View Full Version : Creepers

September 8th, 2014, 01:11 PM
I don’t know what I am, but I know that we are the same. We can sniff each other out. Now I know that you know that we are aware of what we are. We are different from the others. I don’t know why, and neither do you, none of us do. We are a rare breed, my friend. The world doesn't even know we exist, it’s our little secret.

Sometimes, I think we have an ancestry that dates back far into prehistory. Something beyond human. Early on in our evolution, a poisonous, or should I say,demonic element infected the gene pool. A virus infecting a foetus in the womb, fusing with it, creating a new breed. Other times, I think we nothing more than an anomaly. A set of simultaneous, spontaneous mutations. That’s what made us what we are. Or perhaps we are the barely conscious drones, vessels, minions of a higher being, waiting to be summoned and put to action.

We are so few in number. Sometimes, I see one of us on the bus. We exchange glances, speaking in a language nobody else can hear, but never, ever interacting. People see us as human, that is, if they even notice us at all. Some of us work jobs, others live in the streets. Some of us have homes, and others don’t even have birth certificates.

At night, we wander the streets, skulking through the darkest places, searching but never finding. Sometimes, we hear the call, and from all the darkest corners of the night, we creep and crawl to the spot to which we are all drawn. Pheromones, secreting from the ground, like an ethereal fountain of energy to which we are all drawn. Separate, individual, but as one unit, we can form a collective consciousness, and for one night, we can believe that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. But it all falls away.

Who whispers to us? To creep and meet in these vile, hidden places. An abandoned mortuary, the floor still wet with embalming fluids, and the secretions of a long-dead human. X-rays of dead babies stuffed into a rusting filing cabinet. Who called us here? How did we all know to come here tonight? That is our curse, we live unnoticed, slipping through the net, our inner network remains invisible. But worse, we don’t know what we are, what is our purpose? Why do we hide?

At these congregations, nothing changes. Our horde shuffles about in the dark, mumbling incoherently, barely taking notice of the others. Heavy arms, hung heads, shuffling feet. These meetings have no beginning, no end, no purpose.

Something has to be done. As a horde we can be strong. Our rhizome consciousness brings us together, but where is our leader? Our deity leaves us, confused, desperate, alone.
It ends tonight, my friend. We shall have purpose. We are as a unit, we are one mind, we have escaped detection for so long. So this is my call, to all of you who will hear it;

Join me.
Join us.
Join the revolution.

(c) JC Axe 2014

September 9th, 2014, 03:05 AM
Nice read - a bit vague in the beginning, it seems to need some imagery to latch onto right away. For me a bit too didactic or 'talky' in the second paragraph, but the piece picked up as it went on, and by the middle it became tangible and unnerving - all the creepy and grotesque images helped. Well written overall.

September 10th, 2014, 09:43 PM
Thank you for the review Todd,

JC Axe

K. Altan
September 15th, 2014, 12:16 AM
Very intriguing. The beginning is a bit rough, but it smoothes out in the end. "Now I know that you know that we are aware of what we are." I think this sentence has too many thats and knows. I'm not exactly sure how to fix it, but it probably needs some fixing. Just read it over I think there might be a misspelled word somewhere in the beginning (I couldn't find it when I went back to look, so maybe not), but in all, I enjoyed it.

September 15th, 2014, 12:51 AM
The sentence K. Altan pointed out took a couple of time to really get what I was reading but the overall work was interesting. I like that you kept the "creepers" vague enough to keep us wondering what they really are and what they are doing. You did a good job with the pacing and feeding the information to us gradually throughout.

September 15th, 2014, 10:15 PM
Mysterious but exciting. It improved for me greatly as it went on with the beginning feeling a little vague and too ambiguous. I felt that it wandered too much at the start before it started to gain a sense of direction later on.
"Now I know that you know that we are aware of what we are."
This sentence also troubled me when I first read it and also seems to contradict a sentence later in the passage.
"But worse we don't know what we are"
This confused me. Is the narrator aware that they are different but doesn't know what they are? Perhaps this needs a small change in words to clarify what the narrator knows about him and the others.
This idea has potential though and I'd like to see more.