View Full Version : First Taste of Love

July 17th, 2016, 10:48 PM
Her name was Ava Adams. She was a slender and wide blue eyed beauty of 19 years old who had never been in love. Long jet black hair framed her alert face, always watching and absorbing all of the life around her. Ava had a manic desire for the heart of another. It consumed her waking thoughts and haunted her dreams. She craved the taste of passion, yearned to know the smell of love. She would wander aimlessley around the streets serching for the one. She would often pretend to read a book on a park bench, silently watching all those who passed her.

One day a young man approached her as she sat on the bench. He was tall and just as slender as her. Hair as radiant as the sun which fell into his sea-green eyes. She sat and he stood, both staring at each other. Ava felt herself drowning in his eyes. She knew he was the one. He knew it too.

He put his hand up to his chest and reached inside himself. His body shimmered and shook as he pulled out his glowing red heart. He held it out in front of him, resting it in both hands. Pulsing intensely as a heart in love does. Ava took the heart from his hands. She gazed into it and saw his passion. Sighing, she looked back at the young man and saw the confusion on his face as the tears poured from her round, sad eyes.

She put her nose to his heart and could smell his love, but also a hint of the creeping onset of fear As she took the first bite, the young man fell to the ground sobbing. She devoured his heart, his moans subsiding with each bite.

Ava sat on the bench covered in the young mans crimson blood, mixed with her tears, as he lay silent and limp at her feet. She felt her heart break and the sorrow seep into her soul. This wasn't what she thought love would be like. She wasn't supposed to feel this pain, this heart ache, this destruction of herself.

Ava stood up and knelt down next to the young man. She kissed his already cold lips. She then turned and walked away, promising herself the she would never love again.

July 18th, 2016, 12:51 AM
Woah. A metaphor taken quite literally! You managed to capture the right feel of flash fiction and I give you a thumbs up for that. It's hard to do right.

I enjoyed it. Graphic but imbued with a potency that is fitting. Your ending was also spot-on.

Good work! Thanks for sharing!

July 18th, 2016, 09:42 AM
so many adjectives and full of youthful exuberance with a twist..cool

July 27th, 2016, 10:57 PM
This is pretty cool. Dark, but I dig the idea. Of only knowing love through this sacrifice of your beloved. I would love to read more.

It is a little heavy on the adjectives for me, sometimes less is more, but that's really a personal taste. Just a few nitpicks:

"She would wander aimlessley around the streets serching for the one."
If she is searching for the one then she isn't wandering aimlessly.

"A hint of the creeping onset" seems a little redundant.

September 22nd, 2016, 03:11 PM
I dug this. Straight forward and right to the point.

The sub genre of romance that is "love equals death" really interests me. I have a story that I will post here in the Romance forum that I hope everyone enjoys, just trying to get to that 10 post limit before I can do so.

But yea, a tense issue

"She would often pretend to read a book on a park bench, silently watching all those who passed her."

That's a mix of present/past tense int he same sentence.

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but you might like my story that you can read here.


October 26th, 2016, 10:51 AM
This is described really well. Very descriptive.