View Full Version : On Chicago

July 11th, 2015, 06:35 PM
Some thoughts on Chicago:
In the course of my travels I recently passed through Chicago, and I though I would share some tips for other rednecks that might find themselves in that strange place.

First of all, there is the matter of getting into and out of Chicago. Chicago has two airports, O'Hare and Midway. Midway is simple, small, and sensible. O'Hare is not. My best guess is that the architect of that airport was into Greek mythology, and he decided to recreate the labyrinth. If you doubt me try asking for directions, even airport employees don't know the way out. I've also heard that the ghosts of dead mobsters hang around security, and they'll break your kneecaps if you try and bring your shaving cream through.

Driving in Chicago is like a bad medication. It offers no benefit over a bicycle, and has side effects ranging from hypertension to paranoia and blind rage. Also, there are only two types of drivers in Chicago, aggressive, and marooned. Gentle personalities would do well to get a taxi.

There are many high points to Chicago. The highest is called the Sears tower. Someone else bought it a few years ago and changed the name, but frankly, no one cares. It was the tallest building in the world for a few years, and for the price of a fast food dinner you can zip to the top in a high speed elevator filled with gawking six year olds and exasperated chaperones. If you are particularly daft you can step out into a glass box and watch as you get a parking ticket 103 stories down.

The food in Chicago is another high point. There is nothing in the city that is low-fat, low-sodium, or low-calorie. It's heavenly. It is also a great weight loss program for your wallet.

The people in Chicago are great. Everyone I met was friendly, some were quite odd, but they were all friendly. Until they got in a car.

Finally there is the lake. Imagine an ocean with no salt, no sharks, and no lanky long haired surfer dudes. It's perfect, especially if you don't care to swim. The downside for swimming is riptides, along with E. coli. But hey, most of the fish are ok, so how bad could it be?

Overall, I suggest everyone visit Chicago at least once. Preferably during the "taste of Chicago" (a festival with LOTS of food). It will stretch your faith, your patience, and your waistband.

July 11th, 2015, 08:57 PM
Also, there are only two types of drivers in Chicago: aggressive, and marooned.
I think this works better with a colon before you list the driver types.

Until they got in a car.
This sentence sounds better than it reads. It might work to precede this statement with 'well,' or end with ', that is.' to link it to the previous sentence.

Generally, I think you mention 'Chicago' too many times. You could try 'this city' or 'here' or some metaphor to break the repetition and vary the rhythm.

I enjoyed the piece otherwise. The passive cynicism is portrayed well.

July 11th, 2015, 10:51 PM
Duly noted, thank you. I see what you mean about the repetition and the sentence changes you suggested. Thanks for the feedback.

July 19th, 2015, 06:28 AM
Until they got in a car.

I'd have to agree with troughs, specifically here. Great piece of work, however this sentence could have been written out a bit such as "Until they got in the car, that is.".

July 25th, 2015, 12:34 AM
That was an enjoyable read. It was entertaining and informative. If you want to further describe Chicago, you could mention the annoying toll booths. :joyous: Overall, the story is well written.

Apex Predator
July 27th, 2015, 03:03 AM
Good read :)

Very short and to the point.

Gave a brutally simple, yet reasonably descriptive excerpt about the city of Chicago

December 17th, 2015, 03:19 PM
A cautionary tale, and well told in my view.