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Riptide
July 2nd, 2014, 06:30 AM
It was only a grin. A big toothy grin. I wanted a little fluffy friend, and he just assumed I wanted to eat him. I'm not that kind of wolf. Not that kind of animal.
Really, I'm only a pup.


I pounce from rock to rock. I deserve a friend. A true friend, like that bunny I was going to call my buddy. He flew from his spot. Man, did he dash. The memory still hurts. He ran so fast. I was just going to nab him. Nab him for myself. Take him away. Paw around with him. Bounce around his bounding form. Maybe take a nip at his fur. Feel his flowing blood. His pounding pulse. His quickened breath. He should've known it would've gotten to me. So I chased after him, but really, did I do anything wrong? No, of course not.


He dodged my snapping jaws. Skipped over my swiping claws. He got away, but I was left all alone. Am all alone. Alone forever because they always run.
Then again... I followed him. He began to slow. He began to rest. I hunched low. I covered up my tan fur with the grass. I trod carefully, not making noise. His nose twitched so delicately. Really, I did tell them all. All I want is a true friend.


He was still. I didn't want to do it, I really didn't, but I was hungry. Nuts and berries only cut it so far. A true vegetation diet doesn’t keep the gut full. Doesn't fuel those muscles of mine, and I get pretty hungry after a few weeks. But I told them I was an angel really.


He didn't understand, but I cried. I cried when my jaws closed around his neck. When his bones snapped and cracked. When my canine's dug deep into his fur.
When the dirt was colored scarlet. Really, I was truly sorry. I only wanted a friend. A friend to talk to and love.

All I got was a meal. That's all I always get.

Greimour
July 2nd, 2014, 09:42 AM
Am all alone. Alone forever because they always run.

I'm all alone... 'am', though it is understood to be I'm in this case, 'am' is 'I that be' for example;
Am I invited? = Be I invited?
I am invited? = "I be invited?"
I am the worlds greatest! = I be the worlds greatest!
etc...

To my knowledge, which may be lacking - you can't use 'am' the way you have done.

That aside, I loved this piece. All of it.

I am struggling really hard to remember the term used when using rhyming words in a story like this... assonance, consonance, phonology, ... more can be listed... but I can't remember! Grrr. -.-''


like that bunny I was going to call my buddy

He flew from his spot. Man, did he dash. The memory still hurts. He ran so fast.

I love the rhyming throughout and the character and the feelings.

Alone, hurt, angry, vengeful, playful, guilty...


He dodged my snapping jaws. Skipped over my swiping claws.

Wish I could remember the proper word that describes this method of writing in literature. I loved it all, excellent piece.



~Kev.

count58
July 2nd, 2014, 09:56 AM
Hi!

I think the story is about your furry friend and how he loves to play with his friends.
The story is well said although I don't have much time to check on the grammar.
But even then, it is well said. The animal is best described with respect to the way he lives.

Pets are like that .. they tend to play with smaller and fellow pets to entertain themselves.
It's also a way to catch their master's attention.
I have a pet back home and I love him dearly.
He's like that!
I just don't know what to do when he's out of my sight.

Thanks!

LeeC
July 5th, 2014, 06:34 PM
A clever anthropomorphic perspective, veiling a naturalistic understanding of life being fueled by life and each life form fulfilling its niche. Respectively done — I liked it :-)

With what I've seen of your writing, you've a very imaginative mind. I envy your having so much life ahead to blossom further.

Write on,
LeeC

InstituteMan
July 5th, 2014, 07:12 PM
This reminds me if my Great Dane. I like how this is both funny and sad, all at the same time. Since this is told from the perspective of a dog, I would tend toward the intentionally ungrammatical. Well done!

Plasticweld
July 6th, 2014, 01:04 AM
Rip great story and very well told..

It made me smile a number of times

Riptide
July 6th, 2014, 02:01 AM
Thanks you guys! It was fun to write.

rogerblingham
July 19th, 2014, 09:00 AM
I liked the twist provided at the last line. Until then, I had slight trouble in following the story.

Firemajic
July 19th, 2014, 02:49 PM
I found alot to love about this...Peace...Jul

BryanJ62
July 19th, 2014, 03:58 PM
Sad.

HumanYoYo
July 30th, 2014, 06:18 AM
Nature is cruel, ain't it?
This has a great rhythm to it. I like.

Mickd
July 31st, 2014, 01:54 AM
Reminded me of our now deceased family cat. Like your wolf all she ever wanted was a friend. Sadly she left her friends all over our yard, on our porch, on our carpets... You get my point. And I get yours. Nicely done.