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View Full Version : Strawberry Luck [Lightly Erotic, No Profanity]



qwertyportne
July 4th, 2014, 09:49 PM
Jennifer steps out of the shower. The moisture clinging to her skin glistens in the sunlight streaming through the window. She begins to dab the beads of water from her body ~ up her calves, around her breasts and up and down both arms. Facing the mirror, Jennifer likes what she sees: a tall, tan, tantalizingly beautiful woman.

As she steps into her robe, she hears the doorbell ring. Who could that be at this time of the morning? she wonders. Jennifer walks to the front door, opens it, and sees a man with a box of strawberries standing on her front porch.

"Yes?" she asks in her prettiest voice.

"Good morning, ma'am. I'm..."

"Please. Call me Jennifer."

"Hi Jennifer. I'm Joe, your strawberry man. Ripe, red, sweet, juicy strawberries are only $5 a flat and if you buy two you get the second flat for just $3, my gift to you."

"Well Joe, this is your lucky day. I'm in the mood for strawberries. Go through that gate over there. I'll meet you at the back door."

Balancing his load on one arm, Joe opens the gate and finds the back door, thinking maybe his luck has changed. As he reaches up to knock, Jennifer steps out and lets her robe fall to the porch.

"Good golly miss molly..."

While Joe fills his hungry eyes with her long lovely legs and luscious red lips, Jennifer raises her arms and runs her fingers through her honey-blond hair, revealing her full, rounded presence there on the back porch with Joe, her trembling little strawberry man.

Joe watches each strand of Jennifer's hair slip through her long tapered fingers and fall gently back in place. "Ma'am, I..."

Jennifer presses a finger to his lips. "Shhhhhh. Come inside, Joe. This is your lucky day."

But Joe just stands there looking at his feet, muttering.

"Joe, moments ago, you were bright-eyed and happy. Now you look like a sad little boy. Don't you want this to be your lucky day?"

Joe looks into Jennifer's lurid blue eyes, thinking Lucky Day?

"Last month, my company, the one I saved from bankruptcy with shrewd thinking, charm and wit, fired me just two days before my retirement. Now they say I can't collect my pension.

Last week, my wife, the one I saved from topless bars and sleazy motels with love and patience, ran off with the mailman just one day before our twentieth anniversary. Now she's suing me for alimony.

Yesterday, my bank, the one I saved from a scandalous investment with skill and ruthless honesty, repossessed my house and my truck just one day after I made a payment with my very last dime.

This morning, my dog, the mangy mutinous mutt I saved from a burning building with quick thinking and no thought for my own safety, ran off with the neighbors cat, the one I saved from a pit bull last week, the one that sprays my newspaper every morning.

I now live in a rented, dilapidated old shack, drive a beat-up old jalopy and try to keep beans, bacon and bread on my table selling strawberries to people like you in neighborhoods like this."

Joe takes a deep breathe. "And now..." Joe sighs and bows his head. The words are there, but he is just too choked up and carried away with emotion and heartbreak to continue.

Jennifer pulls the baseball cap from Joe's head and runs her long tapered fingers through his graying hair. "Go ahead, Joe. And now?"

"And now, Jennifer, it looks like you're gonna screw me out of my strawberries."

Plasticweld
July 4th, 2014, 10:10 PM
Great little story and story line, the only thing that caught my attention was the dog running off with the cat, did you mean it that?

LeeC
July 6th, 2014, 01:32 PM
Delicious :applouse:

qwertyportne
July 13th, 2014, 11:33 PM
Great little story and story line, the only thing that caught my attention was the dog running off with the cat, did you mean it that?

Yes. By the time I got to that part of the story, I had drank a few too many beers. The story is my vastly elaborated version of a joke I heard in junior high. We've all been there: boys bathroom, guy walks in and says, "You guys heard the one about Jennifer?"

DannyMullen
July 14th, 2014, 09:18 PM
Nice little story, man. The the dog running off to bang the cat was my highlight.

apple
July 14th, 2014, 10:00 PM
It kept me reading, that's for sure. Really fun. I would never have seen that last line coming. I enjoyed it.

rogerblingham
July 19th, 2014, 09:26 AM
Last sentence was delicious or should I say hilarious! Good going keep writing!

DarkPunzel
July 20th, 2014, 01:57 AM
It made me smile! It was well written and kept me very interested! The last line actually made me laugh out loud! Very good!

nerdybynature
August 14th, 2014, 06:16 PM
The misadventures of Joe the strawberry salesman, this was funny... I feel it for Joe man and that last line was the icing on the cake.

T. R. Slone
February 26th, 2015, 03:16 AM
Very funny. Reminded me of jokes I heard as a kid from my friends lol.

KJay
February 26th, 2015, 09:29 AM
Yep, grin on my face. Job well done.

Like the other guys said, the last line is pure gold! :)

Frankyette
April 10th, 2015, 03:08 AM
Is 'lightly erotic' kind of an oxymoron? I kind of feel like it may be, but I could be wrong. I am well known for being wrong. XD

The cat running off to bang the dog? Classic. Well, not yet, but soon to be.

TJ1985
April 10th, 2015, 03:34 AM
That's the funniest thing I've read in a very long time. I loved it.

My only nit that really stands out:


beans, bacon and bread on my table selling strawberries to

This one section read as really clumsy to me, on my table selling just tumbled me while I read. The problem is, I can't think of a better way to say it.

Excellent work.

KellInkston
April 18th, 2015, 09:15 PM
The cat and the dog, oh my~

I loved it.