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TJ1985
February 2nd, 2015, 02:13 PM
I've found myself in an unusual pattern and I though it might help someone to put it before the group. I can't be the only person who finds a rut too deep to climb out of easily. :)

I can't seem to make anything work out of a very small pattern. It will be an aBcB pattern, and I might work nine syllables out, but 8 tends to be a normal for a and c in the pattern, with the B's being 5-7.

By the way, this is being written off the cuff to illustrate the problem. I'd be stunned if it didn't stink to high heaven.

As I look down the lonely road
I see a distant light.
Step by step I travel onward
to get there before night.

8a
6B
8c
6B

Does anyone have a tip for how I can branch into the forms? I've seen cinquain and it looks like it'd be a snap to write for, but the only thing that snaps is my temper because I can't shoehorn anything coherent into the blasted thing. It's not brain science or rocket surgery, it's 2-4-6-8-2, but I'll be a sockeyed son of a seafaring man if I can write to it. I can cram words into the form, sure, but they don't make sense.

Nothing makes me feel dumber than being presented with what appears to be a simple puzzle only to discover that it's impossible. This problem could win an award for how it's puzzled me.

rcallaci
February 2nd, 2015, 03:19 PM
TJ a litte cinquain primer

Cinquain

Cinquain is a short, usually unrhymed poem consisting of twenty-two syllables distributed as 2, 4, 6, 8, 2, in five lines.

Another form, sometimes used by school teachers to teach grammar, is as follows:

Line 1: Noun
Line 2: Description of Noun
Line 3: Action
Line 4: Feeling or Effect
Line 5: Synonym of the initial noun. (Shadow Poetry Website)

Warning: my second poem was not meant to offend those of softer sensibilities…


An Example of a Cinquain:



(A Winter Celebration)

Yuletide
green mistletoe
a kiss smile and a wink
cookie crumbs and a glass of milk
Christmas



Here I sandwiched in a Cinquain with 2 Tetractys



(a divine answer)


God
Young girl
Divine rape
The chosen child
Cuckold, betrayed; Joseph seeks an answer

Virgin
Grace and beauty
Golden light warm embrace
She lay on sanctified soil
Mary

Husband in name only; doing God’s work
The angels swore
Doubt no more
Have some
Faith


In this piece I did a Variation- a triple with some syllable alteration:


(The Heart is more than a muscle)


My Heart
missing a beat
a blood revolution
caught unawares by this vicious
Attack

Your Heart
in much distress
a great love turned sour
nothing but pain and one bad head
Ache

Our Hearts
once filled with love
now laid in waste and ruin
weak foundations just crumble and
Break

it's a fun form- don't get caught up in the count- just get the feel of it....

as for your first question- patience - it's also about finding the best words that fit in the pattern you're working on-if a word pops up that is over the count but it adds to the flow use it. Don't over analyze ...you may have a few bad ones at first but in time you'll learn the feel of it.


my warmest
bob

escorial
February 2nd, 2015, 03:20 PM
it really amazes me the complexity that poets fit into their work....

TJ1985
February 3rd, 2015, 12:18 AM
it really amazes me the complexity that poets fit into their work....

Don't feel bad esc, the more I try to learn the more I discover how poorly suited I am to this genre, lol.

Thanks Bob. I'll figure all this out. Until I do I think I'll stay in free verse and make a fool of myself with fewer rules. ;)

Nee
February 3rd, 2015, 02:11 AM
I think you should write only non-rhyming free-style poems for a couple of weeks. But, put a time limit on yourself.

Say, 7 mins.

Then when you have a pile of those, go back and make something out of them.

TJ1985
February 3rd, 2015, 02:31 AM
I think you should write only non-rhyming free-style poems for a couple of weeks. But, put a time limit on yourself.

Say, 7 mins.

Then when you have a pile of those, go back and make something out of them.

Sounds like a good exercise! Thanks!