View Full Version : The White Knight's Arrival

June 18th, 2016, 02:47 AM
This is an updated version of a Literary Maneuver that I think I might work into a full story. The premise is that it's a dark superhero type story from the Villain's perspective. Either way, hopes it's at least an interesting read on its own.

On a moonlit rooftop overlooking the city are two shadowed figures. Their red eyes fixated on the bountiful lights adorning the great museum below. Both wore dark grey shirts with white pants but the left one wore hood and was crouched down. The right of the pair placed a finger to his ear and nodded once before announcing, “Master Sage, the boys in charge are celebrating.”

“Skip phase two, lieutenant. We shall play their cunning game of switch and bait. So shall we announce the end of this land of the lost and sedated,” Ordered the figure with a rasp. His gaze never looking away from the party below. Sage's hooded head jerked up and he announced, “It looks like we've been betrayed.”

Behind the pair stood a shape limned in the light with brilliant purple eyes. Dressed in solid white with a bandanna of a wide smile did nothing to conceal their identity. Sage sucked in a deep breath and let it go. His new opponent announced, “I'm here to save my soul and take back what you stole!”

“Timothy, be a good Mage and back to work with the others...”


“Shall I call the others back?” The lieutenant asked as he reached for his ear. Sage stilled him with a shake of his head.

“Go on ahead. There's no need to resurrect a crusade over one fool child. I'll hear Timothy out,” Sage instructed. With a nod, the lieutenant leaned back to fall off the building to vanish into the night. With a chuckle Sage asked, “So, what is your complaint?”

“Complaint?” snarled Timothy burying his fingertips into his palms. Thrusting both hands forward, lights swirled and manifested into a sword and shield. Timothy roared as he dashed forward, “I'm tired of you looking down on us!” Raising his blade high, Timothy brought the ivory edge down onto Sage's head. Sparks crackled and an orb of raw magic held his weapon at bay.
“You're choosing the unenlightened over us?” Sage asked nonchalantly.

“They're! Still! People!” Shouted Timothy with every savage swing of his double edged blade. Raising a single finger, a beam of red light lanced out. Managing to catch the attack on his shield, the blow sent Timothy skidding backwards. Digging his weapon into the roof, Timothy killed his momentum. Sage launched another beam that his enemy caught on the blade this time. This time the attack dispersed at once. Timothy announced, “I'll stop this storyline of mass destruction!”

Sage's eyes widened. He laughed maniacally for a moment before saying, “I've been waiting, waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting and waiting! And I guess it's no surprise that one among my own number chooses to, if you'll forgive the pun, take up the blade.” Reaching out with an almost skeletal hand, shadows wrapped around Timothy before he was flung off the roof, in the direction of the museum. Unable to break free, he crashed into the building with the force of a meteor.

Timothy found himself unharmed and able to move inside the museum. An otherwise normal political rally with the bright reds, whites and blues was now marred with debris from his forcible entrance. The crowd looked on as Sage drifted into the room on a disc of air. Without a word, he launched a beam from each of his fingertips. Blocking with his shield, Timothy launched an arc of power with a swing of his blade.

The impact tore open a gouge across Sage's stomach. Clutching at his wound Sage gasped, “Well done, my dear White Knight. You have stopped me for now. But, will these people you've chosen understand what you've done to be free of me? Just know that I will return!” Shooting up through the hole in the ceiling, Sage vanished. As the night air whistled past his ears Sage smiled to himself, “I've been waiting for a Superhero intervention for so long. The fun begins.”

June 18th, 2016, 09:25 PM
Very interesting stuff. For a writing exercise you certainly managed to flesh out a lot. Impressive!

I would definitely suggest trying to work it into a full-fledged story. Timothy comes across as a good hero as well, at least in my eyes. This could be quite good when developed!

Good stuff!

R.H. Smith
October 27th, 2016, 07:03 PM
I liked it. Good flow. The only thing is I was confused as to setting with Sage. Was he the other to the right of the pair? Or was Sage somewhere else? In a more personal sense, I found some lines to be overly cliched, but again, a personal preference. I prefer to critique the mechanics of writing, right? Well done. Would love to know what happens with Sage :)