PDA

View Full Version : Helminthia



Ethan
July 3rd, 2014, 04:24 PM
It is dark down here.
Secure and damp, it cocoon’s and comforts us in mother’s cool embrace.
We dare not the upside, it is forbidden, only death awaits they who provoke the light.
We are changed, whatever was before, is no more and of no consequence.
For since the Becoming we have prospered.
The elders no longer share memories of the before time; only the begotten stories of the great light that stole our eyes and drove us here. They are passed between us, shared by the ‘joining.’
There are no yesterday pictures for our minds.
No recorded echoes to stir longing or pique curiosity, only the smell of this sweet dark earth can still our fears and sustain us in the cool eternal darkness.
The mother soil above us is harsh and lifeless.
Whatever was there, is no more, the noises from upside ceased aeons ago. Here, the only sounds are the whisperers and ourselves, as we work our way through the earth.
The older ones say one day it will change, that our own movements in the earth will heal the upside, it is idle chatter that neither comforts nor aids us. We are content here, secure in our silent place. Soon we will change again, becoming more like the worms that share our abode.
There are others here, but they are not as we are.
Always they whisper.
They talk to us, quietly, in our sleeptime, their soft whisperings seeping through the soil like water, we feel their words on our skins and we lie quiet, absorbing their vibrations, digesting their sounds.
The elder say we were once like them, but we do not believe them. They are dead to us.
In the great empty spaces they dwell, waiting; waiting and whispering, yearning for the Return to upside. They are fools, and yet; we absorb their cajoling words, despite our loathing.
They, are not like us, they no longer remember the upside, they know nothing of the fire that blisters the skin, or the light that weakened their minds and corrupted our Mother for they are not of the joining.
Instead, they whisper zealously of ten thousand sleeptimes from now, with sighs and murmur’s of a ‘M’msiah’ who will lead them to a new upside.
It is but a dream; for they will all be dead soon; their voices grow fewer and fainter with each passing sleeptime.
We will be alone then, rejoicing with each metamorphosis, awaiting each birth of newkind.
Better here in the security of our world, far from the burning upside, and content in the tranquil harbour of our darkness. Better to let the whisperers dreams pass over us and die with them in their caverns leaving us the perfect silence.
Here in our Mother’s belly.
Quiet in Helminthia.

jerich100
July 3rd, 2014, 11:19 PM
Your exposition is very nice. Is it stand-alone? Is it a prologue? What is it? Pardon me for asking.

Am I allowed SS comments? (SS = super-subtle) It’s your own fault for getting pesky comments because you wrote this so well. :)

If the characters “under” never come out, if their lives are “under”, then wouldn’t they say, “It is dark here”? The “down” is default, is understood. Furthermore, if “dark” is their norm, then than wouldn’t they say, “It’s bright above”? Meaning, everything around them just "is". It is everywhere else that is different or strange.

Doesn’t, “We dare not the upside”, imply, “We’d never do anything so courageous and awesome”? Wouldn’t creatures who never came to the light detest it, fear it, and consider it vulgar? Thus wouldn’t they say, “How dirty the upside”, or some variation of that?

Again, instead of “We are changed”, wouldn’t it be, “The past is invalid”? "We" are fine. It's the past that is wrong.

In each case, isn't the “now and here” the unlabeled center, and anything else is a sub-par, dirty, cheap imitation?

“The great light”? This strikes me as something divine. Wouldn’t it be “the demon light?” or something like that? Same with ”mother soil above us is harsh...”. Isn’t “mother” a term of endearment? Well, for most mothers.

In summary, you want everything from the perspective of those creatures. They are the center of everything, and all else is beneath them, worthiness, and so on.

Ethan
July 4th, 2014, 07:50 AM
Hey jerich100,
firstly thanks for reading and commenting. The piece was a response to a prompt 'After the Apocalypse' and is stand alone flash fiction (No pun intended). My idea was to speak from the perspective of the mutations caused by the radiation. They have evolved and are still evolving into something quite different from humanity and slowly losing this aspect of what they were.
quite difficult in few words. It could probably do with a rewrite, to fill it out a bit more without the constraints of the original prompt, so I put it up here to see if it was worth the effort.
So once again thanks for your input!

Deafmute
July 4th, 2014, 08:44 AM
Great flash fiction, literally the echo of a great fantasy novel. I can already imagine the plot that this might serve as a prologue to. Frankly I would read it. I really enjoy the poetic prose, nearly religous reference to the mother earth, tribal reformation of humanity as well as the physical mutation. Title was funny, honestly I half expected to find out they were normal earth worms talking here when the story started, but that is neither here nor there. Fun read appreciate you sharing it.