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Brian A Seals
June 2nd, 2015, 09:12 PM
Fwd: Deterra's "History of The Anomaly"


From; "Evelyn Summers", <[email protected]>

To: "Bill Garrett, PhD", <[email protected]> Mar16 1:35 pm



Hey Bill,

The following transcript is from an attachment that was sent via email, to Laughton University Online. The piece was generously provided by Professor Stanley Ulbricht, from their history department. Now, before you say anything, I know this isn't an example of Computer Science. I offer it only to illustrate, Ms. Lacroix-Deterra's maturity and her mastery of the facts. I'll remind you again, that Digit (that's what they call her) is a fifteen year-old grad student, that completed her college curriculum a year ago. I see no reason why someone of her talents, wouldn't be of at least some use to you and your crew.

I'm not suggesting that you take her aboard. (I understand that two children may be one too many) I just think that, as a consultant, she could assist with S.O.S. security issues, and that her expertise may come in handy against hacks, or any web-based threats.

We will meet and discuss at the usual time. The 'Concerns and POI' document, will be passed on then as well.

-Eve.

Evelyn Summers
Managing Director
Anomaly and Extraterrestrial affairs Department Washington, DC

---------------------------------------------------Forwarded Message------------------------------------
From: <[email protected]>
Date: Mar 5, 2014 12:03 pm
Subject: Deterra's "History of the Anomaly"
To: <[email protected]>

-Text copy of attachment (essay assignment) -Stan.




History of The Anomaly



by Gina Lacroix-Deterra

12/28/13



In order to get Anomalies, and to see that whole picture clearly, you have to get their connections to the alien races. So basically, the start of the Anomaly dates back to prehistory and the Egyptians. Extraterrestrials ran that civilization for years, and after their deaths, pharoahs that claimed to be connected to them, ruled uncontested. It's pretty well now known, that their subjects had mistaken the aliens for gods.

Thousands of years later, the Norse made the same mistake. But by that time, the race we call 'The Lenix' had command, and their shape shifting gifts made their deification by the people, more understandable. After the deaths of Freyr and Baldr, and finally Odin, alien rule of human life ended and we started to think after a while, that we were the only intelligent life forms around. Then, in 1857, we got corrected again.

Twenty-four shots, from Mars hit the Earth that year. What landed, turned out to be canisters full of 'Chennki', another race of aliens. The Martians were advanced enough at that time that, they could've easily become our conquerors for good. Luckily though, a few of us had come down with the flu, and that virus destroyed the invaders, before we even had a chance to rebel.

We wound up dodging slavery again, near the end of World War II. When the Axis powers were losing fast, Hitler and Co. got some major help from the 'Emorlon', a race of energy beings. These Emorlon like to walk around in hollow bodies, pretending to be us, but the vast majority of them hate our guts. Historians think that their plans, even today, are to use racial and religious differences, to divide and conquer humanity.

Back then, two things got in the way. One was the result of 'The Chennki Strike', or the Martian invasion. The 'red weed' they left, most of it died like they did, but some of that plant was saved, and looked at and studied. Geneticists found, that they could use the plant properties to tinker with DNA, and come up with all sorts of stuff. While messing with plant, and animal and human genes, scientists created, what would be called the first Anomalies.

According to the Stern-Workman dictionary, an anomaly (definition 4a) is, "a physical being, often humanoid, whose abilities and/or existence, defies evolution by natural selection". The group that defied the Axis, the 'Super-Americans', had two such people: Venture, and Liberty Jane. Despite this, the Super-Americans would not have been able to defeat the Emorlons, if it wasn't for the help of yet another alien, a Lenix called 'The Matriarch'. With her help, the Allied forces were able to defeat the Axis, and banish the horde of Emorlons from the globe.

Today, we are no longer under the threat of alien imperialism, but constant contact with other life forms, has changed the course of humanity. Approximately 0.00001% of the earth's population, are registered Anomalies. Some of their powers not only defy evolution, but science itself.

Some Anomalies are "test tube babies". These are descendants of the "Red Weed Project", of the 1930s. Some people come into contact with alien artifacts, in Egypt or Norway or Sweden, and they become Anomalies as a result. Others are a mix of races, when alien/human offspring beat the odds, and become viable.

Whatever the case, there are two basic types of Anomalies. Type 1 is the "Hero class", a generally benevolent group of vigilantes. Type 2 are "Rogues", that want to serve their gangs or just themselves. Whether Type 1 or 2, Anomalies are both loved, and hated by the general public. They are also responsible for 65%, of the major property damage cases, in the United States.

bilz346
June 3rd, 2015, 01:41 PM
Excellent post Seals. I really like the e-mail format. This would make a great prologue to a larger story. The story itself is compelling, but uses what seems like elements from other peoples' stories. There are a number of grammatical issues that should be fixed as well. Let's start with the things that seem like they come from other stories.

The aliens ruling the ancient Egyptians sounds just like Stargate.
I'm not sure about the Norse. I can't say I've heard anything about those gods being aliens, but is still reminiscent of the Marvel universe.
The Chennki invasion from Mars sounds like The War of the Worlds, though I've never read that book.
The "Hero" and "Rogue" classes sounds very much like George R. R. Martin's "Aces" and "Jokers" from the Wild Card series.

You may want to own these things more so that it doesn't sound like you're borrowing from others.

In the line "Hey, Bill;" I think you should change to "Hey Bill,". I've never seen anyone put a ; at the end of a greeting.

"Extraterrestrials ran that civilization for years"
How many years? While obviously an exact number is not needed, was it 5 or 500? Or somewhere in between? Should it read "ran that civilization for centuries"?

"But by that time, the race we call 'The Lenix' had command; and their shapeshifting gifts, made their deification by the people more understandable."
I'm not a fan of how you punctuated this sentence. I feel it would read better like this:
"But by that time, the race we call 'The Lenix' had command, and their shapeshifting gifts made their deification more understandable."

"After the deaths of Freyr and Baldr, and finally Odin, alien rule of human life ended and we started to think after a while, that we were the only intelligent life forms around."
This one also strikes me oddly. Maybe like this?
"After the deaths of Freyr and Baldr, and finally Odin, alien rule of human life ended. After a while, we thought we were the only intelligent life forms around."

"Historians think that their plans, even today, are to use racial and religious differences, to divide and conquer humanity."
This one could also be changed.
"Even today, historians think their plans are to use racial and religious differences to divide and conquer humanity."

"Geneticists found, that they"
Take out the ,

"While messing with plant, and animal and human genes, scientists created, what would be called the first Anomalies."
I feel that this line could be changed as well, but it may not match up with the character that was writing the history.
"While experimenting with genes, scientists created what would be called the first Anomalies."

"a physical being, often humanoid"
I really like this. Suggests that some Anomalies are not humanoid. Interesting.

I like the names, Venture and Liberty Jane. Venture was the name of one of the houses in Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn trilogy. I'm not sure about Liberty Jane, but I feel like I've heard that name somewhere else before.

"the Allied forces were able to defeat the Axis, and banish the horde of Emorlons from the globe."
How are energy beings that do not have bodies banished from the world? Obviously there is an entire story in here, but some brief description of how they were banished might be fitting.

"Approximately 0.00001% of the earth's population, are registered Anomalies."
Doing the math, this comes out to approximately 70,000 Anomalies, assuming a global population of 7 billion people. Is this the number that you were looking for? This also suggests that there are non-registered Anomalies out there as well.

I like the variations of how people are born/become anomalies as well.

And lastly, "They are also responsible for 65%, of the major property damage cases, in the United States." This is rich.

Great story. I hope to see more.

Brian.

Brian A Seals
June 3rd, 2015, 02:41 PM
Hey Brian, it's Brian.

Thanks so much, for taking time out to comment on the work. It is indeed, part of a larger story. In fact, this is the groundwork for my own superhero universe. Another piece of fiction based on that world, can be seen in an earlier thread in this particular forum, called "The Totem Archive".

Let's go right to "The War of The Worlds". When I was thinking about this universe, I decided that aliens were going to be involved from the beginning. I did make up most of the alien races myself, but I realized that H.G. Wells's work is in the public domain, and I thought it would be cool to incorporate that work into the history I was developing. I think it's cool, and since I'm not copying that story in any way, I'm just using it as a jumping off point, it works for me artistically, as well as legally. I'm not familiar with George R. R. Martin's work. I decided to use the word "Rogue" instead of "Villain", because I like it a lot more.

I will be dropping some semicolons from the piece, based on your suggestions. The one in the essay was a mistake, so thank you for catching it. As far as the rest of the language, I was trying my best to write as Digit and I think her voice should stand. So, even though I would personally change certain things regarding the English, Digit is a fifteen year old girl who's bright, but isn't a perfect writer. Not a cop out, I promise. I really have to make a decision when I edit this, to make sure that it's the character writing it and not me.

bilz346
June 4th, 2015, 02:01 AM
Absolutely. I would not think it a cop out to write something the PoV of a certain character. PoV is very important in my opinion, and I write all of my chapters from a single PoV, though that can change one chapter to another.

I didn't know that War of the Worlds was public domain now. As long as you're cleared from a legal standpoint, then I have no issue with the way you included it. I just wanted to point out the similarities I saw, to make sure you were aware of them.

Overall, I thought the piece was really good. I'm going to check out the other thread you mentioned above.

Brian.

3blake7
June 14th, 2015, 10:45 PM
So it's Chariots of the Gods inspired? If you haven't read it, I recommend it. It inspired Star Gate and Ancient Aliens.

kbsmith
June 17th, 2015, 06:06 AM
Interesting. I think you hit us with a lot of expository information there, which I realize is the basis for your story, but I think things like that are best left as 'invisible ink' that unfolded as natural realizations that the readers make. Let us read between the lines, we like that sort of thing. Tolkien knew the entire backstory behind all of his characters as he wrote Lord of the Rings, but did not spend time explaining it, rather, he let the story unfold.

I like the e-mail format. It threw me at first and might be a bit gimmicky, but It certainly shows how much this girl knows about this alternate universe. I'd really like more explanation into how Digit's History of the Anomaly makes her more qualified for the position on the crew.

I am most interested to know more about this mission that the White House wants to send a fifteen year old girl on. Obviously something to do with alien exploration, but the juicy details aren't there. Elaborate!

Also, I understand you are trying to write from the PoV of Digit, the 15 year old, but should also remember that she is also Digit, the college graduate. Her writing may not be exactly indicative of this.

Keep working at it and tell us more about this mission!