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passtheremote
June 13th, 2015, 12:02 AM
OK so currently working on this, have the first 5 chapters done, but in serious need of a good edit, however this is the prologue which has been heavily invested in and a large number of time spent on it. let me know what you all think


The zombie apocalypse...everyone seems to talk about it. Joking about what they would do if such a thing ever happened. It was fun to discuss how they would go about surviving. No one ever expected it to actually happen.
Of course all of these things start small; new strain of the "cold" comes around and people die...sometimes they come back, sometimes they don’t. The story is as old as the hills and has been done to death in countless formats when they started coming back,
People just assumed that their loved ones were in a state of suspended animation brought on by the cold. A biological response to slow the body’s systems in order to fight the virus. The afflicted were tended to and, of course, they would bite and kill the people who were only trying to help. You would think that after the first couple of cases they would start recognizing the pattern and put a round into the brain once you died; but somehow at the time when it was just a cold outbreak no one considered this. I also think, at the start, putting a round into a loved one’s brain seemed horrifying, especially when a lot of them didn’t come back anyways. No one really wanted to do it. It wasn’t until people started to die on the street, and in their homes, as the virus got worse that people realized action needed to be taken. By that time it was already too late to contain the damage.

TKent
June 13th, 2015, 12:34 AM
Hello,

I enjoyed your prologue. The writing is clean, and the only sentence that jumped out as needing attention was this one. I might just stop this with a period after death. It is a smoother sentence with more punch IMO and you don't need the rest.


The story is as old as the hills and has been done to death in countless formats when they started coming back,

On a more general note, the thing you might consider is that like vampires, zombie stories are everywhere. So as a reader, one thing I would want to see in a zombie story prologue is what is going to make this one different than all of the rest. For me personally, it could be a twist on the base zombie story or characters so engaging that I want to read their story whether it be situated in Zombieland or a Zombie-less farm in Kansas, or maybe a writing style that is so unique/masterful/etc. that I would read the sentences no matter what they are about. With this prologue, I'm not sure that there was enough there to grab my attention and make me keep going. So that is my main concern. However, it could be that your chapter one goes BAM into a great story with great characters. If so, honestly, I'd ditch the prologue. Get right to it. In Walking Dead (the TV series) I can't remember much ever being said about what happened. It starts smack dab in the action. Anyway, that is my opinion but that may just be me!

Best of luck with your writing :)

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Oh yes, I forgot to mention that you have the prologue copied twice in a row. I read a bit of it a second time before realizing it, so you might want to delete the second instance.

passtheremote
June 13th, 2015, 09:51 AM
Thanks TKent, yeah chapter 1 introduces the main characters and starts the main story, the prologue is just the introduction to the world, and the fact that the world does know about zombies, (kind of like how Scream everyone know about Horror movies)

TKent
June 13th, 2015, 01:16 PM
passtheremote, I have a longer work that I put aside for awhile and have now started working on it again. I had a prologue that I've kept there for ages because it was that first spurt of writing that excited me about the story I was going to write. I had been told by numerous people to cut it and just make the information available as part of the story. I kept it around however because it is what motivated me, knowing that when the first draft was done, I'd be able to decide whether it was needed or not. That is the beauty of writing. You can change it any time! So keep writing :) When you get to the point you are ready to edit, then you can decide whether it can stand as is, needs just a little tweaking, needs a complete rewrite, or maybe even can be cut because the story doesn't need it anymore. Mine is what motivates me so even if I cut it, it served a very important purpose.

You'll have to share your first chapter when the time is right :)

passtheremote
June 13th, 2015, 01:29 PM
First chapter is done, its just...well messy, needs a serious edit done on it, I will considering posting it up, just need to make it clean first