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aj47
June 26th, 2015, 11:32 PM
Write five quick lines in iambic pentameter about what you can see where you are right now.


For example:

The tower fan is blowing on my face.
My monitor needs cleaning pretty bad.
I set the landline phone up on the shelf.
The cable's here so I could charge my cell--
Too bad, I left it in the other room.

Edit:

I think I left it in the other room.

My additions.

This work is really harder than it sounds
My surgery is scheduled for next week.
And now you know what occupies my mind.

PiP
June 27th, 2015, 12:07 AM
My desk/ is clear/ which makes/ a plea/sant change.
The pens/ are neat/ly stored/ in a/ chipped mug
The pile/ of pap/ers, prose/ and po/ems grow.
Until/they top/ple off/ my desk/once more.
I sigh/ because/ my desk/ now needs/ a dust.

Gumby
June 27th, 2015, 12:44 AM
My table is very cluttered today
And dear hubby is blaring the telly.
My kingdom for a good pair of earplugs.
Or maybe I should offer my firstborn,
No, that would be too high a price to pay.



I actually feel as if that last line is the only one which scans true. At least to my ear. :)

musichal
June 27th, 2015, 12:52 AM
A moon upon the wall made in ceramic
Jumper scratching hard upon my chair
My PC screen with words set in iambic
the scent of potpourri is in the air
A solid colored sheet hangs on the door

[added]
I do not like this poem any more
reminds me of a coach I had in football
who drilled us 'til our bodies were resigned
to hurt and burn became no fun at all
now astroannie wants to do my mind

aj47
June 27th, 2015, 03:35 AM
Nice work. Some is more iambic than others. Remember an iamb is a heartbeat. daDUM Other rhythms have their own names but we're not going to muddy the waters.

Look over your work. If you can't clap it out daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM then work on it. Don't hesitate to edit. And while you're in there, add a few random thoughts in iambic pentameter. I'm about to go do mine.

aj47
June 27th, 2015, 08:39 AM
My desk/ is clear/ which makes/ a plea/sant change.
The pens/ are neat/ly stored/ in a/ chipped mug
Do you say "uh" or "ay" chipped mug? The rhythm is a bit off here ... daDUM daDUM daDUM da da daDUM
The pile/ of pap/ers, prose/ and po/ems grow.
Until/they top/ple off/ my desk/once more.
I sigh/ because/ my desk/ now needs/ a dust.

Phil Istine
June 27th, 2015, 12:17 PM
The empty coffee cup; it stands alone,
illuminated by the glowing screen.
The master groans and screams for more caffeine.
Awake, the thirst for words inflates his pride.
Asleep, his fledgling demons learn to hide.


Hmm. I drifted away from the visual there but it was fun anyway :) . It's healthy to laugh at myself.

aj47
June 27th, 2015, 01:15 PM
My table is very cluttered today
my TAble is VERy CUTtered toDAY
my TAble IS veRY clutTERED toDAY
And dear hubby is blaring the telly.
My kingdom for a good pair of earplugs.
Or maybe I should offer my firstborn,
No, that would be too high a price to pay.


The purple is how I read it, the blue is how iambic sounds.

it sounds forced to me if I try to read it in a daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM daDUM rhythm.

A couple others, too. Maybe showing the emphasis will help.


A moon upon the wall made in ceramic
a MOON upON the WALL in cerAmic
a MOON upON the WALL in CERaMIC
Jumper scratching hard upon my chair
My PC screen with words set in iambic
the scent of potpourri is in the air
A solid colored sheet hangs on the door

[added]
I do not like this poem any more
reminds me of a coach I had in football
who drilled us 'til our bodies were resigned
to hurt and burn became no fun at all
now astroannie wants to do my mind

It's cute that you rhyme. Again, the purple is how I read it, the blue is how iambic sounds.

Look at the rest of these and see if you can spot the variances with iambic yourself.

PiP
June 27th, 2015, 01:16 PM
The pens/ are neat/ly stored/ in a/ chipped mug
Do you say "uh" or "ay" chipped mug? The rhythm is a bit off here ... daDUM daDUM daDUM da da daDUM

I see what you mean. It would be 'ay' and of course that is not a strong enough word. Is this any better?

An old/chipped mug/ now used/ to store/my pens

aj47
June 27th, 2015, 01:22 PM
I see what you mean. It would be 'ay' and of course that is not a strong enough word. Is this any better?

An old/chipped mug/ now used/ to store/my pens

Very much better. :)

Look at other folks' work and see if you can spot any non-iambic lines.

Darkkin
June 27th, 2015, 02:23 PM
My super glued lamp with its faded shade
An ivy with its tendrils creeping down the leg.
A handful of marbles in an old Ball jar--
And everywhere, books, so many, too many
I do not think I get this, I do not think I do.

Bits of glass, shaped and bright, some sea, some blown
A ball of foil, a few kisses stolen—
My Tardis is there on a middle shelf
A faded globe holding back a tide of knowledge,
A line small paw prints in the dust--

Gumby
June 27th, 2015, 05:31 PM
The table should not be so cluttered, yes?
Hubby blares the telly much too often. Started with the Dum, I think.
It seems that hubby might be going deaf.
My kingdom isnít worth the price I paid.
Maybe I should offer up my firstborn? Did it again. :)
I cannot offer up my firstborn son.
Iím glad I cleaned my house the other day.

midnightpoet
June 27th, 2015, 07:45 PM
My glass of tea is on the desk
it's doubled glass but still it sweats
i added just a little mint
it's nice and cold and full of ice
and it's still half full from lunch

musichal
June 27th, 2015, 07:51 PM
Non-iambic:

and it's still half-full from lunch [delete 'and']

Hubby blares the telly much too often. Started with the Dum, I think.
Hubby blares the telly much too often. [Was fine, I think.]


My super glued lamp with its faded shade [awkward emphasis on glued]
My glued-together lamp with faded shade
An ivy with its tendrils creeping down the leg. [Actually, I think this was right.]
Ivy tendrils creeping down a table leg
A handful of marbles in an old Ball jar--
Handful of marbles in an old Ball jar
And everywhere, books, so many, too many
So many books, too many books around
I do not think I get this, I do not think I do.
I do not think I get this, no I don't
Bits of glass, shaped and bright, some sea, some blown
Bright bits of glass in shapes, some sea, some stone
A ball of foil, a few kisses stolen—
Some stolen kisses and a ball of foil
A faded globe holding back a tide of knowledge
A faded globe retains a tide of knowledge

Am I 100% certain of all this? No, just trying to complete the assignment.

midnightpoet
June 27th, 2015, 08:12 PM
Yeah, it reads HUH -by BLARES, emphasis s/b on the second syllable? daDum. Okay class, write on the blackboard...:D

musichal
June 27th, 2015, 08:40 PM
You can start with emphasis on a first syllable as a slight variation as long as you keep alternate syllable emphasis on that line. At least that was what I was taught, and is often used that way.


I also saw no problem with

Maybe I should offer up my first-born

escorial
June 27th, 2015, 08:50 PM
if searched read but i just can't get it all....other than that i was interested in doing it

musichal
June 27th, 2015, 09:06 PM
Actually, great poets depart from slavishly following iambic pentameter quite often; the point is to master the basics so that when you depart from them, you are aware of it and you are doing it for a purpose.


Consider

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. (William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet)

The second line da-dum da-dum da-dum da-dum da-da-dum.

He could have held to i.p. by dropping "is" - Juliet the sun
but he obviously wanted the rhythm change, both 'is'-es and it does add interest


[Uhh-oh, the coach is back, hope she doesn't make us run wind-sprints.]

aj47
June 27th, 2015, 09:35 PM
Actually, great poets depart from slavishly following iambic pentameter quite often; the point is to master the basics so that when you depart from them, you are aware of it and you are doing it for a purpose.

Exactly. It's like practicing scales in music. No one expects a singer to get up and perform scales and it's the same here. These aren't performance pieces, but exercises.

Darkkin
June 27th, 2015, 10:20 PM
I don't get it, can't get it. ](*,). (Dehydrated pond bilge blowing, dust in the wind...).

aj47
June 27th, 2015, 11:43 PM
I don't get it, can't get it.

Sure you can.

Lets start with baby steps. Do-re-mi.

Make a list of iambic words. Here are a few:

intense
divulge
discreet
commence

Now, you try.

musichal
June 27th, 2015, 11:46 PM
pretend
coerce
into
forget
relax



OMG, I just got speared and gutted by the LM Judges! :applause:

PiP
June 27th, 2015, 11:59 PM
Make a list of iambic words.


Asleep
Awake
Goodbye?
Astound
Below

Gumby
June 28th, 2015, 01:31 AM
Intense
Believe
Okay
Behind
Create



Hubby blares the telly much too often. Started with the Dum, I think.
Hubby blares the telly much too often. [Was fine, I think.]


Oh, I see. I thought our assignment was to start with the da, not just to make it iambic. Duh! :)

midnightpoet
June 28th, 2015, 02:35 AM
commit
inane
foretell
emit
ready

musichal
June 28th, 2015, 05:04 AM
Intense
Believe
Okay
Behind
Create

Oh, I see. I thought our assignment was to start with the da, not just to make it iambic. Duh! :)

you may be right, I'm not sure
certainly aa's examples all begin as you say

PiP
June 28th, 2015, 12:54 PM
ready

I'm not sure about ready. :scratch:

LOL sorry I read 'ready' as Strong/weak not weak /strong

Gumby
June 28th, 2015, 01:36 PM
As in, is it iambic or as in are we ready? :)

PiP
June 28th, 2015, 01:51 PM
As in, is it iambic or as in are we ready? :)

Iambic. It was only when you LOL'd I realised the double meaning! :)

musichal
June 28th, 2015, 02:04 PM
Yes, it would be difficult and odd to say read-EE.

Is this iambic:

Ready to fight all through the night

I read it: READy to FIGHT all THROUGH the NIGHT - or dum-da-da-dum da-dum da-dum


Really, what I am asking is what our Coach means to include in the term iambic - just a clarification of terms. Does it include variations, as above? or a straight da-dum repeating?
No starting on an emphasis, dum-da?

DUM-da, iambic?

Running though a field so ripe with grain.

RUNning THROUGH a FIELD so RIPE with GRAIN

aj47
June 28th, 2015, 02:36 PM
No, Iambs start unstressed. Always. A stressed syllable followed by an unstressed syllable is a trochee.

Think of a heartbeat. An iamb is a heartbeat. daDUM

Gumby
June 28th, 2015, 02:40 PM
Thanks coach. ;) See, you've got a new name, now. If you don't like it, blame musichal.

musichal
June 28th, 2015, 02:43 PM
Just add it to the list, I'm a responsible guy. I can take it.


Ah! Clarification! It helps make things so clear! Now that we have all mastered iambic and trochee, can we write a few lines? :icon_bounce:


I had a date with a new girl last night
She kissed me once and it was very nice
She was real nice we didn't even fight
and only pepper-sprayed me last night twice.

ArrowInTheBowOfTheLord
August 26th, 2015, 04:10 AM
Behind me in the recess in the wall
Are stacked my books, my Bible, papers, all
The toys are jumbled in a plastic box:
So many soldiers, dragons, Legos, mine
And all these creatures from a distant time,
Each with a tale, a story in my mind.
The fan is spread, the painted plate displayed,
The Touchstone magazines and homemade game,
Around it, verses, poems, lyrics scrawled
Behind me in the recess in the wall.


How is that?

RayEver
August 26th, 2015, 10:46 AM
cat hair covers my keyboard
tufts of fur support my mouse
I can't see it but I'm sure fur impairs my computers ability to breathe
Annie strolls between me and my monitor
although I sit upright she climbs on my chest



not sure if I understand I P , kinda new to me, but I think I'm close .

Phil Istine
August 26th, 2015, 12:50 PM
cat hair covers my keyboard
tufts of fur support my mouse
I can't see it but I'm sure fur impairs my computers ability to breathe
Annie strolls between me and my monitor
although I sit upright she climbs on my chest



not sure if I understand I P , kinda new to me, but I think I'm close .

It seems to me that it's meant to be ten syllables on each line with syllables 2, 4, 6, 8 and 10 stressed. That's why it's pentameter, penta for the five pairs of unstressed/stressed syllables and meter speaks for itself. Sometimes there may be debate about whether some syllables are one or two (e.g. something like "-ion" in million). That can be about dialect and poetic licence though.
The unstressed/stressed should occur naturally.
Annie explains it better further up the thread.

RayEver
August 29th, 2015, 06:59 AM
Ok I get it now


Hummer outside thru glass I see she can't
distance inches away beauty cavorts
so close wings blurred tongue flicks I see it all
flowers growing nearby purpose realized
and best of all it drives the cat crazy



sorry for the last line, I couldn't help myself. I was going for something beautiful ..... but hey, it's practice.
just trying to understand the rules of this exercise. When i write there are no rules... but I feel I should understand what the rules are when I break them.
One more ..
As far from the Shakespeare example as I could get


I'm drunk garage kinda drinking .. again
music pounding, well not pounding but loud
the clash , sublime , the stones , golgol bordelo
filter... hey man nice shot.... linda ronstadt
sing blue bayou makes me happy again

J.J. Maxx
September 9th, 2015, 02:41 AM
The sterile walls surround the marching feet
And halls of alabaster numbs the pain
The whitened stones of antiseptic streets
Are carrying the injured and insane
But its my duty never to retreat

Scizologic
February 23rd, 2016, 08:54 AM
On desk amid the clutter lie, two seed.
Their berth: a spot surrounded by keyboard,
notebook, tissue, and flat monitor bright.
Their guard: flash-light, pen, vitamin, light globe,
Chap-Stick, a glass half full, and red mouse flank.


Here are the beats, strange as they sound:

On desk amid the clutter lie, two Seed.
Their berth: a spot surrounded by keyboard,
notebook, tissue, and flat monitor bright.
Their guard: flash-light, pen, vitamin, light globe,
Chap-Stick, a glass half full, and red mouse flank.

lessons learned? When stuck with a crummy beat like "daDUM/daDUM/daDUM/dada/DUMDUM" or similar, then hold that beat pattern throughout and if one line runs into the next, try to carry that first-line's last foot into the second Also, words that end with s occasionally carry a unwanted syllable. For example, Compare the words: "seeds" vs "summers".

I used real desk-top objects only, but those DUMDUM words like "keyboard" and "notebook" are just brutal and maybe best avoided?

RC James
January 23rd, 2018, 10:23 AM
A guitar clock hanging straight over head,
Marilyn, famous billowing white skirt
subway vent escapade, flashes popping.
Real guitars scattered, tired from the day-
long prodding, stroking new tentative sounds.