Jeff C
October 14th, 2014, 04:41 AM
Had an idea for a new story and possibly might make this my first attempt at a novel. The general concept is there's a teenage boy who's about to graduate high school. He's 18 and has been in the drug game since his freshman year. He pretty much controls the drug traffic in his city and continues to want more power and control, quite ambitious for such a young guy. He has it all, what could possibly go wrong? Just one more year until he can branch out, leave his parent's house and move out on his own. But how will the rest of the world see this new comer? He stands with no equal in his rural city, but there's always a bigger fish.
I really need opinions on the dialogue and of course the story idea as well. And if I'm doing anything weird with my tenses? The first two lines would be a prologue of sorts. Do you need to put quotations around internal dialogue?
The truth?...I don’t know why we did it.
Maybe it was an inner desire to be recognized, to not die a loser...I never thought it would get this out of control. I never thought it’d end like this...
“Wake up!”
“I’m awake you ass, stop poking me.”
I rubbed my eyes trying to regain some sense of what was happening.
“Don’t speak to me like that. You need to be paying attention to this, we all need to be taking notes; this could really help us all out.”
It was our high school’s annual Drug Awareness Week. I’ve sat through this shit 3 times...3 years...I’m a senior, come on...How many times do they really need to keep on repeating the same statistics? Over and over and over...really? You think if we wanted to change, we would, ya know? But no, let’s bring in police officers to speak about how we’re going to get arrested and how us “pretty boys” aren’t going to like jail. Give me a break.
All this week really does is give me some better insight on how to get around these so called “officers of the law”. I have a quarter of the police force on payroll and they still want to come into my school and act as though they’re trying to protect us and win the war on drugs...Well then.
“You can sit back down. I’m taking some notes.”
Mr. Geleskie stood sternly looking over me. He hated the way I talked to him.
He glanced back at the officer at the front of the room.
“Sorry for the interruption Officer Brady, continue.”
“No problem at all. Now as I was saying. Criminals have come up with some very ingenious ways to conceal drugs.”
I couldn’t help but think to myself, no shit Sherlock.
“They create secret compartments in their vehicles. I’ve even seen marijuana stuffed inside acoustic guitars...”
I zoned out at this point. What was I saying about hearing this same lecture 3 years in a row? Pointless.
The first time I ever sat through the lecture, I scribbled away, taking notes; really just writing down what the officer said verbatim. I wanted to know anything that would help to stay one step ahead of the police. Even after hearing that first lecture I couldn’t help but think, what idiot would be stupid enough to have drugs on him at any point. There’s a reason these criminals end up in prison...They’re stupid. Then you look at the Cartel and other places around the world. Their leaders aren’t just drug lords; they’re politicians, mercenaries, they have the influence and power to manipulate the playing field to better fit their needs. That’s what I wanted.
I really need opinions on the dialogue and of course the story idea as well. And if I'm doing anything weird with my tenses? The first two lines would be a prologue of sorts. Do you need to put quotations around internal dialogue?
The truth?...I don’t know why we did it.
Maybe it was an inner desire to be recognized, to not die a loser...I never thought it would get this out of control. I never thought it’d end like this...
“Wake up!”
“I’m awake you ass, stop poking me.”
I rubbed my eyes trying to regain some sense of what was happening.
“Don’t speak to me like that. You need to be paying attention to this, we all need to be taking notes; this could really help us all out.”
It was our high school’s annual Drug Awareness Week. I’ve sat through this shit 3 times...3 years...I’m a senior, come on...How many times do they really need to keep on repeating the same statistics? Over and over and over...really? You think if we wanted to change, we would, ya know? But no, let’s bring in police officers to speak about how we’re going to get arrested and how us “pretty boys” aren’t going to like jail. Give me a break.
All this week really does is give me some better insight on how to get around these so called “officers of the law”. I have a quarter of the police force on payroll and they still want to come into my school and act as though they’re trying to protect us and win the war on drugs...Well then.
“You can sit back down. I’m taking some notes.”
Mr. Geleskie stood sternly looking over me. He hated the way I talked to him.
He glanced back at the officer at the front of the room.
“Sorry for the interruption Officer Brady, continue.”
“No problem at all. Now as I was saying. Criminals have come up with some very ingenious ways to conceal drugs.”
I couldn’t help but think to myself, no shit Sherlock.
“They create secret compartments in their vehicles. I’ve even seen marijuana stuffed inside acoustic guitars...”
I zoned out at this point. What was I saying about hearing this same lecture 3 years in a row? Pointless.
The first time I ever sat through the lecture, I scribbled away, taking notes; really just writing down what the officer said verbatim. I wanted to know anything that would help to stay one step ahead of the police. Even after hearing that first lecture I couldn’t help but think, what idiot would be stupid enough to have drugs on him at any point. There’s a reason these criminals end up in prison...They’re stupid. Then you look at the Cartel and other places around the world. Their leaders aren’t just drug lords; they’re politicians, mercenaries, they have the influence and power to manipulate the playing field to better fit their needs. That’s what I wanted.