View Full Version : Janelle [836 Words]

June 26th, 2014, 09:47 AM
Clyde Bixby walks with a heavy step, and subtle imbalance. For Clyde, life on the interim between chapters is about as unsurprising as a sitcom that has run its course. The money is good but, though he doesn't know it, Clyde Bixby is a dying man. Tonight, when he got back from work he threw his cigarettes away. This wasn't the first time he'd done that. In fact it was the twenty second occasion in which his victory over comfort was manifested in raw cigarette disposal. He was going to write out his goals: to do push ups, and sit ups, and learn to dance. Someday, at a friend's wedding, it would look really good. However, he decided to take a shower first, and read until he fell asleep. It was true though; Clyde Bixby would do push ups, and sit ups, and one day he would dance with Claire Fimple at his best friend’s wedding. He is going to look great, but as it turns out, he won't take those dance lessons, and he won't fall in love with Claire.

Tomorrow afternoon Clyde is going to wake up and realize he's out of cereal. To make the situation worse, the restaurants in town probably won't be serving breakfast then either. Naturally, Clyde will adapt to his kerfuffle. He'll have a word on the tip of his tongue that will annoy him more than the breakfast sandwich he'll have to endure. The word is kerfuffle, and if he could think of that word, he might solve the fucking crossword puzzle. He will not though, and coincidentally, he won't win any small cash prizes this week either. There are plenty of things that are going to happen to Clyde tomorrow, though, and by the time he goes to bed he won't even have the crossword puzzle on his mind.

When he wakes up the morning after, he'll remember the night before through a headache. At 27 years old, it's time to stop hanging out with those friends. Tap water will be a sufficient breakfast. Tomorrow, Clyde will receive mail regarding his passport renewal, and it will be sitting on his counter the day the after that. He'll notice it, fill out a few documents, and write a check for $410.00. That check will be placed in a separate envelope and mailed to his land lord. Then, Clyde will drive a few blocks, and he'll present the passport documents to a clerk at the Marriage License Bureau. There aren't a lot of people who know this, but Clyde is quite the traveler. The lady who will process his documents at the Marriage License Bureau would probably be very impressed if she knew that. He once went on a trip to Europe, and there he took many pictures; he even took a picture of the Mona Lisa. It's like every other picture of the Mona Lisa, except he's in it.

There's work two days from now, so it's good that he will get up early the day after tomorrow. Maintaining his circadian rhythm is becoming increasingly more important, and he wants to be able to drink a coffee and smoke a cigarette without really feeling it that night. It's good that he won't. Clyde also has a dentist appointment that afternoon, wherein he will receive news that will change the course of his life. The dentist will see a white splotch in Clyde's mouth. He will blink twice, adjust his glasses, and identify it as one of Clyde's back molars before continuing the checkup. In the few seconds it will take him to do this, a pretty girl named Janelle Christiansen will be stepping through her front door, enroute for a cafe. After the appointment, Clyde will receive grave news. His insurance company has dropped fluoride as a part of his premium, and he will have to pay an additional fee to continue the treatment.

"Oh god", Clyde will say, "fine".

But Clyde does not believe in god, and Clyde is not fine. Clyde is dying. It's a shame that Clyde is going to pay an additional $85.00 for his teeth, and it's a shame that Clyde is dying. If neither of these things are to be true, he would eventually have the financial confidence to take a trip to Los Angeles, wherein he would decide to move there, and live very successfully as a writer. These things are going to be true though, and Clyde will continue dying as a clerk. After the appointment, he will be hungry.

The day after tomorrow, at 1:36 in the afternoon, Janelle Christiansen will be leaving a cafe as Clyde Bixby arrives for lunch. The two would notice each other, Clyde would trip, and Janelle would laugh. The two of them would fall in love, but Robin Collins will avert Janelle’s gaze from Clyde to her phone as they pass, because Robin is having a “the worst day of her life”. Janelle will look back to make sure she didn't leave her purse, and notice the back of a tall, handsome man she doesn't know, named Clyde, and will also continue dying.

June 28th, 2014, 04:31 PM
I think it's an interesting style, telling the story in a voice describing things that will happen but have not yet come to pass. I esp. liked the last part.

June 28th, 2014, 05:11 PM
I like this. The opening was some healthy narration, got me going. Almost sort of like Faulkner, dignified. Like it.

The story makes me think, although I'm not sure for the right reasons. We're all dying, from the moment we're born, I suppose. Is Clyde's significant, or is he just another one. The Fluoride thing is interesting, as Fluoride's a neurotoxin and makes my thought process go off in another direction. But I guess the point is that it's supposed to be overtly mundane.

Some glitches here and there, missing spaces, need commas, etc., but I think you have a sound piece of work here and I enjoyed it.

June 28th, 2014, 06:16 PM
Yeah, my formatting got jacked up in the copy/paste process. I just went over it again and I think it's in better shape now. Thank you much! I'm glad you liked it. :)

July 5th, 2014, 06:56 PM
I meant to get back to this piece earlier, but got distracted by duties. Now Plur has noted similar thoughts, leaving me with little to say.

So, I guess I'll just say it was a non-depressing, immersing bit on the otherwise potential tediousness of life.

I like your style, and I enjoyed the read :-)

Write on,

S. V. Allen
July 22nd, 2014, 09:35 AM
I really liked how you told the story as if it hasn't happened yet, it was fresh and have it that bit extra that made it really cool writing :) I noticed a couple of editorial mistakes but nothing serious! Thanks for sharing :) reading work like this helps me out a lot