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View Full Version : The Hat. (Very short)



Denhark
June 27th, 2014, 11:53 AM
I wrote this in a short span of time, and though "Hey, why not see what it's like with some others," so here it is.

Andrew lay under the glaring summer sun in a grassy field, pondering if what he has done really was the right thing.
“No,” came a voice from the depths of his mind, “breaking into a cemetery to steal an old hat was not the right thing.”
The hat atop his head wriggled around and fell off. “Shut up, if I didn’t get you out you would’ve rotted in there for another few hundred years.”
The hat wasn’t listening. By then it was already heading off towards the forest in which the cemetery was located. It stopped and turned to it’s old friend. “Look Andrew, I too gotta get some rest sometime.” A tear rolled down it’s face.
“No!” Screamed andrew in terror, “Please don’t.”
But by then the hat was already beyond the horizon, never again to be seen by Andrew.

zenor
July 1st, 2014, 08:49 PM
It was kind of boring to read. Maybe i just don't like small texts.

Denhark
July 3rd, 2014, 10:05 AM
Yeah, personally I too think it sucks. I wrote it out of boredom in a lesson in school.

The Bruce
July 15th, 2014, 04:36 AM
I liked it, actually. The hat refusing to listen made me smile, it felt reminiscent of The Luggage in Discworld.

qwertyportne
July 17th, 2014, 07:33 PM
The really funny part for me was when I looked at your avatar and thought, "Dude, put a hat on that!"

DarkPunzel
July 19th, 2014, 04:49 AM
This both confused and amused me! Haha

rogerblingham
July 19th, 2014, 09:23 AM
By no stretch of imagination, this can qualify as humor. There is quite a bit of disconnect between several sentences.

thepancreas11
July 19th, 2014, 03:24 PM
I think what roger is trying to say is that not all the words that appear in your head make it to the thread, I think. The idea that a man would steal a hat from a cemetery, that the hat would become personified, and that they're friendship would come to an end after many years of adventure together certainly qualifies as a humorous presence. The idea sits right in front of you. All you need to do is build upon it.

The question, "Why?" comes up a lot when I read this. Why did he steal the hat? Why can the hat talk? Why does the hat REALLY leave? Why is he so sad that it went? If you could answer all these questions by writing them out in action sequences, you'd have a pretty interesting story, I think, and at least something you could post in the Fantasy set of threads as opposed to this one (although I'm sure I would find it hilarious). It simply needs a bit more length to it to be complete.

Don't worry: plenty of writers on this forum, some of whom have been writing for an awfully long time, suffer from the inability to put down exactly what they mean when they write. Therein lies the beauty of a first draft and also the reason why we collectively must share our work before we attempt to have it published (in general, at least). I have the very same problem quite often.

Kieran S
August 27th, 2014, 02:28 PM
I'm a little confused as well to be honest.

But it might be worth continuing this tale and seeing what happens next. Andrew could be an interesting character to work with: he breaks into cemeteries, he steals from the dead, he talks to hats, and now he's been emotionally scared by the episode.

I've read stuff that has had characters much less interesting than Andrew.

Ayumi
September 3rd, 2014, 01:18 AM
To be honest I found this quite confusing and humorous!

Threak 17
September 10th, 2014, 12:10 AM
Quirky. And I like quirky.

Fivetide
September 10th, 2014, 05:05 PM
I'm sorry if this sounds negative but I really didn't see anything funny in it then again my sense of humour is warped and twisted so disregard my comment.