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thepancreas11
November 14th, 2014, 12:55 PM
Here's a little sketch I wrote! Hope you enjoy it.


MAYOR:

(steps to podium, fixes mic; pump-up music plays)
Good evening, Tucson!
(Holds up in fist in power salute)
Are you ready to meet your savior?
(crowd applause)
Alright, alright, alright! Let’s welcome tonight’s contender. He’s twenty-three, a lifetime resident of rural Tucson, and can light himself on fire…with the help of an accelerant!
(Makes flame noises)
Please help me welcome…The Hot Tamale!
(man in red t-shirt and athletic shorts runs on stage to the podium on the mayor’s right)
And now…
(the lights dim)
…please help me welcome…
(music gets louder; crowd noises get louder)
…your reigning champion three years running…
(lights start flashing; crowd noises get louder)
He’s thirty-six, a retired accountant, and has an unbeaten record protecting our city with one win, no defeats, and three draws in his three year reign…
(pauses)
The Reverse Psychologist!

RP:
(walks on, dressed in a nice suit with a bow-tie, a pipe, and a pair of glasses at the end of his nose; stops in front of his podium)
Mayor Wilkins, I don’t have superpowers, and I told you to stop inviting me to these events.

MAYOR:
And yet, here you are! Those
(clears his throat)
talents must be working.

RP:
(rolls eyes)
Must be.

MAYOR:
(Picks up notes, leans on podium close to the mic)
Let’s get right to it, shall we? In one minute or less, please tell us why we should worship you as the hero of Tucson, Ari-ZON-aaaaaaa. Hot, we’ll start with you.

HOT:
(keeps nodding)
Well, I’m fast, I’m young, and I can do this!
(pulls out a can of gasoline)

MAYOR:
Whoa, whoa, boy. Let’s not whip it out all at once. Keep a little mystery, hey?

HOT:
Yeah. Yeah, of course. Well, I know the streets of Tucson pretty well, you know, I grew up on these streets, and I know how hot it can get around here, and I can take that heat, you know? I have a secret lair already in my mom’s basement, and I’ll be back from Arizona State this summer, so I’ll have plenty of time to—

MAYOR:
Ooooo! Tough. Time’s up. Reverse? Why should we re-elect you?

RP:
(leans towards the mic)
Please don’t.

MAYOR:
(squints at RP)
Just…can’t…resist….
(slaps podium)
Damn you! Damn your powers of persuasion!
(laughs)
So, next question: damsel is in distress at the top of Tucson’s tallest building, the Bank of America Plaza. There’s a villain holding her up there. How do you get her down? Hot?

HOT:
Well, first I would shut off the building’s air-conditioning, then I would go up into the room where the villain was in the middle of the day, maybe around two o’clock,
(pulls out gas can again)
then I’d sit on the floor, light myself on fire, and oppress them with my heat.
(nods, self-satisfied; crowd silence)

MAYOR:
(leans on podium)
You’d—you’d oppress them with you heat?

HOT:
Yes, sir.

MAYOR:
Assuming you could get the gas can out before they shoot you?

HOT:
Whoa, you didn’t say they had guns.

MAYOR:
Well, I would assume a villain would have guns. I think that’s a fair assumption. I mean, these aren’t your petty criminals. These are you hardened, murderous—
(shakes his head)
Well, that’s neither here nor there. Champ?

RP:
Please don’t call me that.
(Makes no move to answer the question)

MAYOR:
Villains…gun to her head…damsel in distress…what are you thinking RP?

RP:
I’m thinking I don’t have the power to do anything.
(crosses arms)
It’s not like I’m going to get them to hand their guns over. I’m not going to write detailed letters of their exploits to their mothers or anything. What do you want from me?
(crowd noises)

MAYOR:
Low blow, RP, going for the mothers. I like it. Just the hero that Tucson deserves, you know?

RP:
You’re an idiot.

MAYOR:
Thank you!
(RP sighs)
Well, I’ve got a bunch of questions left, but I think we’ve pretty much made our choice, here. Challenger?
(Holds a hand up in HOT’s direction; crickets)
Or Champion?
(Holds RP’s hand up; crowd goes wild)
Champion it is!

HOT:
Wait a minute! He hasn’t done anything! He just said he wouldn’t do anything.

MAYOR:
Hey, look, buddy. He won the fight fair and square. Tucson loves him. Don’t we Tucson?
(crowd noises)

HOT:
Reverse Psychology is not a superpower. I can light myself on fire.

MAYOR:
Yeah, about that. How many times have you actually done it?

HOT:
Once, in my Mom’s kitchen. She said I was in engulfed in a grease fire, and I survived with everything but my arm hair intact.

MAYOR:
So you’ve never actually done it to yourself?

HOT:
I will light myself on fire right now, if you don’t believe me.

RP:
You won’t.
(crowd cheers)

JellyTrigger
June 12th, 2015, 07:25 PM
Here's a little sketch I wrote! Hope you enjoy it.


MAYOR:

(steps to podium, fixes mic; pump-up music plays)
Good evening, Tucson!
(Holds up in fist in power salute)
Are you ready to meet your savior?
(crowd applause)
Alright, alright, alright! Let’s welcome tonight’s contender. He’s twenty-three, a lifetime resident of rural Tucson, and can light himself on fire…with the help of an accelerant!
(Makes flame noises)
Please help me welcome…The Hot Tamale!
(man in red t-shirt and athletic shorts runs on stage to the podium on the mayor’s right)
And now…
(the lights dim)
…please help me welcome…
(music gets louder; crowd noises get louder)
…your reigning champion three years running…
(lights start flashing; crowd noises get louder)
He’s thirty-six, a retired accountant, and has an unbeaten record protecting our city with one win, no defeats, and three draws in his three year reign…
(pauses)
The Reverse Psychologist!

RP:
(walks on, dressed in a nice suit with a bow-tie, a pipe, and a pair of glasses at the end of his nose; stops in front of his podium)
Mayor Wilkins, I don’t have superpowers, and I told you to stop inviting me to these events.

MAYOR:
And yet, here you are! Those
(clears his throat)
talents must be working.

RP:
(rolls eyes)
Must be.

MAYOR:
(Picks up notes, leans on podium close to the mic)
Let’s get right to it, shall we? In one minute or less, please tell us why we should worship you as the hero of Tucson, Ari-ZON-aaaaaaa. Hot, we’ll start with you.

HOT:
(keeps nodding)
Well, I’m fast, I’m young, and I can do this!
(pulls out a can of gasoline)

MAYOR:
Whoa, whoa, boy. Let’s not whip it out all at once. Keep a little mystery, hey?

HOT:
Yeah. Yeah, of course. Well, I know the streets of Tucson pretty well, you know, I grew up on these streets, and I know how hot it can get around here, and I can take that heat, you know? I have a secret lair already in my mom’s basement, and I’ll be back from Arizona State this summer, so I’ll have plenty of time to—

MAYOR:
Ooooo! Tough. Time’s up. Reverse? Why should we re-elect you?

RP:
(leans towards the mic)
Please don’t.

MAYOR:
(squints at RP)
Just…can’t…resist….
(slaps podium)
Damn you! Damn your powers of persuasion!
(laughs)
So, next question: damsel is in distress at the top of Tucson’s tallest building, the Bank of America Plaza. There’s a villain holding her up there. How do you get her down? Hot?

HOT:
Well, first I would shut off the building’s air-conditioning, then I would go up into the room where the villain was in the middle of the day, maybe around two o’clock,
(pulls out gas can again)
then I’d sit on the floor, light myself on fire, and oppress them with my heat.
(nods, self-satisfied; crowd silence)

MAYOR:
(leans on podium)
You’d—you’d oppress them with you heat?

HOT:
Yes, sir.

MAYOR:
Assuming you could get the gas can out before they shoot you?

HOT:
Whoa, you didn’t say they had guns.

MAYOR:
Well, I would assume a villain would have guns. I think that’s a fair assumption. I mean, these aren’t your petty criminals. These are you hardened, murderous—
(shakes his head)
Well, that’s neither here nor there. Champ?

RP:
Please don’t call me that.
(Makes no move to answer the question)

MAYOR:
Villains…gun to her head…damsel in distress…what are you thinking RP?

RP:
I’m thinking I don’t have the power to do anything.
(crosses arms)
It’s not like I’m going to get them to hand their guns over. I’m not going to write detailed letters of their exploits to their mothers or anything. What do you want from me?
(crowd noises)

MAYOR:
Low blow, RP, going for the mothers. I like it. Just the hero that Tucson deserves, you know?

RP:
You’re an idiot.

MAYOR:
Thank you!
(RP sighs)
Well, I’ve got a bunch of questions left, but I think we’ve pretty much made our choice, here. Challenger?
(Holds a hand up in HOT’s direction; crickets)
Or Champion?
(Holds RP’s hand up; crowd goes wild)
Champion it is!

HOT:
Wait a minute! He hasn’t done anything! He just said he wouldn’t do anything.

MAYOR:
Hey, look, buddy. He won the fight fair and square. Tucson loves him. Don’t we Tucson?
(crowd noises)

HOT:
Reverse Psychology is not a superpower. I can light myself on fire.

MAYOR:
Yeah, about that. How many times have you actually done it?

HOT:
Once, in my Mom’s kitchen. She said I was in engulfed in a grease fire, and I survived with everything but my arm hair intact.

MAYOR:
So you’ve never actually done it to yourself?

HOT:
I will light myself on fire right now, if you don’t believe me.

RP:
You won’t.
(crowd cheers)

Dear thepancreas11,

I found your little skit very humorous indeed! I completely related to this story in terms of the reverse physiology. I often feel like I have obtained Reverse Psychology's Powers. I can't tell you how many times I was nominated for club president even though I was totally opposed to it. Once, I wasn't even nominated! I was just made the president of the a club. In my particular area, kids didn't take clubs seriously so I'm usually the one they appoint.

Anyway, I wonder what your inspiration was for this skit. It was very unique to me as I have not heard a story quite like this one.

Looking forward to any future work!

Sincerely,
Christian Rodriguez
The Newbie Writer

Blade
June 12th, 2015, 09:00 PM
A very entertaining piece.:-D My favourite part:


Well, first I would shut off the building’s air-conditioning, then I would go up into the room where the villain was in the middle of the day, maybe around two o’clock,
(pulls out gas can again)
then I’d sit on the floor, light myself on fire, and oppress them with my heat.
(nods, self-satisfied; crowd silence)

Like an old Popeye cartoon.:cheers:

sirmirror
June 27th, 2015, 04:53 PM
Haha, hilarious and psychologically apt!

escorial
June 27th, 2015, 05:05 PM
i can say it made me smile..and i thank you for that..i don't smile often.....read like a short scetch