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View Full Version : Pipsqueak & Poet: Chopstick Trap (mature, mild language, 271 words)



Nippon Devil
October 11th, 2014, 01:09 AM
Before Pipsqueak was a photograph framed in gold. The photo was tagged with several medals, such as “Best of show 2012”, “Art Exhibition Winner 2012”, and “Best Self Portrait 2012”. It was a monochromatic picture of a woman's bare torso. Everything above her shoulders and below her belly button had been cropped out. The only particularly noteworthy detail was that her nipples were trapped between rubber banded chopsticks.

Off to her side stood Poet, who looked at the picture completely enamored. After some length of time, Poet looked away from the piece and pressed the back of his hand against his temple.



“You like it?” The little girl said to her older companion.


“You don't?!” His voice was practically shrieking. “Why, Look at what the photographer is trying to tell us! She is showing us how she is objectified because of her body! There is a weight placed on woman by a society that demands perfection. Her breasts... They are all she thinks about! They are what she is judged by! Her pain is made visible in this photograph! The photographer is also trying to show us that she is a thing that is devoured!”



He started to tear up.


“How wonderfully poetic. This woman is living in a world where the eyes that observe her wish to consume her as well...”


Poet dried his tears on his own shirt collar.


“What do you see, Pipsqueak?”


The little girl shrugged.



“...I think she's just an attention whore.”


Pipsqueak left her awe stricken friend on the spot.

Plasticweld
October 11th, 2014, 01:13 AM
First you're going to get a laugh out of the PM I just sent you...two seconds ago :}

Love your insight and take on things in life, truly this is a brilliant piece... Love the sarcasm and wit

TIG
October 27th, 2014, 06:01 PM
For me, the last line should go. It's not needed and slightly saps the impact of the final observation.

The mention of medals, "such as" kind of implies that the following are examples of what the medals might have been, rather than an explanation of what they were. A little snip might strengthen the sentence. Also there's a bit of an exclamation mark overload (including one after a question mark) in one paragraph.

Otherwise, it's a simple idea cleanly executed.

ChrisChandler00
November 5th, 2014, 12:14 PM
For me, the last line should go. It's not needed and slightly saps the impact of the final observation.

The mention of medals, "such as" kind of implies that the following are examples of what the medals might have been, rather than an explanation of what they were. A little snip might strengthen the sentence. Also there's a bit of an exclamation mark overload (including one after a question mark) in one paragraph.

Otherwise, it's a simple idea cleanly executed.

Agreed. Definitely no need for the last line here, but a really good job.