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View Full Version : Guilty Conscience (~3200 words, Happy Halloween everyone!)



Canjul
October 31st, 2014, 04:12 PM
Story removed

Firemajic
November 4th, 2014, 02:46 PM
Haa Ha--nice story! Well written story line, the little pirate's temptation -- greed...for a child, doing the right thing was a struggle, and in the end he does the right thing--but for the wrong reason...[not because it was wrong to take all the candy--but because he was afraid of "The candle man". I enjoyed reading this. Thanks. Peace...Jul

Greimour
November 4th, 2014, 07:01 PM
Good to see you back and posting Canjul,

Thanks for the read, was quite entertaining.

From a writers point of view, there were a few instances I frowned, like at the end when you used 'And' after a period (full stop). My teachers drilled me on that so much I now hate seeing it, but I enjoyed the read and I am glad you came and shared it with us.


~Kev.

JamesR
November 9th, 2014, 02:00 AM
I really liked this story.

First and foremost, intentional or not, I appreciated the pop-culture reference to the notoriously controversial rap song "Guilty Conscience" by Eminem and Dr. Dre.

As for the story itself, I like how it starts off very innocently and gradually builds up suspense. What starts out as a blissful child trick-or-treating becomes a slowly-developing nightmare that explores concepts such as greed and morality, and the dispositions for the things we do.

The attention to detail was impressive, such as when you list the various candies. And even more impressive was that it did not seem forced or redundant--which is often a mistake that detailed writers can easily make. And the story carried a classic, vintage Halloween feel that brought back nostalgic memories of childhood.

I liked it very much.