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KellInkston
July 20th, 2015, 05:29 PM
I've recently been trying my hand at flash fiction humor. I'd appreciate your thoughts. :welcome:

I was so ready to be a cosmonaut, but my dad, as usual, is a total jackwagon about everything.
“Don’t activate the self-destruct mechanism, my son. It blows up the ship!” He said. How does he know? If he tried it he’d be dead.
“Dad, thanks, but I’m eighteen, I sorta know what I’m doing,” I say, realizing my argument to perfection. Of course I know what I’m doing. I’m an adult now!
As usual, he just shakes his head. “Son, what does ‘self’ have to do with?”
“Me?” I say as I turn to the platform.
“And what does ‘destruct’ have to do with?”
“… Dad, please.”
“Yes, son. Self-destruct literally means you’ll destroy yourself if you press it,” he says, raising those stupid, bushy eyebrows of his.
“Well that’s just your opinion, dad. Why don’t you try being a little more open minded. It could destruct your selfish cosmonaut agenda!”
“You-you’ve been listening to the capitalist broadcasts, have you?”
“Yeah, I’ve listened to Linken park, MCR, and all the great bands. You’ve kept me in the dark all this time!” I say, now at the top of the platform and entering the ship.
“Son, no!”
“Goodbye dad, you were horrible,” I say as I push into the commodore deck a black-market rip of “Welcome to the Black Parade”, AKA the best song in the universe.
“Son, trust me! Don’t do it!” he cries as I pushed the launch-ready button. As the countdown booms, I push play and wave my dad goodbye. He’s freaking out, but he has to get away or the blast will fry him. Freedom is finally mine. I can finally make my own mistakes. I sing to the music as I flip open the “self-destruct” switch. It’s obviously not, the broadcasts said it would give me ultimate cosmic power, and that’s what spaces ships are really for.
“WHEN I WAS, A YOUNG BO-” *BOOM*

Joe_Bassett
August 5th, 2015, 05:38 AM
Pretty much every argument between my father and brother. :lol: Spot on representation of teenage rebellion. Linkin Park is my favourite band and it seems you like MCR too? I noticed a lot of the terminology you used seemed to be from the USSR or something similar. If so, the rest of the phrasing seems a little too "Yankee". Otherwise, good job!

KellInkston
August 10th, 2015, 01:35 AM
You have my thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

HalfRail
August 12th, 2015, 09:23 PM
It's so surreal how this is pretty much how me and my dad talk to each other most f the time. And for that, I applaud you.

Green Rabbit
August 31st, 2015, 01:06 AM
I liked this story quite a bit. I'm old enough to have been both the kid and the dad in this story. There are quite a few minor typos in this story but I'm sure you'll clean them up. It's a good thing every son who thinks they know more than their dad doesn't press self-destruct buttons, otherwise none of us would be left. :)