View Full Version : Guardians - Prologue: Rebirth

June 18th, 2014, 10:02 AM
He lay on the cold hard ground; face down into the asphalt with the worst headache he ever had, like a bad hangover leaving its mark after long night of binge-drinking. His clothes were dirty, covered with all sorts of dust and road dirt spotting his white shirt with greasy marks. Ethan opened his eyes once the headache cleared and realized he's lying down in the middle of a truck parking lot, surrounded by plenty of trucks and tankers with only a few street lights to illuminate this dark place. He attempted to move his hands, to use them to get up. He couldn’t. For some unexplainable reason he felt as if his hands were tied behind his back, not with a rope or anything of material though; He simply could not physically move them from behind his back. The boy sat up on his knees, confused beyond his understanding, glaring at his surrounding with big lamb-like eyes.

"How the hell did I got here?" he wondered loudly to himself. Ethan was an ordinary teenager at the time, only at the age of seventeen. He had a green-grayish eyes and brown hazel-nut short hair, standing just a bit at the front to show some style. From first glare he would not stand out in a crowd by any stretch of the imagination.

"Finally you got up!" he heard a voice behind him, sounds rather glad to his surprise. As he turned his head he saw a man, about thirty by age, give or take a few years, sitting on the iron red and white fence between the sidewalk and the parking lot itself. He had pitch black rather sloppy ear length hair with stubble to complete the facial look of a complete bum. His eyes were green and a sparking jade stone, looking at him rather sharply. His clothes however showed a bit of design – he wore a long white leather trench coat on top of a light brown shirt and a pair of dark pants. His feet worn a pair of black leather boots and on his neck hanged a golden necklace with a sigh of runic origin Ethan had not known. The most eye-capturing item was the curved sword that hanged on the right side of his hip with the brown leather belt he wore.

"Who the hell are you?!" Shadow burst immediately "how did I get here!? What's the deal with the sword?"

"The sword?" the stranger cuirassed his hand on its hilt "You can say it’s the tool of my trade"
Ethan raised a brow, confused. His face expressions switched as fast as questions started rising in his head, until one halted his face on the expression of worry and dread.

"What time is it?" he asked immediately.

"I kidnapped you about three hours ago, around nine" the mysterious person replayed, looking at the black moonless sky "so I'm guessing it's around eleven, might even be midnight. My sense of time isn’t all so reliable. I'm not surprised you were out cold for the entire time, most people are like that after their first teleportation".

"Midnight?!" Ethan released a frustrated shout, more to himself rather than to the other person "I can't believe it! I'm the only person that can finally arrange a date with Her and get kidnapped on the way there! After she finally said yes! God damn it!"

"You must admit that it’s a pretty funny situation" said the stranger with a chuckle.

"Just untie me and we'll see how much you'll laugh!" Shadow replied with anger and frustration and all of the sudden, as if a horrible realization punched him straight in the face "wait one second. Did you just say 'teleportation'?".

"Kind of slow tonight aren’t we?" said the stranger "never mind, you'll sober up eventually. As much as this entire situation and your anger amuse me I must cut it short."

"I'm so glad to hear I'm amusing you!" the young one claimed sarcastically "I'm here every day! Tell your friends!"

"See? That’s what I'm talking about! Most people get terrified in this point but you just get pissed off – your sister told me you're like that".
Ethan wore the facial expression of complete shock and awe.

"My sister?" he asked "what does she have to do with all of this?"

"You could say we work for the same people. In a manner." the stranger explained with regular toned voice, as if Ethan was not his first person to grab and take, and might not be in the first twenty. "She claims you are suitable and ready to take part in what both I and your sister already do. Let's just say that there are things in this world that are far beyond the understanding of normal humans. Things you can't even believe that exists outside fiction and fantasy. Some are good, some are evil and you were chosen to join the people who keep this world in balance. Actually, 'chosen' might not be the right word for it. Meant to is more accurate".

Ethan seemed more and more confused as the conversation went on. This stranger didn’t make any sense! What the hell was he talking about? He seemed rather calm as if he became accustomed with this. He hoped off the fence and walked towards Ethan in a lightly manner, kneeling towards him to the eye level.

"Whatever you might be thinking right now I assure you this is all necessary" the stranger claimed "this may seem extreme, I admit it, but it must be done in order for you to understand what you're capable of".

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Ethan burst with anger and confusion.

"Listen!" the stranger said in an ordering manner, breaking Ethan's anger with a lift of a finger "your' life are about to, in all possible ways, be in danger. Now what you need to understand is that as much as the situation seems hopeless and doomed, you have the ability to survive and win. You can either choose to believe it, fight for your life or die. The choice is yours".
With a sudden feel of relief the young one felt as his hands are being untied, free from whatever held them together thus far. He brought his hand to the front and examined them, seeing that they are intact and well. Right before the thought of attacking the stranger manifested, he felt a slight breeze, which intensified with each passing moment into a powerful wind which blew from the center of the lot. The sound of breaking glass and bended steel drew his attention to an unbelievable spectacle to which he barely believed he saw – from thin air he saw a hole torn in reality, a purple hole in midair surrounded by cracks of broken glass glowing with sick purple. From that hole appeared a three fingered hand, dirty and full of bunions with black fingernails. The giant hand grabbed at the frame of the hole and pushed it, widening it with the further sound of bending metal and breaking glass until it was wide enough for one of the trucks in the lot to drive through it. From inside the hole stepped forth a giant humanoid creature ten feet tall. His hands were proportional to his body with small rather clumsy looking legs. His entire body was covered with bunions and other skin deformities which could have been mistaken for cancer growths. His entire skin was brown like a tree bark, and his head, which was missing a neck connecting it to its body, was huge and bald with tiny eyes and three teeth sticking out of his deformed rather big jaw. As soon as he stepped outside that hole he pulled out a tree log with him, wielding it as a club. As soon as he stepped outside the hole and took a couple of steps the hole shrieked and disappeared with a burst of cold wind. The huge disgusting creature walked around the lot, searching and sniffing as if he is hunting for prey.

"The swamp ogres enjoy skull colleting" explained the stranger with rather humorous tone "the rarest one is human skull. They usually do not dare to step into our world and get one, but I assume this one is desperate to complete his collection if he is here. Chances are, since you are here, that he will try to take yours".
Ethan looked at the stranger with a terrified unbelieving gaze and then returned his view to the great mythical creature.
"The only thing you have left to do is either fight or die. And whether you believe it or not – you have the power to win here, as I've said."

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME! I'm not fighting that thing!" Ethan shouted with frustration, turning to the man by his side. By the time he turned the stranger was gone, leaving him alone in the lot. Ethan turned his gaze forward to find he is facing the ogre who found him and stood in front of him, glaring at him and tilting his head like a curious dog.

"Oui!" he said, with a rather low pitched Scottish accent, yet with the language deformity of mentally retardation "you iz human are youz not?"

Ethan, terrified out of his mind stood up slowly, not breaking eye contact, to find that standing tall and still he just reached the great ugly creatures' crotch. "Y…yes" he said mumbling.

"Dat iz supah!" the ogre said rather gladly as a child "kan I take youz skull please?"

"I kind of still need it" answered him the human, becoming pale and stretching a nervous grin upon his lips "to live… and stuff…"

"Then letz me halp you wiz dat! " the ogre cried and lifted his mighty log, descending it upon Ethan with a mighty blow. Ethan just barely managed to jump out of the way, yet the log hit the ground with great intensity which threw him away several feet, landing and rolling him on the asphalt, bruising his skin. He had no time to spare. He stood up and continued his escape attempt while the ogre chased him, swinging his huge log like a fly swatter. The young human just barely manages to dodge the log and crawled like a chased rat beneath a tanker, hoping to lose the ogre. This attempt was proven futile as the great stupid creature easily tackled the tanker turning it on the side. Once again Ethan felt like a rat escaping a cat, running from the ogre as fast as he could once he understood his hiding was lost.

The mysterious stranger viewed all that was done in the lot from a few streets way atop a high apartment building with an inhuman vision. He kept a cold poker-faced expression as he saw the struggle of the boy he just kidnaped. As much as he hated seeing the kid in such struggle and wanted to intervene he stopped himself, realizing it is necessary.

"God-damn it kid" he said to himself, biting his lip "you better shape up and start fighting back for your life. No one else will do it for you!"

As Ethan ran he saw a shade above him, chasing him and hiding the streetlight lighting. He stopped just in the nick-of-time, preventing a brutal smash by a tanker the ogre hurled as him. His way was blocked and he turned around to find a different path yet all he found was the ogre mighty leg kicking him in the gut, launching him like a soccer ball away until he hit the door of a truck, bending the door and breaking the glass. He felt as if his inner vital organs just burned inside his body. He lay on the floor, coughing up his own blood in a pool of broken glass, unable to move, left for the mercy of this vile ogre like a helpless dying cub.

"You're pathetic" a voice echoed in his head

The ogre marched victorious towards Ethan with a wide grin on his face which showed his rotting three broad teeth, eager to rip Ethan's skull from his very body.
The human teenager attempted to get up, one last struggle for survival, yet his body failed him and he dropped to onto the shattered glass, bleeding both inside on outside with only the cold embrace of death waiting for him as he felt his inner organs flaming with searing pain.

"No!" he cried silently "it can't end like this. Not by this thing. Not right now!"

His jaw clinched and bared his teeth and he tried to hold back the tears from flowing from his eyes to the ground, maybe he at least look somehow respectful at his final moments.

"Have you lost your will to live already?" the voice echoed again.

"What can I do?" the thought crossed his mind "he's huge, and I'm half way in the grave already. I don’t know how many of my bones AREN'T broken. It's hopeless".

"Are you willing to just sit here and die? This is not like you, to give up"

"Is it?" Ethan released a whisper, talking to himself as the ogre stood above him, looking down on him with a victorious grin of three rotten teeth. The ogre began raising his club above, readying it for the final strike to end the chase and finish his collection.

"Itz ovah!" he declared, smiting down his mighty log downwards to the ground.


Miraculously Ethan managed to roll over, dodging the life-ending strike with renewed energies and eyes reflecting rage and determination.

"I'm not willing to die yet you filthy piece of shit" Ethan declared. The Ogre looked annoyed, and yet somewhat surprised that Ethan managed to find the strength to continue; this broken shell that just moments ago accepted death looked at from down below, covered in its own blood with eyes of a predator, sure of his victory and bloodlust.
The ogre began raising his log once again. Ethan jumped atop it, and as it rose he jumped from it towards the giants face. He clanged to one of his teeth, and with acrobatic ability he did not knew he had jumped to the filthy monster's head. One leg on his bald head and the second on his shoulder he sent his hand to his eyelid, pulling to expose his eye. Ethan had no tools, so he used the most basic one – his hand. As the ogre shouted with annoyance Ethan sent his second hand – fingers pointed – straight to the giants' eye, piercing it to his palm join deep. The ogre began screaming with pain as blood poured from his eye socket. He sent his hand, grabbed Ethan and threw his away. The young man, rather acrobatically and with cat like instinct, managed to land on his feet several yards away from the enraging monster. He stood up and gazed upon it as it flailed angrily, holding his face with pain and scream for his penetrated eye. Ethan spat some blood aside, clearing his mouth, keeping his eyes on his formal predator with determined killer eyes. He kneed, picking up a metal bar which broke from all the mess the both created. He held this foot long metal bar with a strong grip, standing his ground.
The ogre eventually stopped the flailing and saw his target. With enraged roar he charged towards the human, as expected raising his club for another attempt to strike him. With snake like agility Ethan slipped with a dash towards the ogre just as he started lowering his club. Whatever happened to Ethan he was stronger. Faster. The task of slipping between the giants legs while shoving the metal bar into his knee cap and dodging the mighty club proved to be easy for him all of a sudden. The giants' knee cap shattered as the metal bar pierced it. He fell over and rolled, losing grip of his club. He rolled until he hit with a thundering thump into a truck. He attempted to move his leg and stand up, but the attempt proved futile. Ethan turned around to see his enemy beaten, immobilized and with a sparkle of fear in his eyes. He marched towards the log which left his master.

"Who…what…" the ogre seemed confused as he was terrified by his former pry.

"Me?" he whispered, putting both his hands on the log, releasing a chuckle which could only be described as somewhat evil "I am the pry turned hunter. Survivor. Human. I don’t know…but right now? I am your end, and your ass is mine".

He hugged the log, lifting it from the ground. He raised it and smashed the ogre face with a mighty blow which tore his head in half with a bone crunching sound of breaking skull and breaking wood as the log broke in half; lunching blood stained splinters at all directions.
Ethan took a deep breath and turned his head around to the sound of closing footsteps. The stranger reappeared in the lot, seen marching toward his with glare of relief on sparking from his bum face. Ethan just stood there, looking at the broken glass on the ground, minding his reflection of a young man covered in torn clothes, stained in both his enemy's and his own blood.
The stranger was right; he realized he was chosen to partake in something big he doesn’t understand at the moment, something a normal human being could never believe. He took a life of a mythical being with his bare hands and alone. He felt changed – stronger, faster, smarter. Evolved and reborn.
Whatever he was meant to do – it was time for him to start.

"They will be pure of heart and clear of minded,
In the best armor ill forge them and the mightiest arms they will wield.
As a great phoenix they will sweep through the earth scorching evil wherever it lies.
Shall never turn away from duty until their dying breath.
In war – victory;
In failure – lesson;
In hardship – challenge!
They are my sons, blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh.
They are the guardians of mankind – and they shall no know fear!"
- Daniel Talonious, founder of The Guardians order.

June 18th, 2014, 04:18 PM
My first suggestion would be to format this a bit. Instead of making it big walls of text, separate everything so that it is easier to read. I made this mistake, and the advice given to me was this: Simple trick here, too: restructure your paragraphs. Any dialogue should be out in the open, easy to see in a separate paragraph. Big blocks like this muddled everything together.

He had a green-grayish eyes I think saying that "He had green-gray eyes" sounds a little better.
From first glare he would not stand out in a crown by any stretch of the imagination. Do you mean crowd?
His eyes were green and grass, Green as grass, maybe? Green and grass seems a little redundent
Only I can finally arrange a date with Her I would say to remove the only from the sentence

Very interesting story you have here. I'm left wondering what happened to make him change all of a sudden, and that's a good thing. I'm going to assume it's all part of the plot? Overall very nice work. I'd definitely read more of it if I could.

June 18th, 2014, 05:08 PM
thanks for the advice, I did the modifications you suggested.
and yes, all a part of the plot.