Vendetta5885
September 25th, 2014, 08:32 PM
A little piece that I have been working on....
One thing I have been struggling with (among other things) is conversational flow without being too repetitive in the writing. I think this is my best example of my progress so far.
Any advice would be helpful!
Elijah stood on the pier and overlooked the Acushnet River just as he had every night for the past two weeks. The ringing of a ship’s bell off in the distance grabbed his attention as he scanned the river hoping to find a sign of the Escanaba, the ship his brother is on.
“Any sign of him yet, Elijah?” Asked Leland.
“No. His letter said that he would be here by Christmas, but that was two months ago. He could be anywhere.” He responded.
“He’ll be fine, there is still time before Christmas and he’s on one of the best ships in New Bedford.” Leland reassured him.
“Yeah, I know. Unfortunately, the ocean doesn’t know that or care for that matter.” He replied. “So what are you doing away from your tavern at this time of the night Leland?”
“Samuel is tending bar this evening. I am meeting a client who is scheduled to be arriving shortly.” He said with an air of self importance.
Elijah scanned the river again.“What sort of dealings will this character have you doing? I doubt anything more absurd than your last one.” Elijah said with a smirk. “Who was that last client, or barbarian rather, that had you transporting boars heads to his flat by the dozen?”
“If I spoke ill of my clients, it would not be good for business.” He said with a wink and a grin. “But yes, this Mr. Dorin Alexandr is certainly unique. He’s traveling from the other side of the world, queer way of life over there.”
“The perfect fit for a city like this one. The more ships and sailors that come, the stranger and stranger this beautiful city gets.” Elijah said.
“Well, that certainly is a pessimistic view, my friend. Embrace the strange, like I have… It’s a business opportunity! Also these people aren’t nearly as outlandish as you think.” He lowered his voice and leaned in closer as if he was sharing a deep secret. “I am fairly busy with the tavern and all, so how about we reach an agreement? Once Mr. Alexandr settles into his new home, I put you on for a quick and easy job here and there. Give yourself a chance to see not all these people are as strange as they appear on the surface.”
“Well, only if its quick and easy… And as long as I don’t have to transport pig heads or anything of the sort I would welcome the opportunity.” Elijah said. “It is possible that I may be prejudiced afterall and extra money never brought anyone harm.”
“Thats the spirit, my friend! I will get in touch with you when Mr. Alexandr is all settled. Speak of the devil, I believe that may be him!” Leland said as he began moving with a sense of urgency. “Have a wonderful night!” He shouted over his shoulder.
The wind picked up and the snow began to fall. Elijah turned his back to the river and walked up Union Street towards his home.
One thing I have been struggling with (among other things) is conversational flow without being too repetitive in the writing. I think this is my best example of my progress so far.
Any advice would be helpful!
Elijah stood on the pier and overlooked the Acushnet River just as he had every night for the past two weeks. The ringing of a ship’s bell off in the distance grabbed his attention as he scanned the river hoping to find a sign of the Escanaba, the ship his brother is on.
“Any sign of him yet, Elijah?” Asked Leland.
“No. His letter said that he would be here by Christmas, but that was two months ago. He could be anywhere.” He responded.
“He’ll be fine, there is still time before Christmas and he’s on one of the best ships in New Bedford.” Leland reassured him.
“Yeah, I know. Unfortunately, the ocean doesn’t know that or care for that matter.” He replied. “So what are you doing away from your tavern at this time of the night Leland?”
“Samuel is tending bar this evening. I am meeting a client who is scheduled to be arriving shortly.” He said with an air of self importance.
Elijah scanned the river again.“What sort of dealings will this character have you doing? I doubt anything more absurd than your last one.” Elijah said with a smirk. “Who was that last client, or barbarian rather, that had you transporting boars heads to his flat by the dozen?”
“If I spoke ill of my clients, it would not be good for business.” He said with a wink and a grin. “But yes, this Mr. Dorin Alexandr is certainly unique. He’s traveling from the other side of the world, queer way of life over there.”
“The perfect fit for a city like this one. The more ships and sailors that come, the stranger and stranger this beautiful city gets.” Elijah said.
“Well, that certainly is a pessimistic view, my friend. Embrace the strange, like I have… It’s a business opportunity! Also these people aren’t nearly as outlandish as you think.” He lowered his voice and leaned in closer as if he was sharing a deep secret. “I am fairly busy with the tavern and all, so how about we reach an agreement? Once Mr. Alexandr settles into his new home, I put you on for a quick and easy job here and there. Give yourself a chance to see not all these people are as strange as they appear on the surface.”
“Well, only if its quick and easy… And as long as I don’t have to transport pig heads or anything of the sort I would welcome the opportunity.” Elijah said. “It is possible that I may be prejudiced afterall and extra money never brought anyone harm.”
“Thats the spirit, my friend! I will get in touch with you when Mr. Alexandr is all settled. Speak of the devil, I believe that may be him!” Leland said as he began moving with a sense of urgency. “Have a wonderful night!” He shouted over his shoulder.
The wind picked up and the snow began to fall. Elijah turned his back to the river and walked up Union Street towards his home.