View Full Version : The Power of the Mind: a Short Story

Jorm Arcturus
July 16th, 2014, 02:25 AM
An Experimentation(on more levels than one). Enjoy. -Jorm

The inner waves swelled again, and this time I went as far as massaging my temple to rid myself of the ache. The city swirled and blurred in my vision, but I stoically shrugged it away. There are many people on the planet that would give nearly anything to have the powers that I have at my disposal. I gave nearly everything, it‘s true. Such a waste.
I felt rather than saw the bus that would crush that man, and casually pulled him to the side as it rushed by, the driver laying on the horn as it did. In the same vein, I caught the woman that would have fallen into the street, due to the rush of teenagers that surged past. She thanked me, but I nearly responded to her next thought before she spoke it.
Stopping myself, I muttered “You’re welcome” as I hurried away. If I allowed myself, I could lose all my time in doing exactly this; preventing the preordained from coming to pass.
The powers of the mind, once unlocked, would tell us everything we need to know, they had said when they tested EXphision, their experimental drug, on me. What a foolish statement that was, and how wrong. At the time, I was all in for it. A willing and nearly fanatical volunteer. But I have no answers, none that the next man doesn’t have. Actually, I would think I have more questions, but that is probably my hubris talking. it’s a failing of higher beings such as myself.
I pick pocketed a gunman on his way to rob a store, taking his weapon without his even noticing. It was a simple thing to do, and it was on the way to my destination. He would discover the missing gun and, feeling defeated, return home to his family, dead end job, barking tax collectors, and swamping debt. But at least he wouldn’t be a murderer.
As I walked, I wondered if it was fair to want to remove these powers. Fair to the rest of the world. Fair to the people that would die or be hurt because I no longer have them. But whenever the thought arises, I push it aside. I have paid my dues. I have paid more than most.
I turn the corner, quickly buying a dvd from the stand on the corner so the owner wouldn’t commit suicide tonight, giving the movie to a man looking for something to get his wife, and perhaps salvage their marriage.
I sighed. Things would be so much easier without these abilities. But I’m not sure if it would be better.

July 17th, 2014, 10:03 PM
I really like the idea. I think you would do well to develop it into a longer work. There is a lot of potential for subplots arising from the central question. This short piece already reads kind of like an exposition.

July 18th, 2014, 08:23 AM

I think that if you expanded on this it could be a very interesting story. I like the way the story is set up! The only thing I could really point out at this moment is to add more spacing, it feels like its one big brick wall and feels almost difficult to read because there are no breaks.

Actually, one question that occurred to me when I read this, is did this drug only augment his mental state allowing him to be "all knowing" or did this also enhance his physical abilities?

I pick pocketed a gunman on his way to rob a store, taking his weapon without his even noticing.

I was wondering if the drugs affected his physical abilities because of this, I don't feel confident that I could pickpocket a man without him noticing, maybe the protagonist is just a thief? I mean I don't know. Haha.

In conclusion it was very nice and I would enjoy being able to read an expanded version of this.

July 18th, 2014, 02:09 PM
I like the idea a lot. It definitely makes me want more, but since it's a piece of flash fiction I'd say it definitely gets the job done. Nice work!

Jorm Arcturus
August 13th, 2014, 10:23 PM
Thanks very much for the comments, guys :) I really appreciate them. To answer your question Amo (love the name, by the way :P) I figure confidence would be basically removed from the equation if you already know whats gonna happen, but as for EXphision enhancing physical abilities, I would think it's more along the lines of a complete knowledge of your body that would allow for such a feat, not necessarily enhanced physical prowess. hope that helps somewhat :)

August 14th, 2014, 12:53 AM
As everyone else said, good idea! Quick observation though. During the narration we are put in the MC's head and given his introspection on his situation, abilities, and future etc. Not sure if you're planning on making this into something a bit longer, like a novella, or perhaps an actual novel. I would experiment a bit with...him dealing with problems he can't immediately solve and where his powers aren't as useful in the long term. Maybe introduce "subject B" who has been tasked to hunt your MC down without his realizing that. Just trying to offer food for thought, no idea if your idea is fully developed or in progress.

August 14th, 2014, 04:22 PM
As a hardcore fan of all things fiction, particularly science fiction, I am very intrigued by the concept. I will also say this, the way it was written jumping from one thought to the next, not sure if you did this on purpose but it works well because it can be a little overwhelming, which I'm sure would be the case if you were able to listen in on the thoughts of someone with such a vast intellect. You would just have to find a balance where it showcases how fast his thought process is without it being too confusing and overwhelming or choppy in delivery. Just some food for thought when you expand on his persona, if you haven't already. Otherwise it was a fun and interesting read.