PDA

View Full Version : Rubiks World Chapter 2



caters
July 10th, 2015, 08:01 PM
This is the second chapter. It is about when the cubes formed an empire.

Here is the second chapter:

The Cubes decided to form an empire.

The cuboids and other shapes got mad at the cubes saying, “We don’t want an empire.”

The Cubes said “Our empire is a good empire not a bad one.”

This resulted in 3 empires in a war. The Cubes had a special circulatory system. If they are wounded the blood vessels are immediately cauterized resulting in little or no bleeding.

In the middle of the war, the 3x3 who was the empress told the 2x2x4 tower and the pyraminx “Lets coexist and be friends with each other. We will try to keep you out of our empire but we will still be friends.”

The 2x2x4 tower and the pyraminx said “But what if one of you cubes comes into one of our empires? Should we let them in assuming that they are there to get stuff from us that they need?”

The 3x3 said, “Yes you can let them in just like how we can let members of your empires in as long as they are not there to do any harm.”

Each of The Cubes has jobs. With each new discovery or invention in math and science, the cubes rotate jobs. When the jobs rotate if the cube is smaller than a 17x17, then the cube 1 layer larger takes over that job. (Unless it is a 2x2, in which case the 4x4 takes it over) If the cube is a 17x17 then the 1x1 takes over that job.

Here are the jobs for the original 17 cubes:
Gardener: 17x17
Animal care: 16x16
Meteorologist: 1x1
Scientist: 6x6
Teacher: 5x5
Cook: 7x7
Accountant: 2x2
Angler: 8x8
Doctor: 9x9
Guard (1st degree): 10x10
Guard (2nd degree): 11x11
Guard (3rd degree): 12x12
Guard (4th degree): 13x13
Guard (5th degree): 14x14
Guard (6th degree): 15x15

The extra 2x2 looks for water. The 2 extra 5x5s look for food. The extra 8x8 looks for metal ores. The extra 9x9 looks for wood and the extra 14x14 looks for gems.

The empires all agreed to make a solar still that can purify 1369 gallons at a time.

The 1x1 cube said, “Look out, a thunderstorm is heading this way.”

The Cubes were happy about it because this would fill their solar still by a little which given its dimensions would be 17.6 gallons. All the other empires had their own solar stills and so got 17.6 gallons as well. The 17x17 was most likely to be electrocuted. They do not even have shelter yet. Each cube found a ditch without any water in it or trees around it.

Unfortunately, the 17x17 was electrocuted. The 9x9 rushed to help the 17x17 since the current could have gotten to his heart and caused V fib and/or A fib. It did. Luckily, these are shockable rhythms. He used the defibrillator. It did not do it. However, another lightning strike came and reversed the A fib and/or V fib.

The 9x9 said, “Unfortunately he is going to periodically go into and out of A fib and/or V fib. Hopefully he won’t die and if he does we know what to do to produce a new 17x17.”

He did die.

The next morning all the cubes other than the 9x9 said “Oh my. What happened to him? Is he still asleep?”

The 9x9 said “No. He died from the thunderstorm because we had no shelter.”

The Cubes were thinking of producing another 17x17.
The 3x3 asked the 2x3x4 to take up gardening since the 17x17 died.

The 15x15 decided to become pregnant (This is after a few months). So she mated with the 2x2. To make sure she got pregnant she mated several times. She made sure to eat a lot more calories than normal so that the baby would grow to be a 17x17. Childbirth was not very painful for her.

She calculated the cubie growth rate. There are 1538 cubies in a 17x17 cube. 18 years is 6570 days. She knew right off the bat that 1538 was not divisible by 5. So far, she had 4 days

She then converted the decimal part of that to 6 hours 29 minutes.

This means that it will be a 2x2 when it is about 1 month old.

After another 2 months, it will be a 3x3.

It grew to be a 17x17 in 18 years.

Issachar
July 10th, 2015, 09:52 PM
Caters,
The order seems odd, specifically that a civilization would form an empire before building shelters. The dialogue felt flat. Especially the dialogue between the cubes and the other geometric forms. Are you trying for a computer type dialogue? It would fit the story well if the various shapes conversed in a query, yes/no format, and developed more complex speech as the story progressed. Overall this feels like three chapters in one, each of which could stand alone if given more depth and detail.
Keep at it,
Issachar

caters
July 15th, 2015, 08:53 PM
But how would I know where to separate this 1 chapter into 3 chapters? I mean the way I see it the events are so interconnected like the empires and the major conflict and the thunderstorm and the death of one of their own kind.

Issachar
July 16th, 2015, 05:21 AM
Caters,
I would leave the empire for a later chapter, it doesn't fit that a species would form an empire while they are still working on basic survival. Perhaps tribal warfare could work if you feel that a violent conflict is necessary to drive the story forward. Overall I would say that more detail is needed to give the story life. Why do the other shapes mistrust the cubes? How do they fight? How do they choose a leader? What is the climate like? Are thunderstorms common? If so then why do they need a solar still? How did they get a defibrillator? You don't need to answer all of these questions in the story, but they would help to flesh it out and give it life. I find it helpful to write out a backstory on a different sheet of paper. For each character in a story I create a family history, favorite color, favorite food, religion, likes and dislikes, age, hair color, eye color, and temperament. Even if they never come into play they help me to define what the story is and where it is going.
Hope that helps,
Issachar