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View Full Version : Primrose Lane. Adult. Coming of Age. Short.



hvysmker
November 22nd, 2014, 04:03 PM
I woke to a clattering of small stones against my window. No need to look, it had to be Jerry. I dressed in the dark.

I was quiet going down the stairs. Jerry was waiting, two of his favorite bamboo fishing poles in one hand, a small tackle box in the other. School was out for the summer and we planned to head over to Primrose Lane for some carp fishing. In those bygone days, two fourteen-year-old boys could still hang out without fear of predators.

Our favorite kick-can was still in the bushes where we'd left it the year before, rusting and the worse for wear but still solid, waiting to be kicked down the path. That day, in a hurry to get our hooks in before full sunrise, we decided to forgo that activity.

"What the devil's going on?" Jerry said, seeing a flash of color through shrubbery and blackberry bushes.

"Dunno, but we gonna find out and that's for darned sure."

We sped up, trying to run through mud and brambles. Entering the clearing, we stopped.

"That's a girl." Jerry pointed. "At our hole."

I went over to the path we'd worn from Primrose Lane to the private spot. Yep! My cardboard sign was still there, though a little torn. It read: "Pribate propty. B/longs ta Tom and Jerry. You guys stay out."

"I know her," I said, "from school. Easy Edna, she's called. A nerdy ninth-grader."

By that time, Jerry's over next to the girl. "What you doin' here? This is our hole, and on Tom's daddy's property. You can read."

She shrugged, shaking her pole to attract a fish. "I'm not a guy."

"Tell her, Tom. She has to leave. We ain't got no room here for a girl."

Was it the way she was sitting, her looks in those short-shorts, or was it puberty's call? I'll never know.

"Awww. It's okay, Jerry. We can go over there a ways."

"You a girl lover, Tom?"

"Come on. It's a better spot, anyway."

So we set up twenty-feet away, ignoring Edna. It wasn't long before she came over.

"I'm out'a worms. You guys got an extra one?"

"Hell no--"

"Yeah. I do," I said. I even put it on the line for her while she stood next to where I was sitting, towering over me. I saw what I thought was a flash of skin between her legs. Is she wearing underwear? I thought, becoming excited.

"Thank you, Tommy. I have trouble with slimy things." She felt the worm, running her finger over it, smiling. "Yours isn't so slimy."

"I ... well, I soak worms in water overnight. It makes them healthier."

She still had that penetrating smile, looking me direct in the eye. "I wash mine often, too." Then she went back, shaking her butt all the way back, and you can believe I noticed.

"Tommmmmyyyy." Jerry said. "You got a boner." He must have thought it hilarious, the way he laughed. "Wait till I tell the guys."

Somehow, I didn't care.

About lunchtime, we both left, Jerry going south down Primrose Lane, me north. After a few feet, though, I returned.

Edna didn't need to turn around. She must have heard me coming.

"Tommy. You want to share my pole? Come on, don't be shy. I might even share yours."

"I don't have one. They both belong to Jerry."

"Then maybe we can both share your worm?" She laughed. "If it isn't too slimy."

Well, that was the first time I shared my worm, and it beat the hell out of fishing.

The End.
Charlie

Smith
November 22nd, 2014, 05:25 PM
Good story. The characters had good voices, and you did a great job of setting up the scenery in quite a small amount of time, which is always important for flash fiction. I saw the pun coming, but it still worked. Based on your real life at all? If that's not too personal of a question. xD

hvysmker
November 22nd, 2014, 05:28 PM
Na! My first was in a local cathouse.

Charlie

Clinking Thearly
November 22nd, 2014, 11:47 PM
Can't wait to hear your local cathouse story 8-)

In all seriousness, though, I enjoyed that piece. The dialogue kept me interested and you painted a vivid picture in my mind.

hvysmker
November 23rd, 2014, 12:22 AM
Soon, (http://www.writingforums.com/members/57547-Clinking-Thearly)Clinking Thearly. My two felines, Snowball the black one and S'recko are working on one right now.

Charlie

helium
November 23rd, 2014, 02:40 AM
Yeah. Liked the dialogue, except for "Tommmy" part. Couldn't really understand his personality. The prose felt a little empty, made the pacing too quick to follow, especially at the end when the friend left. That long passing of time wasn't getting across.

hvysmker
November 23rd, 2014, 10:47 PM
Thanks for commenting, helium. Sorry about the lack of development of these characters, but that's kind'a hard to do in flash or short fiction. Just not enough space, especially if the length is predefined and short. In the flash variety, every word has to count. Short fiction with a length limit often doesn't have space, though longer explanations are tolerated.

I think Tommy emulates many of us when it comes to our first sexual experience. My first was when about sixteen. It was a girl who worked with my sister. I thought I was particularly lucky, until I found she was a nympho, laying damned near every man she met. Not that I really minded, though, he-he.

Charlie