View Full Version : The Lottery 1030 words

July 10th, 2014, 01:54 AM
The lottery
“All you need is a dollar and a dream” so goes the slogan for the New York State lottery. Many dream of what they would do if they won. The real problems start when you have won and find out that everyone wants a piece of you, or more correctly a piece of your winnings.

I will not bore you with the details, the scams, the pleas for help, the sob stories. I will not go into the details about friends and family; it breaks my heart even to think about it. This story is about the good that comes from winning the lottery not the bad.

It has been years since I have won. I got the sports car I always wanted, a bigger house, a vacation home. I have never had elaborate tastes and once these were met, I had to figure out what to do with my time.

I always wanted to be a writer. Early issues of Playboy filled with great short stories by the masters of the written word. These gems spiked my interest in writing as a teenager. Back in the late 60s and 70s the greatest writers and their stories graced the pages. Tucked between the centerfold and the photo shoot of America's next sweet heart, laid pure gold, the short story.

I do love the internet, it is easy to be anonymous. I joined writingforum.com
In my first post titled “One of the few places liars are tolerated” I came right out and told everyone I was lying. You can go back and read it for yourself and the replies. I out lined in some detail the art of blurring the lines between the truth and a lie when told in a story. The author is praised for his work, the perjurer goes to jail.

I wanted new friends, friends that did not like me for my money but for who I was. This forum provided such a place. I posted some stories, they were poorly written. Having money did not make mine any better than any other rank novice. I love to tell stories, love to write. Hate to edit, can’t edit. What I did find where people who were willing to help. They didn’t do it for the money, they did it for pure reasons. I was so jaded by mankind that I had forgotten what it was like to have someone help me for just the sake helping. A_Jones was the first to help me with some of my work, she went over a story I was trying to write, I could not come even close to making it readable. She went over each line and made suggestions, each mistake was highlighted in red. There was not much that passed her muster. I made a vow to work on my basic skills, to learn how to write.

I had continued to post in the forums, read others work. I was inspired by the talent that was here. I am not sure of the thread, the talk was of Communism verses Capitalism. A young writer named stormageddon (http://www.writingforums.com/members/55355-stormageddon?) had posted something that was counter to what I believed. I posted a position to support my opinion and life experience; I did not give it much of a thought. A few day later she sent me a PM, apologizing and said that she hoped she had not insulted me and that if she did she was sorry. I was impressed with her fine manners. She knew me only by my words and nothing else. I read all of the threads she started and lot of her posts. She was a talented young writer who seemed to grasp the technical side of writing. I sent her note asking for help. She pulled from some of my past LMs to show me where I could improve my writing and encouraged me to keep telling stories.

I continued to write and do research. I came across a very well-tailored answer to a complex question. I do not remember the thread or even where it was located. I can tell you how impressed I was with the writer’s ability to break down and explain the problem and the answer. I went to his profile and did some reading, looking at his posts and his responses. I was impressed with his detail in anything he responded to. I sent Greimour (http://www.writingforums.com/members/53110-Greimour?) a PM and asked him for help teaching me how to write better. I sent him to a short story I had posted. What came back was a very detailed review of my work, plus the corrections and how it could be fixed. He is an excellent teacher and I could not believe the hours he spent reviewing my work and teaching me the finer details of writing. He never tired nor gave me an easy or short answer; to say that his work is highly detailed is an understatement.

I love to write, hate to edit. I have decided to spend my millions writing rough drafts. And having these three writers correct my work so that it looks like I can write. They will realize their dreams of being well paid professionals and I will be able to crank out my stories. I may never be published. My writing may never see the light of day except here on the forum. I want each of them to be rewarded for the selfless desire to help someone they did not know. There is no perfect world, no perfect place but you can come real close to it here on the writingforums.com

This is of course posted in the fiction section. I told you up front I was a story teller and a liar. I did not win the New York State Lottery but I did win something that mattered, the help and support of three new friends. I can think of no better way to say thank you for all the help I have been given, than to just write a story about you.

This is not edited, it was written for fun and this is not a competition.

July 10th, 2014, 09:04 PM
Well for a non-edited and just for fun piece, there was very few mistakes.

There was a simplicity in the narrative that made for an easy read. A few very small digressions but nothing that really detracted from the story.

I think I spotted 2 more questionable sentences but I seem to have forgotten where they were and so I have decided they probably weren't worth mentioning to begin with. The ones that were though all came together. Like, literally, they were mostly in the same paragraph.

I was impressed with her fine manors, she knew me only by my words and nothing else. I read all of the treads she started and lot of her posts, she was a talented young writer who seemed to grasp the technical side writing. I sent her note asking for help. She pulled from some of my past LMs to show me where I could improve my writing and encouraged me to keep telling stories.
manners *
threads *
technical side of writing.
(Also; technical 'sides' of writing. is optional)

Mostly I have to say nice work, good improvements all around for your continuing and rapid development of writing. Additionally, the thought put in and the appreciation felt came through quite nicely. So, thank you for that.


July 10th, 2014, 11:38 PM
Thanks Kev. Even when having fun, the teacher teaches and the student learns. I would not have picked up on those corrections no matter how many times I went over it .

July 11th, 2014, 06:16 AM
.... I had a whole elaborate get up I was going to say, had it planned out after the first two paragraphs or so of how you'd mail me your millions... Then my dreams crashed and burned, thank you for that. Like, I had some notes scribbled down... eh, whatever. It was a nice piece!

July 11th, 2014, 11:33 AM
Very nice piece haha. Made me smile. I dont think ive ever been meantioned before, im flattered. But yes im going to have to sue you ;)

Posted from my phone.

July 11th, 2014, 05:55 PM
Thanks for sharing. This just reinforces my excitment to be a part of this forum.

July 11th, 2014, 10:16 PM
Thanks for this. Your work has grown very strong, I have noticed a definite improvement. You are sly, in a good way. I like the slowly building humor you bring. You do have a knack for telling a story, and that has gotten clearer as your technical skills have grown.

July 12th, 2014, 07:00 PM
Bob, it's things like this that make it all worthwhile. Not only knowing that the time spent helping is appreciated, but seeing just how far it's gone. Comparing this to your writing even a month ago, I can see that you've improved more in that space of time than I would in a year of writing. A small amount of that is from the help you've received, but it's your commitment and the hard work you put in that's transformed you from a storyteller into a writer.

Your dedication to self-improvement will take you a long way, as will your thoughtfulness, and your kindness. Thank you for being a lovely human being. It's the members like you that make this website the best place on the internet, and have me trapped within these green walls for more of the day than I care to admit <3