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Crying
September 17th, 2014, 12:51 AM
So I'm thinking of writing a novel including the Bodhisattva Kuanyin (Guanyin) as a recurring character. I wrote this in class as a possible opening to said novel, and I wanted to know what you all thought? Thanks :)

Of course, the bodhisattvas had walked the Earth since before the fall had occurred. They watched the world stir and settle, watched the humans become less and less devoted, less and less pure. And of course they guarded the faithful, guiding them as much as possible though the world was dark, though the nights grew cold and the days grew hot. Some found their way to monasteries, to abbies, to churches or temples, and helped to raise the faithful to enlightenment, however hard it had become. Others took to the streets and preached to the poor, to the hungry, speaking softly and lifting those who would listen from their gaunt-faced reveries for as long as they were able. And then, then there were those who went quiet.
Kuanyin, the bodhisattva great and compassionate, never became less powerful as the years advanced. No matter what came to her, her heart could only expand. Could only glow with all the compassion she had inside of her, the very compassion that bound her to the earth itself. Many times she walked the streets, damping her halo as she could, smiling the secretive smile of one who is undeniably good. And she forgave people as she walked, for it was all she could do in such a world. She forgave those babbling drunks, looking through their bloodshot eyes and thinking through their hazy minds and forgiving them to their very cores for all they had fallen from, all they had let slip through their fingers. She forgave those hard-eyed businessmen, feeling the ache where their humanity had slipped from their souls, eroded by the churning sea of information, of competition. She forgave those women with bruises on their cheeks, with tired eyes, empty eyes, filled with sadness and shame and irreplaceable love, she held their hearts in her long fingers and healed and nursed them as she was able. She forgave any and all who sought her, who sought anything, and the world became no lighter and still trees fell and power grew and there was worry and toil. And yet those forgiven, those touched by her great aura saw everything all at once, as if the world were new, and Kuanyin saw this as she walked and she thought of the good there was.

K. Altan
September 17th, 2014, 04:47 AM
Great start! I was confused as to what a bodhisattva was so I had to look that up. I don't think a lot of people actually know what that is, so you might want to explain that and set the scene a little more for the reader. If a reader is clueless, he/she tends to lose interest. Otherwise, great use of description. The character is conveyed well. This is really well-written. :)

Jamboree
September 18th, 2014, 09:54 PM
I agree with the above post, I had no idea what/who Bodhisattva Kuanyin was and so I was confused to begin with. Upon reading it for a second time though I understood it much better. Perhaps a page before the start of the book explaining what a Bodhisattva is otherwise you are going to have a lot of confused readers who will be turned off of the book as a result.
With regards to the rest of the book, this intro posted here has no direction to begin with. We learn alot of useful and important background information but the stroy hasn't started yet. We also have heard of 'the fall' but we know nothing else of it. Could you intertwine these two so that we gain an understanding of the fall (assuming that it is key to the story) plus the background on Bodhisattva Kuanyin to perhaps give some direction to the story.
I liked the start though and it is nothing like I have ever read before so I would be interested to where you take this and how the rest of it plans out.

MizzouRam
September 19th, 2014, 02:36 AM
I agree with the other posters. There is no story here, just broad generalizations of the setting in a story. Don't tell us about these things, show them to us.