PDA

View Full Version : Hot dog in heat. 219 words. Warning- adult



Kevin
September 17th, 2014, 05:01 PM
It’s too hot. We got all the fans running and I can’t stand it.

I’ll spray some water on the roof in a little while.

We need something. Look at her—the dog’s panting all over the couch.

I don’t know what you want me to do.

Throw her outside.

You think it’s safe?

Put her in the backyard.

‘Oh-kayyy’

* * *

Where is she?

You told me to put her in the backyard.

Yipe!

What was that?

Sounded like it came from out front.

* * *

Where is she?!

I don’t—oh, there she is.

Oh my gawd—get away from her!

Uh… it looks like they’re stuck. Oop! He’s running away.

Pop!

Oh gawd. Not that one. What’s wrong with him? He was missing fur.

Mange probably. I think he looks like a Dr. Seuss character. Run, boy, run!

That’s that ugly dog from up the street. What’s wrong with her? Why is she acting like this? Ew, get away from me.

I think she’s happy. Doesn’t she look happy? Did you see that? He was dragging her backwards for a second there.

Ew, I can’t even look at her. Get her away—achh! Don’t touch me!

What’s wrong?

He’s so ugly—that dog is so ugly.

She seems fine. Someone get her a cigarette.

Plasticweld
September 27th, 2014, 12:48 AM
Nicely done Kevin, sad to say but I can really picture this...Bob

Candy
September 27th, 2014, 12:40 PM
Nicely done Kevin, sad to say but I can really picture this...Bob


Can't picture or make something out of this, though it looks interesting from my perspective.

thepancreas11
September 27th, 2014, 01:23 PM
I got the joke the second time. I enjoyed it when I got it. I just wish it had been slightly clearer from the very beginning. When you say things like "Uh… it looks like they’re stuck. Oop! He’s running away," I have no idea what's going on. I'm not sure who the he is or what they're doing. You might want to just clarify the line before that it's the ugly dog from down the street. A few more words, and all this would be hilarious.

Kevin
September 28th, 2014, 12:10 AM
Thanks Plastic , love to share a story. I did leave out that it was our room mate that had the cigarette line. My wife was appalled which had me rolling.

Candy... there's something about two dogs being stuck. You'll have to look it up.

Panc., Thank you. I'll see what I can do. Perhaps after twenty-odd years the image is still too clear for me. Have to get around that.

Candy
September 28th, 2014, 07:02 AM
Got it. Thanks. I was quite in dizzy and distracted last night that I couldn't think straight.

Clepto
October 10th, 2014, 12:01 AM
This was pretty good. The only thing I can say is maybe use italics or maybe bold to delineate the change in speaker. Other than that I enjoyed it quite nicely.

EBKMSC
December 18th, 2014, 01:07 PM
didnt think i was going to be reading about that tonight...but it was an interesting way of telling the story

escorial
December 18th, 2014, 09:30 PM
is this were the term dogging comes from...made me smile

Burroughs
January 6th, 2015, 06:37 PM
I really enjoyed this. I'm glad you didn't make what was happening too obvious, it certainly didn't need to be.

Kevin
January 7th, 2015, 12:11 AM
Thanks Burroughs, thanks for the read. I think it was short enough to be not too confusing. Any longer and I would definitely use Clepto's suggestion of italics or add more description to show who says what.

aureliochavez
January 9th, 2015, 10:07 PM
Comical, yet tastefully vulgar (if that's possible) and cleverly written in my opinion