View Full Version : Story Opening

July 8th, 2015, 07:04 PM
So I have started this new story, for the billionth time, and need a little help with the start. No idea on the first couple of paragraphs, even a prolouge would be good. Anything is helpful.

After a series of wars, colloquially know as the Petroleum Wars, running from 2026 through 2072, the world is on the brink of a fourth and final world war.
The joint governments of the North Atlantic Coalition Treaty have begun a human biological weaponization project in the pursuit of a perfect weapon against the allied Indian Ocean's Peoples Republic and the Eastern European Communist States.
The people of the western world are poverty stricken, plagued with crime and government sanctioned terrorism, public oppression of state.
In 2073, as a part of the human weaponization project, the states of the NACT hold a mandatory Intelligence Quotient test for all children between the ages of 12 and 16, for the best minds. One child is admitted for the test and recieves a IQ of 278, despite being only 10, this being the second highesst ever recorded IQ behind William James Sidis.
The second installment of the trials begins as a physical examination and training regiment but quickly devolves in physical augmentation rehabilitation and a series of armed and unarmer combat sequences.
The third trials are to test the mental faculties and capabilities of the subjects, testing fears, sanity and mental breaking points.
The fourth would be a handful of survival experiments where the subjects are all thrust into a hazardous enviroment and forced to survive. During the second trial, it is interrupted by the Eastern European Communists Army, of which the NACT were aware and planned for the youngest subject to act as a source off information. The child kills another of the subjects to garner their trust and is taken with them.
The child acts as a intel source but is quickly found out. A newly formed ally takes the fall for him instead and is executed, persuading him to help protect the world from further harm by those who harm it most, the western world. We learn that this execution was planned by the Eastern Europeans to persuade the child to help them.

July 8th, 2015, 07:43 PM
What pov do you plan to tell the story in? That usually helps me. It sounds like a good idea, but I think that might be helpful (figuring out who/what tells the story)

July 8th, 2015, 08:59 PM
For something like this, I'd use the third person POV, and tell the story from the points of view of several different characters, both administering and undergoing the trials (though I'd keep the administration details ambiguous, to keep the reader guessing at what's really going on). I'd tell the youngest child's (hereafter referred to as Child 278, for his IQ) story peripherally until the big reveal (when he kills the other child).

If it were me, I'd probably start it off with a cold open, with the kid Child 278 is supposed to kill maybe running for his life or attempting to outflank an opponent. Child 278 steps out with a gun raised, and his victim says something along the lines of "Oh, it's you." From there, rewind to where the tests are starting and work your way up to the cold open, and then bam, kid's dead and Child 278 is scooped up for espionage.

Just a suggestion. Hope it helps.

July 12th, 2015, 03:43 AM
That sounds awesome. Were the wars called the 'Petroleum Wars' because the conflict was regarding oil? If so, I like that. Fighting for resources may be inevitable in the future. In the prologue, I would definitely try to make these wars sound as realistic as possible. I think it'll make the reader a lot more connected to the novel if they see that this conflict is because of human greediness and wastefulness. I think it'll help better paint the humans (or government more specifically) as the cold people you are portraying with your premise. Just my two cents, really like your idea.

September 16th, 2015, 02:57 AM
Hello, I think the prologue (if that is what it is meant to be) is very interesting and personally captured my utter attention quite immediately. I do have some questions, are the trials outlined following the scores of the single child who scored an IQ of 278 or just stating what the child will be going through out the novel? The end seems more of a summery to me of what the story will become. Is that what you were trying to accomplish? The basic outline of what will follow or is the child/murderer already through these stages?
Again I find this work very interesting and hope to see more of it!

Arthur G. Mustard
September 18th, 2015, 10:50 PM
What a fantastic idea and I'm drawn in. I had to read it twice to absorb all the information given and maybe this could be overwhelming for some. If your looking for advice, and you don't have to take it, this is how I would tackle it;

1. Decide on your plot and stick to it; start, middle and end.
2. Choose maybe 3/4 main characters and give them the main scenes and dialogue.
3. Keep to the main thread, but tell it from different view points, this is where you could introduce secondary characters.
4. Mix it up with good narrative, good dialogue and plenty of action, keep the reader wanting to turn the page.
5. Run multiple story lines and characters, but eventually merge them in to one.
6. Keep reading through and also allow others to do so.

A novel or novella is a hard task, but keep going with it and reach your goal. Remember this is a fantastic forum for help, feedback and critique and there are plenty of good people here who will walk the journey with you. Good luck with your work.