View Full Version : a very controversial look at Catholicism

June 2nd, 2014, 04:36 AM
They say when you go to hell your punishment is dictated by your actions. A lake of fire for liars. An eternal hanging for those who committed suicide. An endless blizzard for betrayers.

I arrived in hell on the day of my 22nd birthday. My girlfriend that day had admitted to cheating on me. I remember because I starting listening to "Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi after she told me. I hear that song every now and then, it reminds me of her and Ricky.

I didn't think my characteristics of who I was deserved that kind of treatment. But as I continued to look in the mirror that evening, I failed to see any redeeming qualities. Beer followed, then a hit of ecstasy, then a line of coke, followed by more ecstasy.

I hated staring at myself. I hated the fact that I wasn't strong enough to prevent the failures in my life. That I wasn't strong enough to stand up Mike Ackan after he called me a faggot in middle-school. That I wasn't strong enough to be a starter on the football team, or the lacrosse team, or the track team. That I wasn't strong enough to start a conversation with the girl in photoshop class.

I had no memories of where I felt good about myself. My whole mantra was not to think of who I was, because frankly, it depressed me. Every thought and every action I took was a step backwards. One might look at me and assure it's a learning point. But to what end? There was no end. The few good moments I had were nothing to me because of who I was and am.

I wouldn't necessarily call my death a suicide, because I assure you it was more along the lines of going out with a "bang". I didn't pull the trigger to the bullet that blew my brains onto the pavement. I didn't call the cops on myself. And most certainly didn't cheat on myself with an overgrown dick named Ricky.

They called my actions at the trial, and I quote, "Demeaning, inciting, rude, unchristian like, and unpatriotic". The jury had no trouble convicting me of two murders and all the above mentioned. I tried to say my piece, but they would hear none of it. They simply said at the end of the trial, "You are not worthy. You are nothing in the eyes of our father, you have no place here, you haven't been to a catholic mass in 10 years, and lastly I have no dismissal of the jury's decision to rule your death as a suicide."

My attorney spoke for me and got me a "Decent deal in hell" right next to the homosexuals. Who were stuck being cut and eviscerated over and over by a large bush of thorns. It wasn't too bad because my eternity of being hung seemed a cake walk compared to how they had it. I mean, common, I killed two people, kinda in cold blood. All they did was have sex with people they loved and cared about.

My friend Rico, who I knew in college is right next to me. So it's not too bad. For him it is though, since he's gay. Or was. They actually mentioned how I had no hatred towards gays in my trial. I simply replied, "I see nothing wrong with it" they gasped. I laughed.

I was surprised that this was the afterlife. I feel like heaven is like an endless episode of "I love Lucy" where people are christian and upstanding. Live in their perfect fairy-tale world and live their lives, err.. after lives.

I heard everyone gets a mansion up there. I'm so jealous but at the same time I'm not. I like my tree. I like Satan's music, and quite frankly, I like the view of the lake.

June 2nd, 2014, 04:45 AM
I like it. It found it rather enjoyable. You did misspell mantra in the 5th paragraph though.

June 2nd, 2014, 05:27 PM
Hmm....I'm imagining this is piece is Satire, so I'm moving forward with that assumption. If I'm honest, this could express your ideas more thoroughly. I imagine you're trying to go with a shock value in the trial but to be honest, it came across rather weak. Honestly, I feel like this was more of a blog post than a narrative. I wish you'd go into much deeper detail on the events, perhaps comparing the trials on Earth to the ones in Hell. Towards the end you start getting descriptive and I was starting to get pulled in but then you stopped. I mean, he's permanently stuck hanging from a tree, he's got nothing but time to think so might as well expand on it. It's a nice base but there's plenty of room to grow this into something a bit more.

On a personal note, I've always viewed Hell as the place they make demons, so, that might be a good angle to go with this, where after enough pain and torture, he becomes an embittered demon himself to torture others and life goes on. Just an idea.

June 2nd, 2014, 05:40 PM
Wait, I'm confused: is he a murderer, or did he kill himself (or both)? The trial convicted him of murder, was the 'suicide' his execution? I think some clarification would be useful here, and you could increase the shock value Epemeral^ mentions and strengthen the trial device while you do so.
A few quick grammar things, "common"? or "come on"?
"I hear that song every now and then; [semi-colon rather than comma]"
"My friend Rico, who I knew in college, [comma added] is right next to me..."