masturbator.

This was after all in the humor section and his is where I assumed you were going after reading your first line.... What do you do if the reader is more messed up than the writer?

DATo
August 8th, 2016, 08:26 AM
Many thanks for responding to my little story Plasticweld.

I just had this crazy thought that if the entity we refer to as the narrator could be personified as an actual person that person might not like what they were narrating. *LOL* The rest just flowed from that point. I thought the concept was humorous and wrote it up to share.

Had to chuckle at your misunderstanding with the term "master baker". The thought hadn't entered my mind but now that you mention it I can see how it could be inferred. *L*

Once again, thanks for the response!

Bard_Daniel
August 10th, 2016, 01:24 AM
I like what you're going for DATo! Humor is hard to do and I think you're onto something here. Are you thinking of expanding it?

Thanks for sharing!

DATo
August 10th, 2016, 08:54 AM
Greetings once again danielstj!

And once again thanks for the "like".

I had no intention to expand it further when I wrote it. The idea just came to me out of nowhere and made me chuckle, so I thought I'd present it as a flash fiction piece that others might enjoy.

Thanks again! [:- )

DATo
August 10th, 2016, 08:57 AM
A nice little change of perspective, it kind of got me thinking. The narrator controls the story, the reader interprets his words to form a vision and learn what is going on, what if as a reader I chose to read the words I want to in the fashion I chose. Do I then become the one in charge of the story?

Your words > My point of view<
Melvin was a happy man, he was employed in a menial job, to escape he spent his Saturdays walking down Mulberry Ave, a hole cut in the pocket of his pants. He was headed to the “Strip” mall, with his hand poking through the hole in his pockets he was able to “amuse himself.” He spent his whole life living down the joke “ Oh so you’re a Master Baker!” Yes Melvin may have been a Master Baker but his real content came from the fact that he was a master----er.

This was after all in the humor section and his is where I assumed you were going after reading your first line.... What do you do if the reader is more messed up than the writer?

*LOL* It took me awhile to figure out what you meant but I finally got it ... [;- )

Sonata
August 10th, 2016, 09:33 AM
It made me smile and the change by Plasticweld really made me laugh!

Thank you both.

CrimsonAngel223
November 2nd, 2016, 09:09 PM
weird story but humorously delightful.

The Fantastical
November 12th, 2016, 08:56 PM
The Narrator reminded me of those narrators from some of the Disney narrators who interacted with the characters and or the audience. Like the Winnie-the-Poo or even I think the Jungle Book? It was good although maybe it could have been tighter in places Like when the Narrator is first interacting with you. I think that a lot of it could be cute (see bold text) -


Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the show. What’s going on here? I don’t know any Abercrombie. What? Who are you? The author? What’s your name? DATo? I don’t know any DATo. What the hell kind of name is that anyhow? What am I doing in this story? Well, of COURSE I’m the narrator, Jonathan P. Narrator to be precise. I come from a long line of distinguished Narrators.

It also could be changed up a little, it might flow a little better if it starts like -


Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold the show. What am I doing in this story? I’m the narrator, Jonathan P. Narrator to be precise. I come from a long line of distinguished Narrators....

Then continue with the story...

WordAddict
January 24th, 2017, 12:26 AM
Thanks for brightening my day. What I hoot.

I'm a newbie and have not yet earned my stripes so I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do a 'like' or an 'lol' yet (or how to do it if I am). But for the record I definitely liked it and I'm still lol.

jable1066
January 24th, 2017, 10:14 PM
I love the idea of the narrator being a character in the story.

I think the humour could be a little more subtle. As a reader, it's nice to come across (no pun intended, you dirty animals)...it's nice to come across the jokes by yourself as if you've been led on to them, as opposed to being fed them on a spoon. If that makes any sense?

I am a little bit confused as to who was narrating the story at the start too? Was it Jonathan. P?

Technicalities aside, it's a really fun concept and if you decide to polish it, would make a great idea to plant into any satirical story really! Good job!

JB

Kusinjo
March 30th, 2017, 01:53 PM
Great little short! LOVE ... ahem ... did I say love? ... Yes, I did. I'll say it again. LOVE the ACME ref! Good stuff!

Chester Stark
May 29th, 2017, 09:58 PM
Applause to both you and Plasticweld, DATo. Made me laugh.

DATo
June 27th, 2017, 05:17 AM
Many thanks to all who have responded. I haven't visited this page in awhile so please accept my regrets for not acknowledging your comments earlier.

DATo
June 27th, 2017, 05:21 AM
I love the idea of the narrator being a character in the story.

I think the humour could be a little more subtle. As a reader, it's nice to come across (no pun intended, you dirty animals)...it's nice to come across the jokes by yourself as if you've been led on to them, as opposed to being fed them on a spoon. If that makes any sense?

I am a little bit confused as to who was narrating the story at the start too? Was it Jonathan. P?

Technicalities aside, it's a really fun concept and if you decide to polish it, would make a great idea to plant into any satirical story really! Good job!

JB

Yes. Ironically the disembodied narrator always speaks and the author is always mute.

Thanks so much for your comment ! [:- )

TuesdayEve
October 3rd, 2017, 03:21 PM
I liked it too, very Twilight Zone.

topcol
January 19th, 2018, 01:31 PM
Good for you, DATo, that'll teach the meddling fool! It always irritates me when the narrator -HAH! I'M IN! I KNEW SOME TWIT WOULD READ DATo'S POST AND OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME.- Oh for God's sake, bog off, narrator. DATo, you've left the door open, slam it quick before someone else gets infected!
topcol

writersblock
January 31st, 2018, 01:21 AM
Interesting Idea. I like it!..The snappy dialogue Could make for a fun skit too