View Full Version : One hell of a view (~ 3000 words, mature theme)

July 7th, 2014, 08:27 AM
They say when you go to hell your punishment is dictated by your actions. A lake of fire for liars, an eternal hanging for those who commit suicide, and an endless blizzard for betrayers.

I arrived in hell on the day of my 22nd birthday. My girlfriend that day had admitted to cheating on me. I remember because I starting listening to "Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi after she told me. I hear that song every now and then, it reminds me of her and Ricky.

I didn't think my characteristics of who I was deserved that kind of treatment. But as I continued to look in the mirror that evening, I failed to see any redeeming qualities. Beer followed, then a hit of ecstasy, then a line of coke, followed by more ecstasy.

I hated staring at myself. I hated the fact that I wasn't strong enough to prevent the failures in my life. That I wasn't strong enough to stand up Mike Ackan after he called me a faggot in middle-school. That I wasn't strong enough to be a starter on the football team, the lacrosse team, the track team, or even the friggin chess club. That I wasn't strong enough to start a conversation with the girl in photoshop class who had all the same interests as me.

I had no memories of where I felt good about myself. My whole mantra was not to think of who I was, because frankly, it depressed me. Every thought and every action I took was a step backwards. One might look at me and assure it's a learning point. But to what end? There was no end. The few good moments I had were nothing to me because of who I was.

It was raining when I put my mask on and it thundered when I buckled my military vest. I thought the weather was a setting fit for what I was about to do. I laughed at the irony and made my way to the door.

When I was about to leave, my dog "Spike" tried to stop me. He whined and stood in front of the door. My beagle's beady brown eyes looked into mine and I considered him for a moment. Then I pushed him out of the way and chambered a shell into my twelve gauge.

I started up my caddie and blared "2pac and NWA"; I knew where that bastard lived and I knew she'd be with him at about this time. As white as I was I couldn't help but feel like a gangsta going after them.

"Straight outta Compton!" I bellowed when I drove down the freeway going about 99. I didn't care if the cops pulled me over. I had a plan for that. A very blunt, simple plan, that involved my shotgun.

When I finally made my way to Ricky's shitty row home, I parked my DeVille and climbed out. The rain pattered off my hoodie and clown mask as I made my way to the front door.

I knocked twice.

I heard the rushing of footsteps then a voice. It was deep and unintelligent. The kind of voice you hear in North Philly where men read at a first grade level.

"Who there?" The deep male voice said.


"Pizza for who?"

"Pizza, for you"

The door swung open and the dude who looked like he was from the set of "trailer park boys" stared at me. I backed off a little and pointed the barrel at him.

He looked at me wearing a clown mask then to the barrel of the shotgun. His eyes widened and he started to shake. It's as if he was frozen and not sure of what to do.

"You're... You're not the pizza guy.."


The light flashed as the buckshot made one giant hole in the man's face. His head seemed to melt and he dropped backwards as if he slipped on something. The smell of gunpowder filled my nostrils as I watched his brain matter splatter onto the floor behind him.

I stood there in silence contemplating what I had just done. After a moment, I continued my way into the rowhome, carefully stepping my way over the corpse of the dude who had thought he was going to be getting pizza. Then I made my way to the stairs.

I felt excitement as I heard a scrambling of desperation. One voice was crying while the other was yelling. It had to be them. Those two had probably been having sex the whole night, telling each other how much they "love spending time together", or how "they're never going to leave each other", or where they want to get married, or whatever lovey dovey bullshit people tell each other when they're sexually attracted.

The smell of gunpowder was replaced with the stench of marijuana. I noticed smoke billowing up in the air like little clouds.

"They're going to die high? What an experience that will be for them.." I spoke with the hint of melancholy on my lips.

The scrambling continued behind the door directly at the top of the stairs. I felt like a count down timer, each stair I conquered was a tick of the clock for the duo, and time was running out.

I finally made my way to the door. I stepped back and kicked it down, knocking it off its hinges.

The last thing Ricky saw was a snide clown mask staring at him with a shotgun.

He died just like the first guy. Wide eyed and open mouthed. Though I shot him twice, first in the nuts, then as he was withering in pain on the floor I shot him in the back.

The bitch I used to call mine was standing in front of me. I had come to realize she hadn't been the one crying. There were no tears running down her cheek, nor was there any sign of fear in her eyes.

"Hi.." I said lowering my shotgun.


"So I'm kinda sorry things worked out like this."

"It's fine."

"It's fine?"


"So what are you up to later today?"

"Probably being questioned by the police.." She said as we heard the sirens growing louder.

"Yeah.. There's no way this is going to work, right?"

She shook her head. Then I heard a megaphone.

"Come out with your hands held high!" I heard the squawky megaphone screech into my ears.

I dropped my shotgun and pulled out an airsoft pistol.

"One more kiss before I go?" I asked her, hoping I could have one last moment of peace before I met my fate.

She came to me, stepping over her lover's body. She took the clown mask off and tossed it to the side. She reached to my face and stroked my cheek. Her hand sent shivers up my spine and goosebumps made their way across my pale skin.

I held her close, smashing my lips against hers in a fury of passion that made me forget I was about to die. I thought of her and her alone. I thought of those times I spent with her. The days of drinking together, of going to the beach, the days we'd fuck in my DeVille. The memories flooded past me in a wave of mutilation that felt like a supernova.

"I'll always be yours." I said as I drew her back.

"Goodbye.." She said then let me go, fading into the darkness of the room.

I walked over and picked my clown mask back up, put it on, and headed down the stairs without looking back. I took one last breath and headed outside.

I couldn't see much because of the bright lights. The cops were yelling at me, though I was too caught up in my own reality to care. I had finally done something with myself. Finally the disgusting self opinion was dissipating. I had gotten revenge. I had done what other people could never bring themselves to do. I was something in this world of lies.

I gripped my airsoft pistol. Lifted it up towards the lights and then felt burning sensations all across my body. There was only the yelling of cops that filled my senses as my life escaped me. I closed my eyes. No more world, no more woman problems, no more hate, and no more love. I embraced the nothingness that followed.

Then, almost immediately I was in a court room.

St. Peter sat above me as I awoke. I wasn't chained nor was I bound. I simply sat before him in a wooden chair, strangely still wearing my clown mask.

He banged his hammer then a entourage of jurors, witnesses, attorneys, and other denizens of the court entered. A man in a business suit sat down next to me. His skin was the color of fire. It shifted and burned just like it was ablaze. His horns curled counter clockwise and he turned to me and held out his clawed hand.

I reached out and shook it, unsure if it was the right thing to do.

"You must be Brian, I'm Conrad. Your attorney"

He pulled up a black leather brief case and placed it on the table before us. He clicked the locking mechanisms open and pulled out a file. He pulled out the papers and began reviewing them.

"Hmm... Okay." He muttered to himself.

"Where am I?" I asked him, but he ignored me completely and continued to review the files before him.

He put down the papers and looked at me, sighed, then licked his fangs.

"The grand court of purgatory." He said with his hands folded and his huge body lurched over the table.

"So I take it your not Catholic?" He asked me.

"Uhh, no" I replied raising an eyebrow.

"Well that's not helping your case very much.."

"What case? You mean I'm actually going to be judged by god and that the true religion is Catholicism?!" I was angry and disappointed at the same time. But Conrad couldn't see my expressions since I still had my mask on.

"Well you're half right.." He started adjusting his spectacles that I failed to notice until now, "god isn't going to judge you, St. Peter is. He is the judge after all"

"I thought he was just the guy that had the list.." I complained.

"Nah, that's something of a myth. Besides if you have to see god you're in big, big trouble."

I sighed then looked around. St. Peter was busy looking through a black leather brief case, the one that had disappeared from our table, the jurors were talking eccentrically to one another as if they were apart of some kind of Victorian Upper Society, and the witnesses (whom I'd never seen before) were eagerly adjusting each others ties over and over.

"Well, what's the good news?" I asked Conrad jokingly.

"Everyone in heaven gets a mansion," he said with a smile on his face.

"Is there a chance that I could possibly get one of those?"

"Not a chance in hell" he laughed then patted me on the back.

"Order! Order!" St. Peter banged his hammer. Everyone quietly made their way to their seats and I felt a hundred eyes resting on me. All in all I felt rather silly, still wearing the clown mask. But what could I do? I felt like I was suppose to wear the thing.

"Brian of exactly 22 years of age stand accused of murder in the first degree, the murder of a catholic in the first degree, and intentional double swing suicide, how do you plea?"

Conrad and I stood up. As Conrad opened his mouth I cut him off. I would speak for myself in this matter, it was an eternity after all. An eternity which I felt entitled to.

"Not guilty!" I shouted at him, my clown mask smiling. Then I realized the mask had become my face. I didn't really care though, in fact it made me feel more intimidating.

Gasps followed along with a bunch of shouts.


"Non believer!"

St. Peter continued to bang his hammer until the shouting stopped. I looked around at my audience then to Conrad whose mouth was open. He lifted his sunglasses off his face to show me how surprised he was.

"How are you not guilty? You, who had premarital sex, abused substances, haven't attended a mass in 10 years, and more so killed two people?! This is an insult to God, Catholicism, and this court room! You should be on your knees begging for forgiveness!"

I looked up at him, grabbed my balls and then said, "Yet here I stand!"

More shouts and gasps filled the court room.

"Do you want to roast in a lake of fire? Would you have me send you to the 8th layer of hell where your carcass will freeze for an eternity yet be burned at the same time?!" St. Peter was animate about all this, I was too. I felt so powerful, me being able to rile up St. Peter. It was all so surreal and fantastic.

"If you would not hear my piece! Then I decree INJUSTICE!" I shouted back. The court room was a rille with people screaming and booing while throwing tomatoes at me and Conrad that seemed to disappear as soon as they hit us. They left no stains I noticed.

"Sarah Palin sucks!" I shouted at the crowd. This upset them even more.

Conrad sighed then held up his hands that spewed fire towards the heavens in a dazzling but loud display that got the attention of all. The crowd became quiet instantly and not even whispers were heard.

"My lords, my ladies, and my betters.." He bowed with a sword that came out of nowhere, "this man is simply confused. He had no thought of his actions at the time and he was simply distressed. Had he known the damage he would cause? Had he thought that by killing a catholic that it would cost the Holy Roman Catholic Church money? No he did not. This is a matter of self inflicted harm. He had never wanted this, his dreams were to grow old with his great love. To lay in the grassy meadows with his lover for eternity. But she was taken from him! Deserted and lost this poor soul is! Look at him! He is just like you, searching for the truth! And now that he sees the light of our lord, the creator of heaven and earth, he is truly apologetic about the entire matter!" He turned to me and pointed, "Are you not Brian?!"

I sighed, the charade had gone on long enough. "Yes.. All I ever desired was her, and she was taken from me."

"You see! The struggle of mankind! The temptations of jealousy surround us all! Think about a time when you were on earth where you had something stolen?! Do those memories not upset you?! Now look at young Brian! His love! His only reason to exist was taken from him! I say the two that were killed were not entirely innocent! Does that not make his crime excusable?!"

There were murmurs among the crowd. Even St. Peter scratched his beard in thoughtfulness. Finally after a few moments Peter banged his hammer.

"I have made a decision."

I bunch of butterflies crept their way through my stomach. Literally butterflies poured out of my pants. I was confused but more or less I was more interested in what my fate of eternity.

"By the power invested in me by our god the father, creator of heaven and earth, I rule your punishment and death as a suicide. You will not be accounted for the deaths of two people as it was beyond your will to control. However you made a conscious decision to hold up a less-than-lethal fire arm in order to make the police to kill you. You will reside in the 5th level for all eternity. God has shown you the mercy you deserve. Court dismissed"

Conrad pumped his fist in the air and cheered. I looked down and felt more miserable than I had ever.

"Cheer up Brian! Suicide is one of the best deals you can get! It's one of the least painful punishments!" He patted me on the back.

I sighed then held out my hand. "Thanks.. I guess"

Conrad smiled then grabbed my hand. The next thing I knew I was hanging from a tree with a noose around my neck.

But that was all so long ago. I've been here a while now swaying back and forth from my tree. Satan plays his music and I listen to it.

Sometimes I think about my great love and wonder what she's up to these days, I wish her the best, I really do, and I hope she gets a mansion or at least a good attorney like Conrad so she gets a good deal like I did.

My friend Rica, who I knew in college is right next to me. So it's not too bad. For her it is though, since she's gay. Or was. Not really that much sexual fun going on down here. Anyway we talk sometimes when she's not being ripped open by a bush of thorns. I think it's great that I have a friend.

I'm surprised that this was the afterlife. I feel like heaven is like an endless episode of "I love Lucy" where people are catholic and upstanding. Live in their perfect fairy-tale worlds and live their lives, err.. after lives. I'm so jealous but at the same time I'm not. I like my tree. I like Satan's music, and quite frankly, I like the view of the lake.

July 18th, 2014, 11:24 PM
I'm not one to point out the faults of someones work, so i won't, I'll stick to the brighter side, and this partly because i didn't particularly see anything worth noting.
I loved this story! It was well written and has comedic parts that I thoroughly enjoyed.
I am genuinely surprised that I am the first to comment on this! If anyone else stumbles upon this, and you have the time, I highly recommend you check this out.

Conrad pumped his fist in the air and cheered. I looked down and felt more miserable than I had ever.

"Cheer up Brian! Suicide is one of the best deals you can get! It's one of the least painful punishments!" He patted me on the back.
^^^loved this part.

July 19th, 2014, 04:44 AM
This story is impressively imaginative. I believe writing about the afterlife is extremely difficult and I applaud those that are able to do so gracefully, as you have done. This story appealed to me personally and I quite simply loved it! Very well written!