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Sulieman
August 8th, 2015, 07:54 PM
Hi there

I've been writing the first chapter of my novel, but its not to the stage that I would like it to be. I mean I am doing all sorts wrong, doing under writing, doing overwriting, and the dialogue's not fitting as much as I would like to happen. I'm posting my stuff here so I can get some feedback under it. It would be really helpful for me if I could get some feedback on it.

Rackham pulled the telescope down. His first mate, Gobins, looked in alarm as they saw the Kirzabet ship displaying its might by firing into a pirate sloop as it exploded. Rackham rubbed the tilt of his rapier. Gobins turned to look at him sighing. Rackham always pulled of an old trick like that just when it suited him, whether it came to looting, stealing or raiding. Rackham wouldn’t let go of such a wonderful opportunity now that he had travelled so far from Arai. The Kirzabet man o war began to fire at his ship. He jumped from the sails and shouted orders. His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas. Could Rackham afford to lose when he was facing an inevitable mutiny? Certainly not.
He started grinning. ‘’ Prepare the broadsides men! There’s a ship that needs some proper looting! What say you ya bloody bastards, come! ‘’ Cheers erupted from the ship’s crew as they sprung to work. Cannons were pushed to their gaping holes as Rackham’s crew prepared to load the cannons with all sorts of weapons, from forks to large cannon balls. The Kirzabet ship made its way as they came close to Rackham’s ship. Rackham aimed his pistol at the turban Kirzabet who held his musket ready at the opposite end of the enemy’s mast. Rackham fired and the man fell overboard.
‘’ Rackham, ‘’ Gobins shouted as the ship slammed hard by the impact of the cannon balls.
‘’ What? ‘’ Rackham shouted back as he fell to the other side as musket ball nearly hit him before falling onto a pile of his own crew. Rackham stood up before he slipped and fell straight into a box of ash. Rackham spluttered and looked furiously at his own crew.
‘’ Hoist the banners, drink from your enemies skulls tonight my men, for we die like hearos today! ‘’ Rackham shoved his sword high as another musket ball ripped straight through his hat. Rackham pulled it down and looked at the hole.
‘’ Oh….’’
The Kirzabet man o war began to fire with volley after volley. Rackham was constantly shifting one side to the other. Rackham instantly got a hold of the gold cannon, and clicked the top button. The cannon instantly blazed the frigates with a mass of fire exploding through the ships. The Kirzabet Captain at the top of the ship’s bow shouted orders in outrage and ordered to board the ship. Rackham gulped as he saw the convey slowly slipping away and looked at the advancing man of war.
‘’ Move left when she rams! ‘’ Rackham shouted as his ship fired back damaging the portholes of the Man of War. The Kirzabet Captain could be seen shouting and rampaging around the ship. Rackham grinned and opened up another bottle as the man of war began coming close.

The Kirzabet man o war began to fire with volley after volley, and the sloops and frigates joined in as they fired back. Rackham was constantly shifting one side to the other. He jumped from the sails and shouted orders. His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas. Rackham instantly got a hold of the gold cannon, and clicked the top button.
The cannon instantly blazed the frigates with a mass of fire exploding through the ships. The Kirzabet Captain at the top of the ship’s bow shouted orders in outrage and ordered to board the ship. Rackham gulped as he saw the convey slowly slipping away and looked at the advancing man of war.

‘’ Move left when she rams! ‘’ Rackham shouted as his ship fired back damaging the portholes of the Man of War. The Kirzabet Captain could be seen shouting and rampaging around the ship. Rackham grinned and opened up another bottle as the man of war began coming close.
40 paces.
30 paces.
20 paces.
‘’ Aye the masts, move left! ‘’ He said as the ships sails hastened as it swung to the left, only an inch across the man of war.
‘’ Fire, ‘’ He ordered as the two ships buckled against each other, firing each other with a fury that was unmatched even in the oceans. Cannons flew into the air, while a slightly odd crewman was shouting as he was taken away by a cannon ball. Another crewman flied straight into the cannon porthole of the Kirzabet ship before being blown away right into the sea. The Kirazbet marines lined up as the Kirzabet crew hooked onto Rackham’s ship flying into the air with their scimitars, their bows and arrows, guns and muskets. Rackham looked in fury.

No one stole his ship; and if they did, he would find them, and destroy them.
‘’ Board! ’ Rackham held Gobins arm firmly. Gobins grinned back before he advanced forward with his rapier. Rackham’s crew drew their swords as they jumped through ropes boarding onto the Kirzabet man o war. Men fought each other with tooth and nail. One crewman punched straight through into the guts of a Kirzabet sailor and plunged his dagger deep. Two Kirzabet saliors kicked down a crewman and threw him overboard.

Rackham ran towards the ship bow before shooting the mast’s lever. He was taken away by the rope that led him straight to the top of the mast. Rackham jumped onto the mast and ran squatting down before he reached the end of the tiny wooden grip that he held onto. He was on top of the world as far as he was concerned. Rackham breathed heavily, as sweat gripped his face. It was an impossible height. Only a mere fool would jump if he was in danger. Rackham eyed the ship downwards, and only saw miniatures. He would have to settle his fears for another day. Rackham arose as the mast began to shake.

He jumped into the air, flying straight down as his face was blown in the gust of the wind. He was in tranquillity as he opened his left pocket, pulling the lever, extending flying wings as he swooped through the Kirzabets who were left in shock. The Kirzabet Captain spotted his advantage, ordering his men to fire. Rackham found himself at the mercy of bullets ripping through his wings which he had spent over fourteen months to make.

He got rid of his wings and collapsed straight onto the man of war. The Kirzabets rushed straight at him as he got up and attacked with his swords. Rackham saw the first Kirzabet marine coming towards him, and clashed sword with sword before kicking him in the balls and finishing him off. He then move quickly splaying over three more Kirzabet sailors who charged with whatever they could find. Rackham symmetrically finished off another marine before swiping his swords through another Kirzabet, as he collapsed with his large head hat covering what was left of him. The Kirzabet Captain shouted in outrage and ordered for more men to be brought.

The sight of Rackham inspired his crew as they began to rally and attack the ship with more fevor. Rackham growled like a beast, slashing at anyone with his two swords. The Kirzabets withdrew slowly back as their rear flank was getting slaughtered. The Kirzabet Captain rubbed his fine trimmed moustache and laughed as two heavy thuds were sound. Rackham gritted his teeth and yelled at them before realizing who was behind him.

A large man covered in armor, holding an axe one side, and an scimitar on the other. His face entirely covered by a large chainmail helmet, and his armor overlapping several areas. Rackham trembled.
‘’ Er….Mister…whatever your name is, can we have peace? ‘’

The Kizrabet Captain laughed aloud as he cleaned his sword off another of Rackham’s crew that he had finished.
‘’ Peace? Peace you say? My dear enemy, I am afraid not. Perhaps you should have thought before you crossed paths with Captain Asaur Aluadawin. ‘’ Asaur grinned, while ordering his men to finish them off.
Rackham instantly fell to the ground as the large Kirzabet laughed.

‘’ Puny man you are…’’ He taunted as he smashed into the ship’s old wood, with Rackham dogding between each blow.
‘’ You are weak, like a tiny sheep! ‘’ The man bellowed as he met Rackham’s blades with his halbeider, before crushing it deep into Rackham’s stomach. Rackham withdrew back as he held his hands on his bleeding stomach. Rackham eyed the bastard before grinning.
‘’ Perhaps large one, you are too dumb to handle a pirate like me. Why don’t you go back home to your small town and play eh? ‘’ The large Kirzabet bellowed and slammed down his axe, his fury rising.

‘’ Nobody calls me dumb, especially not from scum like you, ‘’ The Kirzabet yelled a war cry before charging straight at him. Rackham held his sword in his hands as he waited.

10 paces
5 paces
0 paces.
As the Kizabecharged with both weapons at the helm, Rackham quickly swerved around before plunging his sword deep into the Kirzabet’s back. Cries emerged from the background of smoke and fire, while the defending Kirzabet marines were slaughtered through a ray of volley fire. Asaur scowled back and yelled insults at Rackham. Many Krirzabets fought till they could no longer keep their stamina.
#
Asaur spat as Rackham grinned back at him. What was left of the Kirzabets were now laying down at the mercy of Black Tom Rackham.
‘’ Taken prisoner, captured by a lowly pirate, and then to be humiliated in front of my own crew. Is there no stopping to your crimes? ‘’
Rackham grinned as he gestured to his crewman. Asaur’s head slammed onto the hard wooden floor, as he felt the butt of a musket etching right at his neck. Rackham gestured once more and Asaur was brought up. Rackham swiped his hat off and bowed.
‘’ Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Captain Black Tom Rackham, apologies for the mistreatment that you and your crew had to suffer….but my pursuit was of business, shall we say? ‘’

Asaur glanced back at his crew. Rackham was a well-known pirate, but to Asaur, he was a man that had robbed him plenty of times.
‘’ Rackham, ‘’ Asaur growled. Rackham again. He thought to himself as he glared at Rackham. He had stolen his job, his life, and his goals. And he had ended up in the claws of the lion once again. Asaur could not forget the day he had been demoted by the Grand Admiral for failing to protect the royal treasure ship from being taken. All those months of hard work would vanish once again.
And the ironic thing was that Rackham never cared.
‘’ We meet again Asaur ‘’ Rackham chuckled. ‘’ Isn’t it a bit ironic? You and I fighting on the high seas. ‘’
‘’ It seems you have no one else to raid except me, ‘’ Asaur remarked sadly.

Rackham laughed and patted Asaur’s shoulder. The man was more of a fool than he thought.
‘’ Did you forget the moment where you ran off with the Sultan’s treasure when it was my duty to protect it? ‘’ Asaur asked.
Rackham raised his finger. Out of all the ships he had raided, Asaur often ended up being the one to fight and defend his ship before he was captured. It was an advantage however, since the Kirzabets always loaded their ships with hordes of treasure. It was due to their particular fondness of gold. The more the better as Rackham always said it to be.

‘’ Don’t bring up that old issue, you weren’t prepared to meet my force. You were sleeping away in your bedsheets while I came and stole the gold right,’’ Rackham came eye to eye with Asaur. ‘’ Under your nose, ‘’. Asaur spat into Rackham’s face, smiling before punched right into the nose. Rackham wiped his face and in a mocked height, laughed.

‘’ Clearly, Captain Asaur, I would think you are much better than resorting to such cheap tactics like a fool does. Well maybe I’ll- ‘’. Cannon balls struck the ship as the sounds of trumpets were heard. Rackham turned to the right of the ship. Gobins rushed towards Rackham and sighed as he collapsed.
‘’ What’s the problem with you mangy git? ‘’

‘’ Captain… the Kirzabets, it’s one of their man o war…. ‘’ Gobins moaned as Rackham picked him up, carrying him on his shoulders.
‘’ Well it was a pleasure meeting you again, but alas I’m afraid I must dep- ‘’ Rackham stopped as an cannon ball swooped right over his head. He wasted no time and leaned on the rope, before shooting and jumping right into the air.
****
Admiral Gescha Tufivask stepped onto the damaged ship as he surveyed the onslaught that his ship had suffered. Clearly the pirates were stepping up their game, and they would need to build better and powerful ships to destroy them. Tufivask rubbed the oak of the ship’s oars, and felt the dust blowing away. Whoever bombarded this ship was no fool. To attack and wreck a heavily armed ship with over one hundred and ninety guns was no easy task. Such weaknesses couldn’t be allowed to be exposed to their enemies, especially from the neighbouring Lui and expansionist Lyonnes navy. Only a fool would allow such a catropshoic mistake to happen.

‘’ Captain Asaur, ‘’ he said as he advanced towards the small group of prisoners still being held in chains. ‘’ Could you care to explain to me why this ship was attacked, beaten and then left to rot? ‘’. Asaur gulped. Not again, he thought. ‘’ Captain, I can explain…we were bombarbed by a ghost ship. ‘’
Tufivask erupted into laugther as his men joined in. This man knew nothing about the seas. He would have to be demoted, or even worse, laungish in the jails of Kadesh, where they served you nothing but dirt and mud. No one surivied in the worst of those conditions. Asaur was clearly deserving of that fate.
‘’ I’ve been an admiral for over twenty years, fought pirates, fought the Lui and fought the Lyonneian navy, and you tell me that a ghost ship attacked your ship and left one of our strongest ships to ruin? This is no mark of a foolish captain, this was attacked by pirates. ‘’ Tufivask sneered as he pointed to the marks of the pirate flag that had been left over. ‘’ Asaur, you were given this task to protect this ship which held our gold. Please do not say that even he- ‘’ Tufivask was cut off.

‘’ Admiral, the gold has been stolen, they spared nothing. ‘’ One of the soliders shouted from below. Tufivask took off his turban hat, and slowly walked towards Asaur as he trembled. He took his whip and started beating Asaur, and ordered his soliders to take him back to their ship. Asaur winced, he would get his revenge back. Tufivask walked down to the cabin and into the ship’s inner quarters. Empty boxes, literally hundreds were awash in a sea of black liquid.

The pirates were clever, allowing everyone to slip while they surpassed with the gold without no one noticing them. He would have to be captured, for this captian could teach a thing or two to the Kirazbet navy.
Tufivask emerged from the cabin door, and eyed his men as they awaited his next command.
‘’ Let this be a warning to you gentlemen, should any of you fail to fight against an enemy which is easy to destroy, you shall suffer the consequences as your captain Asaur is doing here, ‘’ He pointed to Asaur being held to be catapulted into the sea. ‘’ Does anyone wish to do that? ‘’


‘’ No sir! We serve the Sultan and you, admiral! ‘’ the voices joined in a chorus.
‘’ And from our Captain who demonstrated such capabilities, could he be most kind in telling us who this foe is? ‘’
Asaur let out a small laugh and began to grin. These fools didn’t know who he had fought against. He would be in the right again.
‘’ Admiral, he is Black Tom Rackham, the scourge of the seven seas, the captain that’s fought against us many times before, he’s- ‘’

Tufivask’s face became sunken. Rackham! That bastard had raided their port only a month ago, and he had stolen Tufivask’s most prized procession; the bastion of the golden smciatar that had been gifted to him by the Sultan. Rackham was notorious for raiding Kirzabet ships, far often than he raided Lyonnaian, Lui, or Hebrotian ships.

‘’ Rackham? That bastard again, curse him to the high deserts, that lamb is a lion in the making. Asaur, that still doesn’t your fate.’’
‘’ Admiral, you must- ‘’
‘’ Enough. ‘’ Tufivask rasied his hands and eyed Asaur.
‘’ I suppose you have your uses. ‘’ Tufivask shouted orders as they went back to the grand ship. The man o war was destroyed.

I'm willing to improve this by all means, so yeah, please do point out mistakes and please also point out solutions I can use to improve this. Because my description and dialogue needs improvement(been a month since I did any writing, so I'm a bit stiff).

Moody
August 8th, 2015, 11:48 PM
Hey Sulieman, I don't really have time to read the whole thing at the moment but I do have some notes on the first paragraph. And as always, reading over what you write yourself can be very useful. I often reread my writing several times, change stuff.. come back later to read it again, and then change more. A lot of times writing can be like a sculpture. You start out with a block and little by little whittle it down into something beautiful. But let's see if I can help at all here


His first mate, Gobins, looked in alarm as they saw the Kirzabet ship displaying its might by firing into a pirate sloop as it exploded.

This sentence is a little wordy. Can definitely be whittled down and made easier to understand. So what is the action happening in the sentence? First mate Gobins is alarmed by the fact that a Kirzabet ship is firing into a pirate sloop. You write "firing into a pirate sloop as it exploded." so you mean that they are firing into it AS it explodes? That gives the impression that the ship isn't exploding from being fired into, but was all ready exploding. You also use the phrase "displaying its might" Is their intention only to display their might? I think this phrase is better left unused. A lot of writers feel the need to add 'flavor' to every action. In reality, it's not always needed, and can sometimes do more harm than good. It's like a break in action. It doesn't help move the story along and doesn't add any imagery. So I'm going to try to rewrite that sentence making it a little bit more efficient and easier to read (keeping in mind that I don't know the entire context of your story)

"Alarm crossed Gobin's face when he saw a pirate sloop destroyed by a Kirzabet missile."

A little better, but not perfect. Are we to assume the sloop is allied with Rackham? And is it a missile that's being fired? Answers to these questions can both clear up confusion and make the sentence even more efficient.


Rackham rubbed the tilt of his rapier. Gobins turned to look at him sighing. Rackham always pulled of an old trick like that just when it suited him, whether it came to looting, stealing or raiding.

This part is just confusing. What we know is that Rackham rubs the tilt of his rapier and it makes Gobins sigh. Then we're told that Rackham always pulled off an old trick like that just when it suited him. At this point I'm confused about a lot of things. What trick is Rackham pulling off? Why did Gobins sigh? And I'm beginning to question if I even understood the missile firing part correctly.


Rackham wouldn’t let go of such a wonderful opportunity now that he had travelled so far from Arai. The Kirzabet man o war began to fire at his ship. He jumped from the sails and shouted orders. His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas. Could Rackham afford to lose when he was facing an inevitable mutiny? Certainly not.

Again, there's a bit of confusion here. Is the opportunity to plunder the Kirzabet ship? That's what I would assume. Also we're faced with the sudden fact that Rackham is facing an inevitable mutiny. We're not sure why, it's just thrust upon us. Also, if it's inevitable, why does it matter if Rackham loses?

You also go straight from talking about him leaving Arai, and an opportunity, to the Kirzabet ship firing in the very next sentence. If you're not going to spend more time on finishing out the thought it would be better to just drop it entirely. It's completely okay to devote a paragraph to talking about the opportunity and Ahai and then in the next resume the action, if that's what you want to do. But to skip an entire idea you introduced in the former sentence in the next doesn't sound right.

Also phrases like "his ship" are not necessary and can be better handled. It would sound better to say.
"The kirzabet man o' war turned toward them and opened fire."
and
"Rackham gave the orders to fire back"

Sounds a lot better and less wordy that way. Imagine reading the phrase "his ship" over and over. It's just not going to sound good.

"His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas."
This would sound better as two different complete thoughts. They don't really have a lot to do with each other.

Well I hope that helped. Just things I noticed in the first paragraph. Apply that same line of thinking to the rest of the writing and it will come out sounding much better. The story does sound interesting. Just needs some polishing up. :eagerness:

Sulieman
August 9th, 2015, 12:47 PM
@Mandy

Thanks for your brilliant advice! I shall def take this stuff into account, and thank you for showing me how to write better. My sentences do tend to be wordy which I hate. And exactly I am rewriting this scene, I rewrote the scene, could you have a look and tell me what you think? Agreed, I'll keep on polishing and rewriting the whole thing, but thanks for pointing out these issues. The basic premise is that Rackham has to catch that ship to get the gold otherwise he'll face a mutiny.

The mist cleared around the heavy Kirzabet flag ship carrying the Sultan’s flag. The men were appearing, close as if they were roaming the seas forever. Gobins peered at the ship’s lining as he looked closer at the ship. The sea was resplendent with blue, but dark clouds gathered over them. Rackham saw the ship through his telescope, seeing it emerging faster as the storm crackled, night emerged with a thousand stars and a large crescent moon claimed its throne in the sky. The seagulls hawked as the sailor reported the ship was approaching them.

‘’ Aye the decks! Main the sells and prepare to turn left! The Jasmine arrives! ‘’ The crew sprang to alert shouting at each other, hurrying in preparation as the cannons were pushed to the helms of their decks. The storm crackled into the water as waves began to emerge. The sails loosened as the gust and wind blew, and the old’s battered oak groaned as they began to make sail into the deep waves. The Kirzabet Marines noticed Rackham’s pirate flag and shouted orders to attack. Rackham gripped the ropes, flying into the air landing onto the deck. The sailor steered the ship into position and Rackham roared like a lion.

‘’ Fire! Give it to her lads! ‘’ He shouted.
The ship awoke firing as cannon ball erupted one after the other from the tiny pot holes. As it reached the Kirzabet ship, smoke filled the air, musket balls flying in the air, and whole sails splintered, causing wood and timber to fly in the air. All around the massive man o’war, panic and confusion was alert in every corner as men struggled quickly to fire in response. The Captain grinned back and shouted orders.

‘’ Brace yourselves! ‘’ The crew braced for the impact as the man o war replied with a tremendous volley of cannonballs firming from column to column. Rackham’s ship began to buckle as the ship ripped apart the masts, the cannons, and the sails, it was a non-stop bombardment.
‘’ Hold! Don’t lose ground! ‘’
The ship buckled as the weight of the waves almost pushed the ship over. Rackham ordered to fire back as it brought back into balance. The Kirzabet man o war began to fire with volley after volley, and the sloops and frigates joined in as they fired back. Rackham was constantly shifting one side to the other as he shouted orders. His ship began to fire back as rain started to pour down and the storm crackled in the high seas. Rackham instantly turned the ship as he grabbed the wheel, making the ship moving its final turn. Cannons of the back of the ship fired pot shots at the Kirzabet ship. The waves began to pick up momentum as huge waves crashed into another, the titans of the seas fought with exhilatering roars. The Kirzabet fired from all sides as they attempted to fire into Rackham's ship, but many missed their targets. Once the ships had completed their whole turns, they advanced against each other. The Kirzabet ship moved from wave to wave, while Rackham's ship crashed into wave after wave. Rackham swung a full turn as his ship turned to face the massive man o war.

'' Lads! Prepare to fire! '' The ship replied back with a tremendous volley that splattered the sails of the man o war, taking anyone down that dared to stand in their way. The man o war's cannons were left undamaged. The Captain ordered to fire back and the ship once again buckled under the weight of the volleys. They'd have to board. Rackham tigthened the rope around his waist as he turned and made his way to Gobins.

'' Cap'n, we can't hold any longer! '' As if to prove his point, a huge cannon burst, cracking one of the ship's sails as it flung into the water, causing the ship and some of the crew to be thrown overboard.

'' Gobins, we hold! We're still clos- ''

'' We ain't got no time when the enemy's blasting their way through us, ''

Rackham grabbed Gobins arms.

'' Lead the charge, '' He said as his crewman gathered around him.
‘’ Move left when she rams! ‘’ Rackham shouted as his ship fired back damaging the portholes of the Man of War. The Kirzabet Captain could be seen shouting and rampaging around the ship. Rackham grinned and opened up another bottle as the man of war began coming close.
40 paces.
30 paces.
20 paces.

'' Prepare to board! Lets show these bastards what pirates are made off! '' Rackham yelled as the salior turned the ship once more, making the two ships face each other. Saliors yanked their hooks, pirates held their swords in hands and their daggers in their sheathes, and the Kirzabets aimed their muskets at anyone who dared to board their ship. A tremendous bang as the hooks yanked, the two ships buckling under the weight as their cannons roared furiously, firing into each other as men died, timber splintered, cannonballs ripping men's heads off, spikes being attacked into someone's eyes or legs. The man o war almost buckled over as another wave tired to move it around. ‘’ Aye the masts, move left! ‘’ He said as the ships sails hastened as it swung to the left, only an inch across the man of war. ‘’ Fire, ‘’ He ordered as the two ships buckled against each other, firing each other with a fury that was unmatched even in the oceans. Cannons flew into the air, while a slightly odd crewman was shouting as he was taken away by a cannon ball. Another crewman flied straight into the cannon porthole of the Kirzabet ship before being blown away right into the sea. The Kirazbet marines lined up as the Kirzabet crew hooked onto Rackham’s ship flying into the air with their scimitars, their bows and arrows, guns and muskets. Rackham looked in fury.

The cannons of his ship exploded with huge fury, ripping off many of the Man O War's sails and cannons. The ships fought with fierce ferocity at each other, making it seeming like David vs Goliath. The Man of War was a massive ship, with over one hundred and twenty cannons on both sides, both ready and full to the brim to fire. Rackham's ship was a ninety four quarter pounder ship. It couldn't stand a chance. The Captain of the Man of War smiled thugly. They'd never be able to catch the ship nor the treasure it contained. He was wrong as he witnessed the pirates jumping onto the ship. Gobins drew his sword and shouted as the pirates began to board on the ship, leaping and jumping onto the bigger ship. Rackham yanked on the rope and landed onto the ship, stabbing his sword through a Kirzabet marine as he kicked another to the ground. He felt a sword stabbing at his ribs, he turned around and kicked the man in the nuts before finishing him off. Rackham groaned, but still continued on. The Kirzabet Captain could be seen shouting and rampaging around the ship as he ordered the large headressed gunmen to fire back. The Kirzabet man o war began to fire with volley after volley, and the sloops and frigates joined in as they fired back noticed the danger and ordered his saliors to fire the left side. His ship began to fire back as the high seas began to swirl in a twisting motion. The ship fired and blazed the firgrates with a mass of fire exploding through the tiny ships. Rackham smiled. Job done.

One crewman punched straight through into the guts of a Kirzabet sailor and plunged his dagger deep. Two Kirzabet saliors kicked down a crewman and threw him overboard. Another pirate slit his sword into a Kirzabet's foot as he screamed. Rackham emerged, with a host of his crew charging at an elite line of marines armed with muskets, bows and haliberdiers. Rackham threw himself on the first one, slamming into his stomach, rolling before being beaten back by the butt of a heavy halbeider. Rackham staggered back and slammed the man once more, but was again beaten by the strong push of the marine. Rackham sighed and loaded his pistol before shooting the man. The Kirzabets rushed straight at him as he got up and attacked with their swords. Rackham saw the second Kirzabet marine coming towards him, and clashed sword with sword before kicking him in the balls and finishing him off. He then moved quickly splaying over three more Kirzabet sailors who charged with whatever they could find. Rackham symmetrically finished off another marine before swiping his swords through another Kirzabet, as he collapsed with his large head hat covering what was left of him. The Kirzabet Captain shouted in outrage and ordered for more men to be brought. The sight of Rackham inspired his crew as they began to rally and attack the ship with more ferocity. Rackham growled like a beast, slashing at anyone with his two swords. The Kirzabets withdrew slowly back as their rear flank was getting slaughtered. The Kirzabet Captain rubbed his fine trimmed moustache and laughed as two heavy thuds were sound. Rackham gritted his teeth and yelled at them before realizing who was behind him.

A large man covered in armor, holding an axe one side, and an scimitar on the other. His face entirely covered by a large chainmail helmet, and his armor overlapping several areas. Rackham trembled.

The Kizrabet Captain laughed aloud as he cleaned his sword off another of Rackham’s crew that he had finished.
‘’ Crossing with Captain Asaur Aluadawin, shows how weak you are. ‘’ Asaur grinned, while ordering his men to finish them off.
Rackham instantly fell to the ground as the large Kirzabet laughed.

‘’ Puny man you are…’’ He taunted as he smashed into the ship’s old wood, with Rackham dogding between each blow.
‘’ You are weak, like a tiny sheep! ‘’ The man bellowed as he met Rackham’s blades with his halbeider, before crushing it deep into Rackham’s stomach. Rackham withdrew back as he held his hands on his bleeding stomach. Rackham eyed the bastard before grinning. ‘’ Perhaps large one, you are too dumb to handle a pirate like me. Why don’t you go back home to your small town and play eh? ‘’ The large Kirzabet bellowed and slammed down his axe, his fury rising. ‘’ Nobody calls me dumb, especially not from scum like you, ‘’ The Kirzabet yelled a war cry before charging straight at him. Rackham held his sword in his hands as he waited and then slammed the large Kirzabet down as he finished him off. Rackham made his way through the cabin quarters, freezing as he found boxes of gold, large detailed leather carpets, gold books, and a gold sword. The riches in this ship could make a man eternally rich for a life time. The ship buckled as water broke into the windows, and Rackham found that he was winning. Not until Asaur arrived, with his sword in hand. They would fight to the death.

'' Its over now, face my sword or surrender pirate, ''

Rackham circled him as he held his rapier above his shoulder length. The Captain was a fool. A big fool.

'' I can end this the easy way, or the hard way. Which do you choose? ''

'' The hard way, '' Asaur gritted his teeth and yelled. Rackham sighed and moved quickly, punching Asaur in the gut before disarming off his sword and slamming him into the ground. Rackham moved his sword and pointed it at Asaur.

'' Where's the gold? There's more of it here, ''

'' I shall never tell you, ''

Rackham shoved the sword deep into Asaur's neck and moved harder.

'' Speak or this sword will finish you off before you pray to see your loved ones ever again, '' Asaur groaned and nodded.

'' Alright, I surrender, the gold's under the cabin, ''

Rackham smiled.

'' Thank you, '' He emerged from the cabin as he saw the Kirzabet sailors fighting to their last, what was left surrenderd in the might of his crew. Rackham raised his sword in triumph and his crew began to cheer.

'' The gold's in the quarter decks below! Take and loot what you need! ''

#
Asaur spat as Rackham grinned back at him. What was left of the Kirzabets were now laying down at the mercy of Black Tom Rackham.
‘’ Taken prisoner, captured by a lowly pirate, and then to be humiliated in front of my own crew. Is there no stopping to your crimes? ‘’
Rackham grinned as he gestured to his crewman. Asaur’s head slammed onto the hard wooden floor, as he felt the butt of a musket etching right at his neck. Rackham gestured once more and Asaur was brought up. Rackham swiped his hat off and bowed.
‘’ Allow me to introduce myself, I’m Captain Black Tom Rackham, apologies for the mistreatment that you and your crew had to suffer….but my pursuit was of business, shall we say? ‘’

Asaur glanced back at his crew. Rackham was a well-known pirate, but to Asaur, he was a man that had robbed him plenty of times.
‘’ Rackham, ‘’ Asaur growled. Rackham again. He thought to himself as he glared at Rackham. He had stolen his job, his life, and his goals. And he had ended up in the claws of the lion once again. Asaur could not forget the day he had been demoted by the Grand Admiral for failing to protect the royal treasure ship from being taken. All those months of hard work would vanish once again.
And the ironic thing was that Rackham never cared.
‘’ We meet again Asaur ‘’ Rackham chuckled. ‘’ Isn’t it a bit ironic? You and I fighting on the high seas. ‘’
‘’ It seems you have no one else to raid except me, ‘’ Asaur remarked sadly.

Rackham laughed and patted Asaur’s shoulder. The man was more of a fool than he thought.
‘’ Did you forget the moment where you ran off with the Sultan’s treasure when it was my duty to protect it? ‘’ Asaur asked.
Rackham raised his finger. Out of all the ships he had raided, Asaur often ended up being the one to fight and defend his ship before he was captured. It was an advantage however, since the Kirzabets always loaded their ships with hordes of treasure. It was due to their particular fondness of gold. The more the better as Rackham always said it to be.

‘’ Don’t bring up that old issue, you weren’t prepared to meet my force. You were sleeping away in your bedsheets while I came and stole the gold right,’’ Rackham came eye to eye with Asaur. ‘’ Under your nose, ‘’. Asaur spat into Rackham’s face, smiling before punched right into the nose. Rackham wiped his face and in a mocked height, laughed.

‘’ Clearly, Captain Asaur, I would think you are much better than resorting to such cheap tactics like a fool does. Well maybe I’ll- ‘’. Cannon balls struck the ship as the sounds of trumpets were heard. Rackham turned to the right of the ship. Gobins rushed towards Rackham and sighed as he collapsed.
‘’ What’s the problem with you mangy git? ‘’

‘’ Captain… the Kirzabets, it’s one of their man o war…. ‘’ Gobins moaned as Rackham picked him up, carrying him on his shoulders.
‘’ Well it was a pleasure meeting you again, but alas I’m afraid I must dep- ‘’ Rackham stopped as an cannon ball swooped right over his head. He wasted no time and leaned on the rope, before shooting and jumping right into the air.
****
Admiral Gescha Tufivask stepped onto the damaged ship as he surveyed the onslaught that his ship had suffered. Clearly the pirates were stepping up their game, and they would need to build better and powerful ships to destroy them. Tufivask rubbed the oak of the ship’s oars, and felt the dust blowing away. Whoever bombarded this ship was no fool. To attack and wreck a heavily armed ship with over one hundred and ninety guns was no easy task. Such weaknesses couldn’t be allowed to be exposed to their enemies, especially from the neighbouring Lui and expansionist Lyonnes navy. Only a fool would allow such a catropshoic mistake to happen.

‘’ Captain Asaur, ‘’ he said as he advanced towards the small group of prisoners still being held in chains. ‘’ Could you care to explain to me why this ship was attacked, beaten and then left to rot? ‘’. Asaur gulped. Not again, he thought. ‘’ Captain, I can explain…we were bombarbed by a ghost ship. ‘’
Tufivask erupted into laugther as his men joined in. This man knew nothing about the seas. He would have to be demoted, or even worse, laungish in the jails of Kadesh, where they served you nothing but dirt and mud. No one surivied in the worst of those conditions. Asaur was clearly deserving of that fate.
‘’ I’ve been an admiral for over twenty years, fought pirates, fought the Lui and fought the Lyonneian navy, and you tell me that a ghost ship attacked your ship and left one of our strongest ships to ruin? This is no mark of a foolish captain, this was attacked by pirates. ‘’ Tufivask sneered as he pointed to the marks of the pirate flag that had been left over. ‘’ Asaur, you were given this task to protect this ship which held our gold. Please do not say that even he- ‘’ Tufivask was cut off.

‘’ Admiral, the gold has been stolen, they spared nothing. ‘’ One of the soliders shouted from below. Tufivask took off his turban hat, and slowly walked towards Asaur as he trembled. He took his whip and started beating Asaur, and ordered his soliders to take him back to their ship. Asaur winced, he would get his revenge back. Tufivask walked down to the cabin and into the ship’s inner quarters. Empty boxes, literally hundreds were awash in a sea of black liquid.

The pirates were clever, allowing everyone to slip while they surpassed with the gold without no one noticing them. He would have to be captured, for this captian could teach a thing or two to the Kirazbet navy.
Tufivask emerged from the cabin door, and eyed his men as they awaited his next command.
‘’ Let this be a warning to you gentlemen, should any of you fail to fight against an enemy which is easy to destroy, you shall suffer the consequences as your captain Asaur is doing here, ‘’ He pointed to Asaur being held to be catapulted into the sea. ‘’ Does anyone wish to do that? ‘’

‘’ No sir! We serve the Sultan and you, admiral! ‘’ the voices joined in a chorus.
‘’ And from our Captain who demonstrated such capabilities, could he be most kind in telling us who this foe is? ‘’
Asaur let out a small laugh and began to grin. These fools didn’t know who he had fought against. He would be in the right again.
‘’ Admiral, he is Black Tom Rackham, the scourge of the seven seas, the captain that’s fought against us many times before, he’s- ‘’

Tufivask’s face became sunken. Rackham! That bastard had raided their port only a month ago, and he had stolen Tufivask’s most prized procession; the bastion of the golden smciatar that had been gifted to him by the Sultan. Rackham was notorious for raiding Kirzabet ships, far often than he raided Lyonnaian, Lui, or Hebrotian ships.

‘’ Rackham? That bastard again, curse him to the high deserts, that lamb is a lion in the making. Asaur, that still doesn’t your fate.’’
‘’ Admiral, you must- ‘’
‘’ Enough. ‘’ Tufivask rasied his hands and eyed Asaur.
‘’ I suppose you have your uses. ‘’ Tufivask shouted orders as they went back to the grand ship. The man o war was destroyed.