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View Full Version : Perhaps a Stories Beginning?



allyson17white
July 7th, 2014, 09:51 PM
I was looking over things that I've written before and found this. I figure it might be a good first paragraph to a first person story. That's not what I wrote it for but I wondered how the writing style what work for a story.

I find, right now, that I am unhappy. Not sad or depressed, just unhappy. The best word I can come up with is restless. I am extremely restless. And I become more and more so everyday. Lately Iíve been very bored, or at least thatís the word I can think to use. But bored isnít quite the right answer for how Iíve been feeling, itís different from that. Every day is the same thing, you see, I get up, I go to school, I come home, and do it all over the next day. Nothing ever changes! So, as I said it, bored. It seems I havenít been able to think. My silence, which is normally a thoughtful silence has been replaced, for the time being, with empty silence. My mom said right now it is good to be content. This word seems like a reflection of the feeling I am striving to describe. If it is content Iím feeling then I hate it, because I know I hate this feeling. Maybe itís anger, perhaps Iím angry and that is what this is but I donít think so. We havenít moved. I want to move, I want it so bad, and yet it isnít about the getting a home to settle down in, not really. Itís about moving, the thought of moving, getting up and going somewhere. And I want that so badly.

InkPawPrints
July 8th, 2014, 02:10 AM
Hullo allyson17white, thought I'd stop in and give it a read.

I have found that there are many ways to begin a story depending on how one wants to fabricate it, what type of story it is meant to be, and what style of writing one has or uses. So asking if we think it would be a good first paragraph could be subject to being judged more on personal opinion, though there is a few basics we could measure it against (the hook and so on). That being said, I think this would be an interesting start to a story. It sounds like something of a journal entry or perhaps a mental reflection the main character is having which I've seen done a few times. From this I cannot fully tell what sort of story it's going to be which may be a positive or negative aspect depending.


I want to move, I want it so bad, and yet it isn’t about the getting a home to settle down in, not really.

This part sounds a bit awkward to me, just wanted to point it out. With the word 'the' right there it feels like the sentence is missing something to me. Like you were going to say "I want to move, I want it so bad, and yet it isn't about the getting a home to settle down in part, not really." or something. I might have made my example even more peculiar sounding and the sentence might actually be fine.


Overall I enjoyed reading it, and I hope you do something with it ^^

sparks81292
July 13th, 2014, 10:56 PM
Interesting feeling to describe. Could definitely be the start of something, but so far it is just description I want to know what he (or she) will DO about it, give us some action!

qwertyportne
July 13th, 2014, 11:13 PM
What you have now reads like a diary, but with some skillful crafting could be transformed into story or an essay. Your lament, for me, is overflowing with confusion. Are you unhappy? Restless? Bored? Content? Angry? I'm not suggesting you pick one and go with that. The confusion could be the central theme of your story, or essay. Let me suggest you start your story, as suggested above, with a dramatic introduction to the main character (you?) that really hooks your reader.

Bob tossed his books on the floor and threw himself on the bed. Confusion swept over him like a cold, dark wave. My life is a prison, he thought. I wish we could get out of this stupid town and move somewhere exciting.

Or something like that? I look forward to your next draft. Good luck! No, that's silly. Luck is just a happy accident. For your story, I wish you intentional serendipity.

adbleke
July 14th, 2014, 07:46 PM
I definitely feels like the beginning of a story. I would work on where you want to go with it. Depending on how far you want to take the story. If you're trying for shock value, I would dig a little deeper. Feeling restless and anxious can be the tip of the iceberg concerning internal issues of mental stability. It could involve substance abuse, or simply general anxiety disorder. It definitely could start something, I would say take it and see where it will go.