View Full Version : S.Paralysis Chapter 3 (2272 words) (Language)

August 28th, 2015, 12:01 PM
Finally got around to writing chapter 3 of this story. I have to admit that I have some mixed feelings about this one. Lemme know with some feedback if it appears to be going in a good direction still. As always, comments and criticism are welcome. I understand that there might be some grammar or punctuation issues but that will all be fixed in the final polish should this be written to the end. And without further adieu:

I stand by the door as the bus pulls away from the stop. The driver anxiously waits for me to drop coins into the machine. I’m still in my hospital gown; no wallet, no ID, nothing.

“Doc J.T?” someone called to me on the bus.

I look over and towards the mid-section, I see a man. He’s a boy really. A grown man boy. Just barely into his twenties with spotty facial hair and thick glasses. His hair looks greasy like he’s in desperate need of a shower. I recoil as he stands from his seat and walks to me.

“That is you! I knew that was you man. Where ya been dude?”

The bus driver chimes in.

“Look man, you gonna pay or what? This aint no free ride.”

The man boy rummages through his pockets and drops some money into the machine.

“I got him, chill out man.”

The driver sends me a haughty look and then stares to the road ahead. The man boy and I sit in the front seats a moment later.

“Hey doc, where ya been man? Haven’t seen ya round’ lately.”

“I’m sorry, we know each other?”

“uh, do we know each other, he says? You on something or what man?” he swipes his longish hair behind his ear.

“No, it’s just that… I don’t recall a lot these days. Old age maybe.”

“Uh, HELLO! Earth to Doc J.T.! It’s me man, Milo.”


“Yeah, Milo. Your partner in crime, your right hand man. The Engineer. Your Engineer. You hit your head or something?”

“Actually, yeah… Yeah I did. That’s why I haven’t been to work the last month or so.”

“That’s heavy man. Is that why you’re in a hospital gown half naked on the bus?”

“That’s unimportant for now. Look if I know you like you say I do, I’m gonna need a lot of answers. For starters, what do I do for a living?”

“We’ work at Geneo Inc., the largest Genetics lab in the country.”

“And what do ‘we’ do there?”

“Well, we aren’t really supposed to talk about it. It’s kind of on the classified side, know what I mean. But we do research on certain types of DNA strands and how they’re similar or dissimilar to human DNA. In a nutshell.”


“Am I married?”

“Yeah man. And ya got Max too. What else ya got? I know everything man. We been together about five years now. If I don’t know it, then nobody does.”

A sigh of relief; at least the marriage is real.

“Has anybody mentioned my absence from work? Did I take medical leave or anything like that?”

He thinks a moment to himself. A look of consternation upon his face. He removes his glasses and cleans them with his shirt and places them back on his nose.

“Naw man. Now that you mention it, nobody said a single thing about you not being at work. Trippy.”

Unsettling, very unsettling. I disappear for thirty six days; wake up with no memory of anything, and nobody at work even cares that I went missing. My own partner didn’t even know where I was until just now when confronted on the matter. This whole affair is… troubling.

“So for thirty six days, nobody even realized that I had just stopped coming to work?”

“Thirty six days? You’ve been playing hooky for thirty six days?! Man, I wish I had your job. But to answer your question, naw, never even occurred to them.”

He stared off into nothing with his mouth wide open. I couldn’t tell if he was in deep thought or just mentally impaired. Hard to believe this guy’s an engineer.

“Look, Milo. I think I might need your help. Can I trust you?”

He seems harmless enough.

“Yeah, anything! You name it. I got you man. That’s what bros are for!”

“I need a place to stay. Can I stay at yours?”

“Sure thing. Actually, we’re coming up on the stop in a few minutes.”

Milo reached up and grabbed the cord, signaling to the driver to pull over at the next bus stop. We arrive at an apartment complex after minutes of walking back alley pathways. His home was definitely hard to find. We walk into the main lobby; creepy silence. He goes to the wall on the left side and opens his mail box and retrieves just a single envelope. He places it in his back pocket and looks to me shyly.

“Pen pal?” I ask.

“Something like that… Come on.”

We get to the elevator and he presses the up button. We wait awkwardly as it comes down slowly. The doors open a minute later. We step inside and he pushed the button marked eleven; the doors close. It smells of piss in here and my nose contorts in unpleasantness. Still the awkward silence. He turns to me and says.

“So just keep in mind, I don’t get a lot of visitors. As a matter of fact, you’re the first person I’ve ever had up… ever. So… just remember that.”


We get to his floor and exit the elevator. His apartment is on the far end of the right hall near the rooftop access door. He takes a deep breath and slides his key into the knob, then slowly pushes it open. The condo is actually… quite nice. He has a fine taste for contemporary furniture. His TV is of decent size. His kitchen counters and decoration are… elegant to say the least. The far opposite of what I was expecting.

“Guys! Daddy’s home!” he yells. He waits in anticipation.

A flood of cats come bursting from around the corner. There must have been more than ten, at least from what I could see. Black, white, orange, calico, grey, and hairless. Yes, he has a hairless cat!

“Did you miss daddy?”

I’m speechless. Literally no words form as he drops to the floor and pets them and plays with them; kisses them and hugs them.

“Don’t take offense to this, but why so many cats?”

“Most of them were strays. It really breaks my heart seeing them on the side of the road hungry and without a place to sleep. So, I take them in. I asked that you not be weirded out dude.”

“No no! I’m not weirded out. Just never met someone with so much… care for cats. Nothing personal to you.”

I wait for him to finish rolling on the floor. The envelope falls from his back pocket as he stands.

“Dropped your love letter.”

He grabs it from the floor and giggles nervously to himself.

“Thanks. Hey man, you wanna use the bathroom and clean up your ear? You got some blood on ya, by the way, if you didn’t know already… just sayin.”

I had almost forgotten. I touched my fingers to my ear; the skin was sensitive.

“It’s just down the hall there on the right man, help yourself. Clean towels are in the closet there at the end of the hall.”

I grabbed a clean towel and entered the bathroom. It was immaculately clean and sterile looking. There was hand towels neatly hung on the bar above the toilet. There was an ocean theme but not too overpowering to look at. The walls were blue and the shower curtain had dark turquoise waves on it. It was peaceful. I soaked the towel in hot water and gently dabbed at the dried blood on my neck. It cleaned easy. It was when I started to swab my ear that I noticed something. Aside from the tenderness and small amount of pain, I felt a slight tickle. I turned my ear to the mirror for a better look. Just on the inside of the canal was a small fleshy point; barely noticeable until looked at very closely. There was something in there; something implanted.

I don’t know what to do; the panic sets in. My skin crawls, literally from within, there’s something crawling its way inside my skull. The shouting doctor at my back as I run from the hospital; “Mr.Thomison, please stop! Tell me what happened. Your scans, there’s something on the scanners!” looping in my mind. Maybe he wasn’t in on it but actually trying to help; it’s impossible to distinguish who I can trust or not. But in the meantime, I have to rely on Milo for help; this is too much to handle on my own. I look from the bathroom door and see Milo at his work desk in the corner of the living room. He had just read the letter in the envelope from the looks of it, the news must have been distressing. The look on his face; sullen. He pushed his glasses to the top of his nose, took the letter, and placed it into the shredder underneath his desk.

I withdrew my gaze and obscured myself behind the wall. I could hear his footsteps coming into the hallway. He was coming to me. And soon, I felt his hand on my shoulder as he came into the bathroom.

“You alright man? Started to think you got lost or something.”

He looked at my ear with a modest revulsion.

“Ah man, that is grotesque. You got like this, thingy, in your ear. Ugh.”

“Well help me get it out! You have, like, tweezers or something?!”

He opened a drawer and grabbed a set of tweezers. He cringed as I told him to help get it out, whatever it was.

“Man, I don’t know why I have to do this! It’s sick!”

I pulled at my earlobe to expose more of the canal as he inched closer with the tweezers. I could feel as he pinched whatever it was that was burrowing into my head. He pulled at it gently before he lost his grip on it. It was then I felt a sharp tinge of pain that made my eyes flutter.

“Ahhh man, it’s moving!”

“Get it the hell out of there! Come on, stop messing around!”

He attempted a second time with a much firmer grip. He tugged and pulled; the nerves in my ear ablaze with pain. I could feel it slowly sliding out; the intensity growing stronger. He successfully removed it from my ear and slung it into the sink.

“What is that thing man?! It looks like a tiny octopus or something!”

He was right. Whatever it was had a thinly pointed head, or at least that’s what it appeared to be. It was leathery and a washed out orange color. From the bottom of its head were hundreds of hair thin appendages. They were waving and thrashing about in all directions.

“Kill it man!” Milo shrieked.

“No, not yet.”

We watched as it flailed in the sink. Then seconds later, it was still. I grab the tweezers from Milo’s hand and gently touched it; motionless. It was dead.

“What the hell is that thing? And how did it get in your ear?”

“The men in black. The ones who’ve been following me.”

“What, like that movie? You know that shit aint real man.”

“Well is that real enough for you?” I pointed at the squid looking creature.

He looked almost sick as he pointed at my ear.

“You might want to clean that crap up man, it looks like a bat just came on the side of your face.”

I grabbed for a towel and cleaned myself thoroughly. Milo went to the living room and threw himself on the couch. A cat jumped into his lap and curled into a ball. I sat next to him a moment later.

“So you want the long version or the short and snappy version?”

“Long or short of what?”

“My… situation.”


“So you expect me to believe that these ‘Men in Black’ are watching you and quite possibly at this very moment in time?”

He looked around the room as if they were already there listening; hanging on to his every word.

“All I have to go off of is the email that I sent to myself. And with them just randomly showing up, it only makes sense that, yes, they probably are watching us from somewhere.”

“Dude, how could you get me involved in this?! I had things going just the way I wanted. And you had to show up with your conspiracy theories and throw everything all outta whack.”

“Hey, you approached me on the bus. Don’t act like I did this on purpose.”

He whispered to himself as if in a state of shock.

“I mean, work was going well, everything was in order. I was gonna talk to that chick in the mail room, the really hot one. I was gonna buy an ant farm, it was gonna be friggin sweet dude.”

“HEY!” I clapped my hands loudly in his face. “Here! I need you here, right now. Come on man! You going to help me or not?”

He contemplated for a time. For once, he appeared serious and not as some half-witted teenage boy. He pursed his lips as if to say something but stopped.

“Come on man, I really need your help here. You in or not?”

Silence for just a small moment of time that lingered an eternity.

“Shit man, you owe me big time for this! And I’m talking like… like… half days at work for the next year or something man.”

For the first time since I awoke in the car, I genuinely smiled. I’m finally going to get the answers I’ve so desperately been searching for.

August 28th, 2015, 11:17 PM
I don't know if you have posted chapters 1 and 2, this is the first one I have read but I liked it. I had good clear images in my head of what was going on from the descriptions and the conversation. It was easy to read for me and generated intrigue as to what would be beyond this chapter. A little bit of polishing perhaps necessary as you said but all in all, I liked it.

Ah, there are times where you change the tense to past tense though, starting with the present and then subtly it moves to past.

Present: We get to his floor and exit the elevator
Present: A flood of cats come bursting from around the corner.
Past: He attempted a second time with a much firmer grip
Past: I grabbed for a towel and cleaned myself thoroughly.

August 29th, 2015, 01:36 AM
Thank you for the reply. Yeah chapters 1 and 2 have been posted in this same section.

This is the first time attempting to write a story that unfolds as you read it. I do notice that I mix tenses sometimes. I actually go back a lot and change it haha.

August 29th, 2015, 11:03 AM
This is the first time attempting to write a story that unfolds as you read it.

It's good to try new things, you see what does and does not work for you. I liked the chapter and I've noticed now you posted the earlier two chapters in the forum. Later today I will have a read as this one generated intrigue so that in itself is a better job than purely getting the tenses right. You can go back and change those easily enough.

August 29th, 2015, 12:46 PM
I like your style of dialogue and the description. Looking forward to reading the other chapters.