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View Full Version : Gesh is Dwarf Drunk (vulgar, violence)



MizzouRam
October 22nd, 2014, 04:06 AM
Wrote this is as internal dialogue exercise and I figured I would let you guys rip into it. Let me know what you think. Or not. Whatever.

The drink has always been a dear friend of mine, but not nearly as much as it was my father. In the caves, right above the main foundry, you could brew beer in reservoirs in the rock. We called it ďdirt aleĒ and it has strong enough to grow hair on your balls a half inch per drink. One time, when my father was away mining on the other side of the mountain, I found his reserves. I drank throw the whole barrel in 2 nights. I donít remember much about the event, only that I my small cloths were always wet because I was too in my cups to change. Gave me a devil of rash.

But that was nothing compared to the beating me father put on me what we found his casks were filled with salt water. He didnít even bother to ask me whether I drank it, he just beat me. He had put a few really good beatings on me in my youth, but that was the first time I actually thought he was going to kill me. Not the last time, but the first. That was until one night I fought back, and when I did, I knew I had to leave the Mountain. Because, even though I hadnít got the best of him that night, I knew I would eventually and when that day came, I knew I was going to kill him.
Itís a funny thing because even though I thought he was going to kill me, he never did. And the only reason I can think of why is a fatherís love. I know I lift because I loved him, and didn't want to be the one to give him the death he had been asking for since me ma died. My family had a strange way of showing affection.
But those are dwarf's for you.

popsprocket
October 22nd, 2014, 05:36 AM
The drink has always been a dear friend of mine, but not nearly as much as it for was my father. In the caves, right above the main foundry, you could brew beer in reservoirs in the rock. We called it “dirt ale” and it was strong enough to grow the hair on your balls a half inch per drink. One time, when my father was away mining on the other side of the mountain, I found his reserves. I drank through the whole barrel in two nights. I don’t remember much about the event, only that I my small clothes were always wet because I was too in-my-cups to change. Gave me a devil of rash.

But that was nothing compared to the beating me father put on me when he found his casks were filled with salt water. He didn’t even bother to ask me whether I drank it, he just beat me. He had put a few really good beatings on me in my youth, but that was the first time I actually thought he was going to kill me. Not the last time, but the first. That was until one night I fought back, and when I did, I knew I had to leave the Mountain. Because, even though I hadn’t got the best of him that night, I knew I would eventually, and when that day came, I knew I was going to kill him.
It’s a funny thing because even though I thought he was going to kill me, he never did. And the only reason I can think of why is a father’s love. I know I left because I loved him, and didn't want to be the one to give him the death he had been asking for since me ma' died. My family had a strange way of showing affection.

But those are dwarf's for you.

A few small corrections in orange.

I think it's a cute piece, but it's lacking in personality. For such a short little bit I'd love to see the whole thing in some kind of rough-tough dwarf dialect to inject a bit of life in there. As it stands it's kind of like a boring dwarf historian writing his personal memoirs when I feel like it should be so much more.

MizzouRam
October 26th, 2014, 02:22 AM
Thanks for the review. This was just something I put together quickly, again as apart of an exercise. I agree, something is not clicking with the character here.

MizzouRam
December 16th, 2014, 05:25 PM
Okay, pops, made some alterations based on your suggestions. I think it works better. Let me know what you think.

The drink has always been a dear, dear friend of mine, but not nearly as much as it was to me pa. Back in the caves of the Golden Mountain, when I was a lad, me pa would brew beer in reservoirs in the rock just above one of the foundries. Nasty stuff, we called it “dirt ale”, and it was strong enough to grow the hair on your stones a half inch per swig. One time, when me pa was away mining on the other side o’ the mountain, I found his reserves. I drank through the whole barrel in two nights, got so bloody drunk I couldn’t recall much of it, only that me small clothes were soaked in me own piss when I came too. I remember the rash I got, though, was sumthin’ bloody legendary.

But it was nothin’ compared to the beating me father put on me when he found his casks were filled with salt water and brine. The fuckin’ prick didn’t even bother to accuse me of drinkin’ it, he just beat me. Now he had put a few really good poundings on me in me youth, but that was the first time I actually thought he was going to kill me. Not the last time, but the first.
They continued until the night I fought back. Afterward, I knew I had to leave the Mountain. Even though I didn’t get the best of him that night, I knew I would eventually, and when that day came, I knew I was going to kill him.


It’s a funny thing because even though I was sure he was going to kill me one of these days, he never did. Through it all he still took me hunting when the season were right, still made sure we had equal portions at the supper, still did all he could to prepare me for service in the guard. I suppose somewhere behind all the violence was still is a daddy’s love. At least that is the only thing I can think to call it. I know I left because I loved him, and didn't want to be the one to give him the death he had been asking for since me ma' died.
Me family had a strange way of showing affection, I suppose.

Elvenswordsman
December 16th, 2014, 05:59 PM
I love lit regarding dwarves, thanks for sharing!

Gold Bearer
April 21st, 2017, 08:32 PM
'I remember the rash I got, though, was sumthin’ bloody legendary.' Why the first comma?

Not really sure if I like this character yet. He seems a bit too much of a typical dwarf with nothing really interesting about him, yet.