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Nicholas McConnaughay
June 17th, 2014, 11:13 PM
I was hoping that anybody looking at this would review it in installments. I know that a lot don't like reading the longer ones, that's why I did the little numbers. :salut:
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Rating: G
Word Count: There's installments, but basically, each installment will be less than 1,000 words.
Feedback: The Usual. Basically, you notice a typo, a clunky sentence, or anything like that. Pretty much what I want.
Author's Comments: I really, really, really don't know what to say about this one. Basically, I was having a discussion with somebody on Facebook, and I asked her, "Give me an idea for a story." Jokingly, but I like it when somebody gives me a random set of themes, so I can put them together. She told me to write a Lion King fan-fiction. I declined, but I snagged the "Lion" aspect. I would, in-fact, write a story about a lion. I asked her a couple of more questions, ... what he wants out of life. Whether or not he is part of a pride, ... and she gave me some very difficult guidelines to follow. Including, but not limited to, an infatuation with the color green. I don't know how long it will be, likely around the size of a novelette, but it has been therapeutic for me. Basically, I have been writing this other work with very dark subject material, so it's nice to be able to put myself into this. I tried to give it a light-heart and silly side of things.



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1

There are tales about strength; ones that will make you appreciate the fighting spirit in each of us. There are stories about great warriors and all of the great things they have done.

His claws were defined. They cut through the dirt like knives without even trying. His presence was stellar, that of a ferocious beast. His mane was as magnificent and as striking as any in his pride.

Still, as he sobbed at the sight of a sleeping turtle, it was easy to see that this wasn’t going to be one of those stories. At least, not in the way one might expect.

This is the story of a lion named Vinci, and how he would never stop trying to be himself.

Vinci flailed his right paw up and down on the ground as he cried. His face was buried down in his left. He could feel the dirt sticking to his wet-face, but he did his best to ignore it. Vinci couldn’t accept that his dear-friend, Mister Turtle, had passed on. He was up there now, chowing down on those big marshmallows in the sky. But, wait, what was this?

Vinci’s head poked up for a second. He sniffled, and wiped the dirt off his face with his paw. Mister Turtle, or Roger, as he insisted on being called, stared back at him with a confused look on his face.

“You’re alive!” Vinci exclaimed before snatching the small turtle up by his old, grey shell and hugging him tight. “I thought I lost you.”

“Do we have to do this every time that you see me taking a nap?” the turtle asked dreamily.

Roger always had that sophisticated and intelligent way of speaking that Vinci loved. Mister Turtle was so smart. Roger always yammered on about something called emollition or something like that. It was this really cool idea about how when animals have trouble with something, they can adapt or tweak something to make it where they don’t have trouble with it anymore. Vinci put Roger down softly on the ground and looked at him with big, watery eyes.

“Do you know what today is?” Vinci asked excitedly. He hopped up and down like a bunny rabbit while he asked. “Do you? Do you? Do you!?”

“No, but I am most certain that you are going to tell me.”

Vinci stopped hopping and took a more serious face. He wore the face of somebody deeply hurt. “I don’t think I am going to tell you now.”

He turned around swiftly, sat down and crossed his arms like a small bear when he didn’t get the last jar of honey. If the turtle could see him, he’d know that Vinci was smiling.

“Very well,” Roger responded dryly.

“You talked me into it!” Vinci yelled out before turning around with a giant grin. “Luke is taking me out to go hunt. He says it’s time that I finally get out-there and start providing for the pride.”

Roger looked skeptical. His scruffy, old face contorted into something that wasn’t exactly easy on the eyes. “Why would Luke, the leader, of all lions, take an interest in helping you hunt?”

“I don’t know! Maybe he sees potential in me?” the lion could hardly hold his excitement while he spoke. “He just came up to me and told me that he wanted to take me to hunt.”

“That’s good for you, Vinci, but be careful. You have never been out hunting before.”

Roger might have been a terrible grouch, but Vinci knew that he always had his best interest at heart.

“Relax, Roger, if I run into any trouble, Luke is going to be there.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Roger mumbled quietly, but Vinci wasn’t paying attention. He noticed that Luke was coming to them. Luke was the most widely respected of all of the lions. Vinci might have held his own with some, but as a lion, he was scrawny compared to the leader of his pride. Luke’s strength was apparent from his disposition alone. He carried himself with such pride and confidence that anybody could have looked at him and seen why he was the leader.

“Vinci,” Luke said. His voice was calm and plain; cool like the air when the fireball in the sky went down.

Vinci smiled a big-grin, but didn’t receive one in return. This was the time to be fierce, thought Vinci.

After all, they were on their way to hunt.

And so, he snarled his teeth and brought with him the meanest look he could muster.

Luke glanced back at him, confused. He led the way.

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2 Vinci hadn’t ever ventured far into the trees before. He would usually just stay with the rest of the lions on the outskirts of the jungle. There was less clutter this way, and he didn’t have to worry about getting lost. That seemed like an easy task when he looked around at everything.

Eyes gazing up at the scenery, everything looked new and unique. The trees looked taller and larger. They were covered in patches of moss, with bark poking out on rare occasion. There were vines and green leafs everywhere.
It was almost all green.

He loved the color. It was his favorite.

“What’s your favorite color?” Vinci asked, trying to start up a healthy dose of conversation.

Meanwhile, Luke slashed and climbed over any of the vines like he had done it one million times before. Vinci merely tried to stay out of his way.

“What?” Luke turned his head back at Vinci. There was a tad of something in Luke’s voice, but Vinci couldn’t find a word to describe it. It wasn’t the sound of somebody deeply intrigued, it wasn’t the sound of somebody interested in what was being said, but it might have been the antonym to both of those things. However, he couldn’t exactly remember what the word antonym meant.

Vinci smiled in-turn. Luke was so cool. And by extension, since Vinci was his best-friend, that meant he was also pretty darn neat. “You know, like, what’s your favorite color, mine’s green.”

“The first thing that you need to learn about hunting is absolute silence. Stillness and serenity.” He stopped for a moment; this next word was going to be important, he even did a hand-gesture for emphasis. “Quietude.”

He sounded serious, like somebody that cared deeply for the words. The best hunter of all the lions, Luke played the part well.

“You stalk your prey. You watch after them. Get in their head. Until finally … every step that they make, you predict it before they can even make it. That’s what it means to be a hunter, Vin.”

Air came into Luke’s lungs and left soon after, an audible exhale that told wonders about him. He wasn’t sighing because he was bored or disinterested, but because the hunt hadn’t already started. His teeth were on-edge and his mouth was watery. He wanted something between his teeth, a rabbit, perhaps?

Vinci understood how stressed Luke was from his disposition alone. He did his best to leave him alone for a little while. There was the chirping sound of a couple of birds, the ooh and ah’s of some monkeys up in the trees, and the occasional sound of a croaking frog at a nearby creek. The sound of the faint streams swishing down at the small creek, small ledges making it fall down like a baby waterfall. All of it was pleasant. Vinci liked it all a lot more than he thought he would. He occasionally found himself humming the tunes of the other animals, but stopped once he noticed that he was disturbing Luke’s concentration.

It started to feel like ages since he had said anything. However, it had only been a couple of minutes. Luke was so deeply enthralled with everything around him. He didn’t just hear the sounds around him; he felt the sounds around him. Didn’t just feel, he breathed. At last, Vinci decided that it was time to put a rest to the tension and found the courage to share a thought that had been with him for a while.

“I feel like you’re the kind-of guy that likes blue, do you like blue?” Curiosity pointed in the fellow lion’s direction. Luke’s lips went up, showing his teeth. They were jagged and pointy, like he spent his free-time sharpening them on the innocent. He grimaced at Vinci upon turning his back to him, letting out a strident sound of annoyance. Being a hunter means absolute silence, Vinci said in his head.

“Quietude,” Vinci worded aloud, repeating what Luke said, “Got it.”

Vinci followed Luke as closely as he could without literally rubbing up against him. He was trying not to be too much of a burden to him. There was nothing that he disliked more than being yelled at. Everyone else at the pride was real-quiet with him when he made a mistake. They didn’t turn red or get furious. They might have been mad or upset, but they didn’t scold him for it. Luke was different with him. He would yell a lot. Sometimes, he would yell even when Vinci didn’t do anything wrong.

Vinci tried not to let it bother him. That was the way that Luke had to handle things as a leader.
Besides, there was a time or two when he actually deserved it, like that one time when he accidentally dropped a big rock on Luke’s tail. In his defense, the rock had a really cool silver-stripe in the middle, and would’ve looked great in his collection.

Luke called him a worthless brat and chucked the rock out into the jungle.

aliveatnight
June 18th, 2014, 03:58 PM
Nice story! I love stories being told by an animals pov, so that's an extra bonus :)

The human actions that were being performed by the animals (such as hugging Roger and throwing the rock into the jungle) provided some very interesting mental images. Now how would that work exactly? Just something to think about.

The only other thing that confused me was this sentence: And by extension, since Vinci was his best-friend, that meant he was also pretty darn neat. I thought that Roger was Vinci's best friend? Did I miss something?

That's it though! I thought you did a good job making the characters, I can really feel who they are. If you have any more, I'd be more than happy to read it.

Nicholas McConnaughay
June 18th, 2014, 10:01 PM
The only other thing that confused me was this sentence: And by extension, since Vinci was his best-friend, that meant he was also pretty darn neat. I thought that Roger was Vinci's best friend? Did I miss something?

Everyone is Vinci's best friend. Whether they like him or not. :)

Thanks for reading...