PDA

View Full Version : -s(t.rips) of s.k(in)- 323 words



-xXx-
July 10th, 2015, 12:57 AM
-s(t.rips) of s.k(in)- 323 words

she embraced the bubble with the whole of her, soaking in
the totality of that experience, cast a glance at the basket
full and moved ahead with more certainty. this one first.

the shell was harder and more brittle than one would expect,
cracking not as glass shatters, but not with the bounce
or pop of soap bubbles. caught there in the curvature of the
surface tension solidified was the iridescent flow of emotion;
condensed and precipitated. she felt the shudder of the basket.

the basket had been woven in season over a number of years.
willow comprised the most part with a bit of hazel tucked
in here, or cedar there. easter dawned in an unexpected
way; she picked up the basket and stepped right foot first
into the first light.

the coils of barbed wire had never rusted, but they had spread
like carpets of unrestrained mint for as far as the eye could see.
bubbles swarmed, drifted and settled in waves. some shone,
colored sparks of contained fireworks dangled mid air while others
shone as glowing globes filled with sun, moon and supernovae.
some sang, the pure ring of crystal or the low growl of
bass rasp even as quartet strings echoed grotto chambers
alongside. none had broken. she knew they never would.

into the bowl sank strands denser as she eased the sphere
apart, releasing each to the nature of it's ways.

the smell was summer grass freshly mowed and it rose
quickly over the sound of distant motorcycles caught in
the frayed edges between the river and the highway
that was equal parts church and corner bar. the sting
of hornets blistered her skin as the wide eyed cat
grinned and disappeared back into the basket purring
permutation.

left hand followed right as they ran opposing arcs through
the bowl and returned cupped to moisten her lips.

"good bye", she said, scissors in side pocket.

- 323 words

TKent
July 10th, 2015, 01:04 AM
xxx, I'll admit, I'm not 100% sure of what I read but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It was weird and had such a cool feel to it. Some things I read and don't fully understand and I find it frustrating. This is one of those pieces that makes me want to come back and figure it out because it feels like it would be rewarding. And the writing was so cool, that it is enjoyable regardless.

TKent
July 10th, 2015, 01:56 PM
Ha, so here I am again, reading your little piece. That's how much it stuck with me :) In looking at my comments from last night when I was in a bit of a hurry, I realized that I wasn't very clear when I stated some things that I don't understand leave me frustrated in a bad way. I meant to compare that to this, which although I'm pretty sure I don't understand everything about it, it is not in a frustrating way. It is in more of the way that has me coming back to read it again and let it percolate in my gray matter some more :) This was even better this morning.

Also, the title was what grabbed me immediately. With short fiction, the title is so important!

also:

"precipitated" spelling

kbsmith
July 11th, 2015, 09:31 PM
I like how you don't hold the reader's hand throughout the piece. You tell us what happens with no back story or context and I can appreciate the piece more because of that.
I like your style: some of the images are very surreal and imaginitive. You've got a great voice.

-xXx-
July 15th, 2015, 11:13 PM
TKent, kbsmith, et al.

Thank you for your feedback. :)

It's been a busy-after-a-holiday kind of rush,
and I wanted to pause long enough to respond.

I like to refer to this kind of writing as a
personal codex piece.
Some might liken it to trying to capture a dream.

This is a more deeply personal piece than much of
what I write, and certainly more so than what I would
generally consider posting.

I have revisited this piece and considered transforming
it into a micro (-73 words) or 2 standalone micros; one
a further development on the first (+177 words).

What, if any, are your thoughts?
Please, and thanks,
-xXx-
m

TKent
July 15th, 2015, 11:43 PM
I don't know that I know enough about microfiction to make a recommendation but I have recently stumbled upon a journal I like that focuses on compressed arts. I do know I really like this piece. The journal I mentioned is looking for tryptichs right now (http://matterpress.com/submissions/) I think this piece would be very cool in that format. There are so many elements of the story that could be expanded upon like the old "pop up" videos where they would display random facts related to the video. Anyway, this made me think of that site so thought I'd share :)

-xXx-
July 16th, 2015, 12:21 AM
ohhh my.
that page is about real writers.

*plays with words*
*stares at link*
*plays*
*with words*
:)
*cryptic tryptich*
*hop.scotch*