Sulieman
August 8th, 2015, 07:54 PM
Hi there
I've been writing the first chapter of my novel, but its not to the stage that I would like it to be. I mean I am doing all sorts wrong, doing under writing, doing overwriting, and the dialogue's not fitting as much as I would like to happen. I'm posting my stuff here so I can get some feedback under it. It would be really helpful for me if I could get some feedback on it.
Rackham pulled the telescope down. His first mate, Gobins, looked in alarm as they saw the Kirzabet ship displaying its might by firing into a pirate sloop as it exploded. Rackham rubbed the tilt of his rapier. Gobins turned to look at him sighing. Rackham always pulled of an old trick like that just when it suited him, whether it came to looting, stealing or raiding. Rackham wouldn’t let go of such a wonderful opportunity now that he had travelled so far from Arai. The Kirzabet man o war began to fire at his ship. He jumped from the sails and shouted orders. His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas. Could Rackham afford to lose when he was facing an inevitable mutiny? Certainly not.
He started grinning. ‘’ Prepare the broadsides men! There’s a ship that needs some proper looting! What say you ya bloody bastards, come! ‘’ Cheers erupted from the ship’s crew as they sprung to work. Cannons were pushed to their gaping holes as Rackham’s crew prepared to load the cannons with all sorts of weapons, from forks to large cannon balls. The Kirzabet ship made its way as they came close to Rackham’s ship. Rackham aimed his pistol at the turban Kirzabet who held his musket ready at the opposite end of the enemy’s mast. Rackham fired and the man fell overboard.
‘’ Rackham, ‘’ Gobins shouted as the ship slammed hard by the impact of the cannon balls.
‘’ What? ‘’ Rackham shouted back as he fell to the other side as musket ball nearly hit him before falling onto a pile of his own crew. Rackham stood up before he slipped and fell straight into a box of ash. Rackham spluttered and looked furiously at his own crew.
‘’ Hoist the banners, drink from your enemies skulls tonight my men, for we die like hearos today! ‘’ Rackham shoved his sword high as another musket ball ripped straight through his hat. Rackham pulled it down and looked at the hole.
‘’ Oh….’’
The Kirzabet man o war began to fire with volley after volley. Rackham was constantly shifting one side to the other. Rackham instantly got a hold of the gold cannon, and clicked the top button. The cannon instantly blazed the frigates with a mass of fire exploding through the ships. The Kirzabet Captain at the top of the ship’s bow shouted orders in outrage and ordered to board the ship. Rackham gulped as he saw the convey slowly slipping away and looked at the advancing man of war.
‘’ Move left when she rams! ‘’ Rackham shouted as his ship fired back damaging the portholes of the Man of War. The Kirzabet Captain could be seen shouting and rampaging around the ship. Rackham grinned and opened up another bottle as the man of war began coming close.
The Kirzabet man o war began to fire with volley after volley, and the sloops and frigates joined in as they fired back. Rackham was constantly shifting one side to the other. He jumped from the sails and shouted orders. His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas. Rackham instantly got a hold of the gold cannon, and clicked the top button.
The cannon instantly blazed the frigates with a mass of fire exploding through the ships. The Kirzabet Captain at the top of the ship’s bow shouted orders in outrage and ordered to board the ship. Rackham gulped as he saw the convey slowly slipping away and looked at the advancing man of war.
‘’ Move left when she rams! ‘’ Rackham shouted as his ship fired back damaging the portholes of the Man of War. The Kirzabet Captain could be seen shouting and rampaging around the ship. Rackham grinned and opened up another bottle as the man of war began coming close.
40 paces.
30 paces.
20 paces.
‘’ Aye the masts, move left! ‘’ He said as the ships sails hastened as it swung to the left, only an inch across the man of war.
‘’ Fire, ‘’ He ordered as the two ships buckled against each other, firing each other with a fury that was unmatched even in the oceans. Cannons flew into the air, while a slightly odd crewman was shouting as he was taken away by a cannon ball. Another crewman flied straight into the cannon porthole of the Kirzabet ship before being blown away right into the sea. The Kirazbet marines lined up as the Kirzabet crew hooked onto Rackham’s ship flying into the air with their scimitars, their bows and arrows, guns and muskets. Rackham looked in fury.
No one stole his ship; and if they did, he would find them, and destroy them.
‘’ Board! ’ Rackham held Gobins arm firmly. Gobins grinned back before he advanced forward with his rapier. Rackham’s crew drew their swords as they jumped through ropes boarding onto the Kirzabet man o war. Men fought each other with tooth and nail. One crewman punched straight through into the guts of a Kirzabet sailor and plunged his dagger deep. Two Kirzabet saliors kicked down a crewman and threw him overboard.
Rackham ran towards the ship bow before shooting the mast’s lever. He was taken away by the rope that led him straight to the top of the mast. Rackham jumped onto the mast and ran squatting down before he reached the end of the tiny wooden grip that he held onto. He was on top of the world as far as he was concerned. Rackham breathed heavily, as sweat gripped his face. It was an impossible height. Only a mere fool would jump if he was in danger. Rackham eyed the ship downwards, and only saw miniatures. He would have to settle his fears for another day. Rackham arose as the mast began to shake.
He jumped into the air, flying straight down as his face was blown in the gust of the wind. He was in tranquillity as he opened his left pocket, pulling the lever, extending flying wings as he swooped through the Kirzabets who were left in shock. The Kirzabet Captain spotted his advantage, ordering his men to fire. Rackham found himself at the mercy of bullets ripping through his wings which he had spent over fourteen months to make.
He got rid of his wings and collapsed straight onto the man of war. The Kirzabets rushed straight at him as he got up and attacked with his swords. Rackham saw the first Kirzabet marine coming towards him, and clashed sword with sword before kicking him in the balls and finishing him off. He then move quickly splaying over three more Kirzabet sailors who charged with whatever they could find. Rackham symmetrically finished off another marine before swiping his swords through another Kirzabet, as he collapsed with his large head hat covering what was left of him. The Kirzabet Captain shouted in outrage and ordered for more men to be brought.
The sight of Rackham inspired his crew as they began to rally and attack the ship with more fevor. Rackham growled like a beast, slashing at anyone with his two swords. The Kirzabets withdrew slowly back as their rear flank was getting slaughtered. The Kirzabet Captain rubbed his fine trimmed moustache and laughed as two heavy thuds were sound. Rackham gritted his teeth and yelled at them before realizing who was behind him.
A large man covered in armor, holding an axe one side, and an scimitar on the other. His face entirely covered by a large chainmail helmet, and his armor overlapping several areas. Rackham trembled.
‘’ Er….Mister…whatever your name is, can we have peace? ‘’
The Kizrabet Captain laughed aloud as he cleaned his sword off another of Rackham’s crew that he had finished.
‘’ Peace? Peace you say? My dear enemy, I am afraid not. Perhaps you should have thought before you crossed paths with Captain Asaur Aluadawin. ‘’ Asaur grinned, while ordering his men to finish them off.
Rackham instantly fell to the ground as the large Kirzabet laughed.
‘’ Puny man you are…’’ He taunted as he smashed into the ship’s old wood, with Rackham dogding between each blow.
‘’ You are weak, like a tiny sheep! ‘’ The man bellowed as he met Rackham’s blades with his halbeider, before crushing it deep into Rackham’s stomach. Rackham withdrew back as he held his hands on his bleeding stomach. Rackham eyed the bastard before grinning.
‘’ Perhaps large one, you are too dumb to handle a pirate like me. Why don’t you go back home to your small town and play eh? ‘’ The large Kirzabet bellowed and slammed down his axe, his fury rising.
‘’ Nobody calls me dumb, especially not from scum like you, ‘’ The Kirzabet yelled a war cry before charging straight at him. Rackham held his sword in his hands as he waited.
10 paces
5 paces
0 paces.
As the Kizabecharged with both weapons at the helm, Rackham quickly swerved around before plunging his sword deep into the Kirzabet’s back. Cries emerged from the background of smoke and fire, while the defending Kirzabet marines were slaughtered through a ray of volley fire. Asaur scowled back and yelled insults at Rackham. Many Krirzabets fought till they could no longer keep their stamina.
#
Asaur spat as Rackham grinned back at him. What was left of the Kirzabets were now laying down at the mercy of Black Tom Rackham.
‘’ Taken prisoner, captured by a lowly pirate, and then to be humiliated in front of my own crew. Is there no stopping to your crimes? ‘’
Rackham grinned as he gestured to his crewman. Asaur’s head slammed onto the hard wooden floor, as he felt the butt of a musket etching right at his neck. Rackham gestured once more and Asaur was brought up. Rackham swiped his hat off and bowed.
‘’ Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Captain Black Tom Rackham, apologies for the mistreatment that you and your crew had to suffer….but my pursuit was of business, shall we say? ‘’
Asaur glanced back at his crew. Rackham was a well-known pirate, but to Asaur, he was a man that had robbed him plenty of times.
‘’ Rackham, ‘’ Asaur growled. Rackham again. He thought to himself as he glared at Rackham. He had stolen his job, his life, and his goals. And he had ended up in the claws of the lion once again. Asaur could not forget the day he had been demoted by the Grand Admiral for failing to protect the royal treasure ship from being taken. All those months of hard work would vanish once again.
And the ironic thing was that Rackham never cared.
‘’ We meet again Asaur ‘’ Rackham chuckled. ‘’ Isn’t it a bit ironic? You and I fighting on the high seas. ‘’
‘’ It seems you have no one else to raid except me, ‘’ Asaur remarked sadly.
Rackham laughed and patted Asaur’s shoulder. The man was more of a fool than he thought.
‘’ Did you forget the moment where you ran off with the Sultan’s treasure when it was my duty to protect it? ‘’ Asaur asked.
Rackham raised his finger. Out of all the ships he had raided, Asaur often ended up being the one to fight and defend his ship before he was captured. It was an advantage however, since the Kirzabets always loaded their ships with hordes of treasure. It was due to their particular fondness of gold. The more the better as Rackham always said it to be.
‘’ Don’t bring up that old issue, you weren’t prepared to meet my force. You were sleeping away in your bedsheets while I came and stole the gold right,’’ Rackham came eye to eye with Asaur. ‘’ Under your nose, ‘’. Asaur spat into Rackham’s face, smiling before punched right into the nose. Rackham wiped his face and in a mocked height, laughed.
‘’ Clearly, Captain Asaur, I would think you are much better than resorting to such cheap tactics like a fool does. Well maybe I’ll- ‘’. Cannon balls struck the ship as the sounds of trumpets were heard. Rackham turned to the right of the ship. Gobins rushed towards Rackham and sighed as he collapsed.
‘’ What’s the problem with you mangy git? ‘’
‘’ Captain… the Kirzabets, it’s one of their man o war…. ‘’ Gobins moaned as Rackham picked him up, carrying him on his shoulders.
‘’ Well it was a pleasure meeting you again, but alas I’m afraid I must dep- ‘’ Rackham stopped as an cannon ball swooped right over his head. He wasted no time and leaned on the rope, before shooting and jumping right into the air.
****
Admiral Gescha Tufivask stepped onto the damaged ship as he surveyed the onslaught that his ship had suffered. Clearly the pirates were stepping up their game, and they would need to build better and powerful ships to destroy them. Tufivask rubbed the oak of the ship’s oars, and felt the dust blowing away. Whoever bombarded this ship was no fool. To attack and wreck a heavily armed ship with over one hundred and ninety guns was no easy task. Such weaknesses couldn’t be allowed to be exposed to their enemies, especially from the neighbouring Lui and expansionist Lyonnes navy. Only a fool would allow such a catropshoic mistake to happen.
‘’ Captain Asaur, ‘’ he said as he advanced towards the small group of prisoners still being held in chains. ‘’ Could you care to explain to me why this ship was attacked, beaten and then left to rot? ‘’. Asaur gulped. Not again, he thought. ‘’ Captain, I can explain…we were bombarbed by a ghost ship. ‘’
Tufivask erupted into laugther as his men joined in. This man knew nothing about the seas. He would have to be demoted, or even worse, laungish in the jails of Kadesh, where they served you nothing but dirt and mud. No one surivied in the worst of those conditions. Asaur was clearly deserving of that fate.
‘’ I’ve been an admiral for over twenty years, fought pirates, fought the Lui and fought the Lyonneian navy, and you tell me that a ghost ship attacked your ship and left one of our strongest ships to ruin? This is no mark of a foolish captain, this was attacked by pirates. ‘’ Tufivask sneered as he pointed to the marks of the pirate flag that had been left over. ‘’ Asaur, you were given this task to protect this ship which held our gold. Please do not say that even he- ‘’ Tufivask was cut off.
‘’ Admiral, the gold has been stolen, they spared nothing. ‘’ One of the soliders shouted from below. Tufivask took off his turban hat, and slowly walked towards Asaur as he trembled. He took his whip and started beating Asaur, and ordered his soliders to take him back to their ship. Asaur winced, he would get his revenge back. Tufivask walked down to the cabin and into the ship’s inner quarters. Empty boxes, literally hundreds were awash in a sea of black liquid.
The pirates were clever, allowing everyone to slip while they surpassed with the gold without no one noticing them. He would have to be captured, for this captian could teach a thing or two to the Kirazbet navy.
Tufivask emerged from the cabin door, and eyed his men as they awaited his next command.
‘’ Let this be a warning to you gentlemen, should any of you fail to fight against an enemy which is easy to destroy, you shall suffer the consequences as your captain Asaur is doing here, ‘’ He pointed to Asaur being held to be catapulted into the sea. ‘’ Does anyone wish to do that? ‘’
‘’ No sir! We serve the Sultan and you, admiral! ‘’ the voices joined in a chorus.
‘’ And from our Captain who demonstrated such capabilities, could he be most kind in telling us who this foe is? ‘’
Asaur let out a small laugh and began to grin. These fools didn’t know who he had fought against. He would be in the right again.
‘’ Admiral, he is Black Tom Rackham, the scourge of the seven seas, the captain that’s fought against us many times before, he’s- ‘’
Tufivask’s face became sunken. Rackham! That bastard had raided their port only a month ago, and he had stolen Tufivask’s most prized procession; the bastion of the golden smciatar that had been gifted to him by the Sultan. Rackham was notorious for raiding Kirzabet ships, far often than he raided Lyonnaian, Lui, or Hebrotian ships.
‘’ Rackham? That bastard again, curse him to the high deserts, that lamb is a lion in the making. Asaur, that still doesn’t your fate.’’
‘’ Admiral, you must- ‘’
‘’ Enough. ‘’ Tufivask rasied his hands and eyed Asaur.
‘’ I suppose you have your uses. ‘’ Tufivask shouted orders as they went back to the grand ship. The man o war was destroyed.
I'm willing to improve this by all means, so yeah, please do point out mistakes and please also point out solutions I can use to improve this. Because my description and dialogue needs improvement(been a month since I did any writing, so I'm a bit stiff).
I've been writing the first chapter of my novel, but its not to the stage that I would like it to be. I mean I am doing all sorts wrong, doing under writing, doing overwriting, and the dialogue's not fitting as much as I would like to happen. I'm posting my stuff here so I can get some feedback under it. It would be really helpful for me if I could get some feedback on it.
Rackham pulled the telescope down. His first mate, Gobins, looked in alarm as they saw the Kirzabet ship displaying its might by firing into a pirate sloop as it exploded. Rackham rubbed the tilt of his rapier. Gobins turned to look at him sighing. Rackham always pulled of an old trick like that just when it suited him, whether it came to looting, stealing or raiding. Rackham wouldn’t let go of such a wonderful opportunity now that he had travelled so far from Arai. The Kirzabet man o war began to fire at his ship. He jumped from the sails and shouted orders. His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas. Could Rackham afford to lose when he was facing an inevitable mutiny? Certainly not.
He started grinning. ‘’ Prepare the broadsides men! There’s a ship that needs some proper looting! What say you ya bloody bastards, come! ‘’ Cheers erupted from the ship’s crew as they sprung to work. Cannons were pushed to their gaping holes as Rackham’s crew prepared to load the cannons with all sorts of weapons, from forks to large cannon balls. The Kirzabet ship made its way as they came close to Rackham’s ship. Rackham aimed his pistol at the turban Kirzabet who held his musket ready at the opposite end of the enemy’s mast. Rackham fired and the man fell overboard.
‘’ Rackham, ‘’ Gobins shouted as the ship slammed hard by the impact of the cannon balls.
‘’ What? ‘’ Rackham shouted back as he fell to the other side as musket ball nearly hit him before falling onto a pile of his own crew. Rackham stood up before he slipped and fell straight into a box of ash. Rackham spluttered and looked furiously at his own crew.
‘’ Hoist the banners, drink from your enemies skulls tonight my men, for we die like hearos today! ‘’ Rackham shoved his sword high as another musket ball ripped straight through his hat. Rackham pulled it down and looked at the hole.
‘’ Oh….’’
The Kirzabet man o war began to fire with volley after volley. Rackham was constantly shifting one side to the other. Rackham instantly got a hold of the gold cannon, and clicked the top button. The cannon instantly blazed the frigates with a mass of fire exploding through the ships. The Kirzabet Captain at the top of the ship’s bow shouted orders in outrage and ordered to board the ship. Rackham gulped as he saw the convey slowly slipping away and looked at the advancing man of war.
‘’ Move left when she rams! ‘’ Rackham shouted as his ship fired back damaging the portholes of the Man of War. The Kirzabet Captain could be seen shouting and rampaging around the ship. Rackham grinned and opened up another bottle as the man of war began coming close.
The Kirzabet man o war began to fire with volley after volley, and the sloops and frigates joined in as they fired back. Rackham was constantly shifting one side to the other. He jumped from the sails and shouted orders. His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas. Rackham instantly got a hold of the gold cannon, and clicked the top button.
The cannon instantly blazed the frigates with a mass of fire exploding through the ships. The Kirzabet Captain at the top of the ship’s bow shouted orders in outrage and ordered to board the ship. Rackham gulped as he saw the convey slowly slipping away and looked at the advancing man of war.
‘’ Move left when she rams! ‘’ Rackham shouted as his ship fired back damaging the portholes of the Man of War. The Kirzabet Captain could be seen shouting and rampaging around the ship. Rackham grinned and opened up another bottle as the man of war began coming close.
40 paces.
30 paces.
20 paces.
‘’ Aye the masts, move left! ‘’ He said as the ships sails hastened as it swung to the left, only an inch across the man of war.
‘’ Fire, ‘’ He ordered as the two ships buckled against each other, firing each other with a fury that was unmatched even in the oceans. Cannons flew into the air, while a slightly odd crewman was shouting as he was taken away by a cannon ball. Another crewman flied straight into the cannon porthole of the Kirzabet ship before being blown away right into the sea. The Kirazbet marines lined up as the Kirzabet crew hooked onto Rackham’s ship flying into the air with their scimitars, their bows and arrows, guns and muskets. Rackham looked in fury.
No one stole his ship; and if they did, he would find them, and destroy them.
‘’ Board! ’ Rackham held Gobins arm firmly. Gobins grinned back before he advanced forward with his rapier. Rackham’s crew drew their swords as they jumped through ropes boarding onto the Kirzabet man o war. Men fought each other with tooth and nail. One crewman punched straight through into the guts of a Kirzabet sailor and plunged his dagger deep. Two Kirzabet saliors kicked down a crewman and threw him overboard.
Rackham ran towards the ship bow before shooting the mast’s lever. He was taken away by the rope that led him straight to the top of the mast. Rackham jumped onto the mast and ran squatting down before he reached the end of the tiny wooden grip that he held onto. He was on top of the world as far as he was concerned. Rackham breathed heavily, as sweat gripped his face. It was an impossible height. Only a mere fool would jump if he was in danger. Rackham eyed the ship downwards, and only saw miniatures. He would have to settle his fears for another day. Rackham arose as the mast began to shake.
He jumped into the air, flying straight down as his face was blown in the gust of the wind. He was in tranquillity as he opened his left pocket, pulling the lever, extending flying wings as he swooped through the Kirzabets who were left in shock. The Kirzabet Captain spotted his advantage, ordering his men to fire. Rackham found himself at the mercy of bullets ripping through his wings which he had spent over fourteen months to make.
He got rid of his wings and collapsed straight onto the man of war. The Kirzabets rushed straight at him as he got up and attacked with his swords. Rackham saw the first Kirzabet marine coming towards him, and clashed sword with sword before kicking him in the balls and finishing him off. He then move quickly splaying over three more Kirzabet sailors who charged with whatever they could find. Rackham symmetrically finished off another marine before swiping his swords through another Kirzabet, as he collapsed with his large head hat covering what was left of him. The Kirzabet Captain shouted in outrage and ordered for more men to be brought.
The sight of Rackham inspired his crew as they began to rally and attack the ship with more fevor. Rackham growled like a beast, slashing at anyone with his two swords. The Kirzabets withdrew slowly back as their rear flank was getting slaughtered. The Kirzabet Captain rubbed his fine trimmed moustache and laughed as two heavy thuds were sound. Rackham gritted his teeth and yelled at them before realizing who was behind him.
A large man covered in armor, holding an axe one side, and an scimitar on the other. His face entirely covered by a large chainmail helmet, and his armor overlapping several areas. Rackham trembled.
‘’ Er….Mister…whatever your name is, can we have peace? ‘’
The Kizrabet Captain laughed aloud as he cleaned his sword off another of Rackham’s crew that he had finished.
‘’ Peace? Peace you say? My dear enemy, I am afraid not. Perhaps you should have thought before you crossed paths with Captain Asaur Aluadawin. ‘’ Asaur grinned, while ordering his men to finish them off.
Rackham instantly fell to the ground as the large Kirzabet laughed.
‘’ Puny man you are…’’ He taunted as he smashed into the ship’s old wood, with Rackham dogding between each blow.
‘’ You are weak, like a tiny sheep! ‘’ The man bellowed as he met Rackham’s blades with his halbeider, before crushing it deep into Rackham’s stomach. Rackham withdrew back as he held his hands on his bleeding stomach. Rackham eyed the bastard before grinning.
‘’ Perhaps large one, you are too dumb to handle a pirate like me. Why don’t you go back home to your small town and play eh? ‘’ The large Kirzabet bellowed and slammed down his axe, his fury rising.
‘’ Nobody calls me dumb, especially not from scum like you, ‘’ The Kirzabet yelled a war cry before charging straight at him. Rackham held his sword in his hands as he waited.
10 paces
5 paces
0 paces.
As the Kizabecharged with both weapons at the helm, Rackham quickly swerved around before plunging his sword deep into the Kirzabet’s back. Cries emerged from the background of smoke and fire, while the defending Kirzabet marines were slaughtered through a ray of volley fire. Asaur scowled back and yelled insults at Rackham. Many Krirzabets fought till they could no longer keep their stamina.
#
Asaur spat as Rackham grinned back at him. What was left of the Kirzabets were now laying down at the mercy of Black Tom Rackham.
‘’ Taken prisoner, captured by a lowly pirate, and then to be humiliated in front of my own crew. Is there no stopping to your crimes? ‘’
Rackham grinned as he gestured to his crewman. Asaur’s head slammed onto the hard wooden floor, as he felt the butt of a musket etching right at his neck. Rackham gestured once more and Asaur was brought up. Rackham swiped his hat off and bowed.
‘’ Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Captain Black Tom Rackham, apologies for the mistreatment that you and your crew had to suffer….but my pursuit was of business, shall we say? ‘’
Asaur glanced back at his crew. Rackham was a well-known pirate, but to Asaur, he was a man that had robbed him plenty of times.
‘’ Rackham, ‘’ Asaur growled. Rackham again. He thought to himself as he glared at Rackham. He had stolen his job, his life, and his goals. And he had ended up in the claws of the lion once again. Asaur could not forget the day he had been demoted by the Grand Admiral for failing to protect the royal treasure ship from being taken. All those months of hard work would vanish once again.
And the ironic thing was that Rackham never cared.
‘’ We meet again Asaur ‘’ Rackham chuckled. ‘’ Isn’t it a bit ironic? You and I fighting on the high seas. ‘’
‘’ It seems you have no one else to raid except me, ‘’ Asaur remarked sadly.
Rackham laughed and patted Asaur’s shoulder. The man was more of a fool than he thought.
‘’ Did you forget the moment where you ran off with the Sultan’s treasure when it was my duty to protect it? ‘’ Asaur asked.
Rackham raised his finger. Out of all the ships he had raided, Asaur often ended up being the one to fight and defend his ship before he was captured. It was an advantage however, since the Kirzabets always loaded their ships with hordes of treasure. It was due to their particular fondness of gold. The more the better as Rackham always said it to be.
‘’ Don’t bring up that old issue, you weren’t prepared to meet my force. You were sleeping away in your bedsheets while I came and stole the gold right,’’ Rackham came eye to eye with Asaur. ‘’ Under your nose, ‘’. Asaur spat into Rackham’s face, smiling before punched right into the nose. Rackham wiped his face and in a mocked height, laughed.
‘’ Clearly, Captain Asaur, I would think you are much better than resorting to such cheap tactics like a fool does. Well maybe I’ll- ‘’. Cannon balls struck the ship as the sounds of trumpets were heard. Rackham turned to the right of the ship. Gobins rushed towards Rackham and sighed as he collapsed.
‘’ What’s the problem with you mangy git? ‘’
‘’ Captain… the Kirzabets, it’s one of their man o war…. ‘’ Gobins moaned as Rackham picked him up, carrying him on his shoulders.
‘’ Well it was a pleasure meeting you again, but alas I’m afraid I must dep- ‘’ Rackham stopped as an cannon ball swooped right over his head. He wasted no time and leaned on the rope, before shooting and jumping right into the air.
****
Admiral Gescha Tufivask stepped onto the damaged ship as he surveyed the onslaught that his ship had suffered. Clearly the pirates were stepping up their game, and they would need to build better and powerful ships to destroy them. Tufivask rubbed the oak of the ship’s oars, and felt the dust blowing away. Whoever bombarded this ship was no fool. To attack and wreck a heavily armed ship with over one hundred and ninety guns was no easy task. Such weaknesses couldn’t be allowed to be exposed to their enemies, especially from the neighbouring Lui and expansionist Lyonnes navy. Only a fool would allow such a catropshoic mistake to happen.
‘’ Captain Asaur, ‘’ he said as he advanced towards the small group of prisoners still being held in chains. ‘’ Could you care to explain to me why this ship was attacked, beaten and then left to rot? ‘’. Asaur gulped. Not again, he thought. ‘’ Captain, I can explain…we were bombarbed by a ghost ship. ‘’
Tufivask erupted into laugther as his men joined in. This man knew nothing about the seas. He would have to be demoted, or even worse, laungish in the jails of Kadesh, where they served you nothing but dirt and mud. No one surivied in the worst of those conditions. Asaur was clearly deserving of that fate.
‘’ I’ve been an admiral for over twenty years, fought pirates, fought the Lui and fought the Lyonneian navy, and you tell me that a ghost ship attacked your ship and left one of our strongest ships to ruin? This is no mark of a foolish captain, this was attacked by pirates. ‘’ Tufivask sneered as he pointed to the marks of the pirate flag that had been left over. ‘’ Asaur, you were given this task to protect this ship which held our gold. Please do not say that even he- ‘’ Tufivask was cut off.
‘’ Admiral, the gold has been stolen, they spared nothing. ‘’ One of the soliders shouted from below. Tufivask took off his turban hat, and slowly walked towards Asaur as he trembled. He took his whip and started beating Asaur, and ordered his soliders to take him back to their ship. Asaur winced, he would get his revenge back. Tufivask walked down to the cabin and into the ship’s inner quarters. Empty boxes, literally hundreds were awash in a sea of black liquid.
The pirates were clever, allowing everyone to slip while they surpassed with the gold without no one noticing them. He would have to be captured, for this captian could teach a thing or two to the Kirazbet navy.
Tufivask emerged from the cabin door, and eyed his men as they awaited his next command.
‘’ Let this be a warning to you gentlemen, should any of you fail to fight against an enemy which is easy to destroy, you shall suffer the consequences as your captain Asaur is doing here, ‘’ He pointed to Asaur being held to be catapulted into the sea. ‘’ Does anyone wish to do that? ‘’
‘’ No sir! We serve the Sultan and you, admiral! ‘’ the voices joined in a chorus.
‘’ And from our Captain who demonstrated such capabilities, could he be most kind in telling us who this foe is? ‘’
Asaur let out a small laugh and began to grin. These fools didn’t know who he had fought against. He would be in the right again.
‘’ Admiral, he is Black Tom Rackham, the scourge of the seven seas, the captain that’s fought against us many times before, he’s- ‘’
Tufivask’s face became sunken. Rackham! That bastard had raided their port only a month ago, and he had stolen Tufivask’s most prized procession; the bastion of the golden smciatar that had been gifted to him by the Sultan. Rackham was notorious for raiding Kirzabet ships, far often than he raided Lyonnaian, Lui, or Hebrotian ships.
‘’ Rackham? That bastard again, curse him to the high deserts, that lamb is a lion in the making. Asaur, that still doesn’t your fate.’’
‘’ Admiral, you must- ‘’
‘’ Enough. ‘’ Tufivask rasied his hands and eyed Asaur.
‘’ I suppose you have your uses. ‘’ Tufivask shouted orders as they went back to the grand ship. The man o war was destroyed.
I'm willing to improve this by all means, so yeah, please do point out mistakes and please also point out solutions I can use to improve this. Because my description and dialogue needs improvement(been a month since I did any writing, so I'm a bit stiff).