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TipGrundlefunk
September 29th, 2015, 09:12 PM
one more thing
before you leave

heave that steel door to, my lad
the light’s shining in on my waxy
skin

i look like death warmed up

Aquarius
November 9th, 2015, 02:06 PM
I like the bit that's already there, but when can we see the rest of the poem and please don't forget to build in the promised humour.

(A²M) AsquareM™
November 13th, 2015, 05:19 PM
wesome story!
I really liked how you miss guided us and then, OH MY GOD THE TWIST! IT WAS AWESOME!
Dude, you really have a knack for humour!
I found some grammatical errors, and the poem was a bit too long, consider trimming?
Other than that, kudos to you mate, hope there's more where this comes from!

Pros:
Funny

Cons:
Too Long
Too Much Water

7.8/10
-IGN

Radrook
February 26th, 2016, 06:59 PM
Is this a piece of refrigerated meat talking?
If so, why is it supposed to be funny?
Brings the morgue to my mind.