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tmason
March 23rd, 2015, 06:50 AM
So, I thought I would start my very first creative writing piece by posting a dream that I written down as soon as I woke up.

Not sure if this qualifies as fiction or not but I want to hear how I can improve on it.

Here goes:


I am in a large tent watching a circus performance by a large burly man with a lasso. The reach of the lasso is pretty long and he is showing off his skills in front of a captivated crowd.

At some point during the performance he stops and tries to dazzle a child, but the child is unimpressed. I start to make fun of this to him very loudly. Irritated, he continues but fails. I dig into him more and more.

Frustrated, he stops the show and leaves. I go with him and we are together in a vehicle going somewhere. We get to his home, which is an old house with all-white siding. I stand outside of his house while he goes in. I then hear tons of gun shots from inside the house but I do nothing as I didn’t realize where the shots were coming from. I am not startled at first at all. I then slowly begin to get scared as I realize the shots are of some sort of rotary or Gatling gun directed at me. I run down the street.

Since the street sits on top of a hill I am traveling down a hill. The house itself is at the corner of a fork where you could see the street and front of the homes further down as well as see the backyards of these homes. As I run down the street on the side of the front of the homes, I run past two children. One of the children I run past was the child of the show. I stop and take cover next to these two children who were playing in the driveway of their home. While they seem a little scared they are very quiet.

The man is firing the Gatling gun in my general direction and then starts to throw grenades as well. The grenades roll down the hill and explode at some point further down. I get up to get a better look at the man and one grenade passes right by my head to go down the street. I take cover again.

At this point I look and see that the door of the house I am taking cover next to has the door open. I rush inside but stop near the front door once I am inside. Inside the house there is an older black woman on a chair staring directly at me. Next to me, on a stand of about up to my elbow is a .44 silver revolver. On the coffee table in front of the woman is a large chef’s knife. I then look and see there is a back door leading directly to the backyard. I run to the backyard but then stop at the entrance to it because I realize that the man with the Gatling gun could see me if I go out.

I then go back to the front entrance to the house and look at the older black woman staring at me, realizing the expression on her face was of one letting me know I have an important decision to make.

Now, here is the craziest part of the dream. I saw all of the possible choices I could make but not necessarily the final conclusion of those decisions.

Option 1: I run back outside to the front yard and take cover with the kids. The man then slowly makes his way to where I am at, firing the gun and throwing grenades along the way. Eventually he makes his way down the street to where I am at but he doesn’t know I am there. He slowly walks above me as I am trying my hardest not to make any movement. The children are silent as well. The man then slowly gets about 5-10 feet from me, but then the dream ends as he stops dead in his tracks.

Option 2: I pick up the .44 silver revolver on the stand. I then take a position with the kids outside of the house and slowly start taking aim at the man. I am scared of how calm I am; no shaking of the hands or nervousness on my part. The intensity of the gunfire from the man increases. I then pull the trigger, hitting the man, but he does not fall but instead looks at me and points his Gatling gun.

Option 3: I pick up the knife and then take cover with the kids. Similar to before, I stay quiet as the man makes his way in my direction, firing the gun and throwing the grenades along the way. As he finally gets above me, I hold the knife closely to my chest as I remain deadly silent. The kids are silent as well but just stare at me. The man gets past me and then I take a leap and stab the man on the side of his neck but no blood comes out.

Option 4: I run out the backdoor to the backyard. I run through the backyard and the man sees me and fires in my direction. The bullets are flying by my head but his aim seems to get better as I am running. He starts running in my direction while firing the gun and his aim is getting better.

The dream then ends after I go over these options, not seeing the results of anything.

Book Cook
March 23rd, 2015, 09:01 AM
I got to witha and thought it was a one-off. It turns out that it's not. Fix the spaces; it is really difficult to read it this way.

tmason
March 23rd, 2015, 09:05 AM
I got to witha and thought it was a one-off. It turns out that it's not. Fix the spaces; it is really difficult to read it this way.

Thanks, fixed; I copied and pasted from Microsoft Word. Guess that messed something up.

escorial
March 23rd, 2015, 12:46 PM
enjoyed the read dude

Toot Sweets
March 23rd, 2015, 09:34 PM
Wow, what a crazy dream! Although some of your phrasing is a bit of a challenge to read, you provided vivid descriptions that certainly had me engaged. Are you attempting to write a story involving the dream itself, or are you simply using the dream as plot inspiration? I feel like this could definitely be a suspenseful (and potentially intense/frightening) piece if you would so choose to carry forward with plot development. It reminds me some of Stephen King's It. Dreams are cool because they can be hilarious, terrifying and pleasant all at once. Thanks for sharing!

tmason
March 23rd, 2015, 11:03 PM
Wow, what a crazy dream! Although some of your phrasing is a bit of a challenge to read, you provided vivid descriptions that certainly had me engaged. Are you attempting to write a story involving the dream itself, or are you simply using the dream as plot inspiration? I feel like this could definitely be a suspenseful (and potentially intense/frightening) piece if you would so choose to carry forward with plot development. It reminds me some of Stephen King's It. Dreams are cool because they can be hilarious, terrifying and pleasant all at once. Thanks for sharing!

Thanks for reading; I would probably go with using a dream as plot inspiration; as it stands now the dream, while exciting, doesn't get you to care about me (the character) much at all.

That being said I'd like to "stick" to the dream as much as possible while adding the critical elements necessary for a story.

C.Waveman
March 25th, 2015, 11:04 AM
Wow crazy dream isn't it.
I have some suggestion here, make the whole story in past tense? Two tenses switching around is difficult for me. Second, maybe you can try to describe a situation in a simwith some more details? For example:
"I rush inside but stop near the front door once I am inside."
You could say "I rushed inside and stood there." I think this is a more efficient way of describing the situation. This sentence is simple and clear.
Sometimes descriptions can be very simple, sometimes they can be very detailed and complicated. Describe the environment around you and describe your senses.
For example:
"I rushed inside and stood there. I kept breathing hard, desperate for more air. My heart, thudding against my chest rapidly."

Just my own opinion. Hope they help :)

tmason
March 25th, 2015, 03:43 PM
Wow crazy dream isn't it.
I have some suggestion here, make the whole story in past tense? Two tenses switching around is difficult for me. Second, maybe you can try to describe a situation in a simwith some more details? For example:
"I rush inside but stop near the front door once I am inside."
You could say "I rushed inside and stood there." I think this is a more efficient way of describing the situation. This sentence is simple and clear.
Sometimes descriptions can be very simple, sometimes they can be very detailed and complicated. Describe the environment around you and describe your senses.
For example:
"I rushed inside and stood there. I kept breathing hard, desperate for more air. My heart, thudding against my chest rapidly."

Just my own opinion. Hope they help :)

Hmmm, some good tips! Thank you. I do have problems with tense switching so that is something I need to keep in mind. I can see how it makes a story confusing.

I will be rewriting this shortly and will keep what you said in mind.

C.Waveman
March 26th, 2015, 08:14 AM
looking forward for more creations from you! :love-struck:

tmason
March 27th, 2015, 10:27 PM
Thank you; I'll post an update on this dream/story in a bit.

Glenn_Beckett
May 3rd, 2015, 03:17 AM
Now, here is the craziest part of the dream. I saw all of the possible choices I could make but not necessarily the final conclusion of those decisions.

Cut this line, but mostly this is so weird and rad. It has a desperate, futile mood to it, like all unsettling dreams, and I like that it's been themed around that.