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View Full Version : Prologue, I guess? Intro. 284 Words. Experimental.



InS_ght
May 26th, 2014, 05:55 AM
Hey! Lemme know if this tweaks your interest. It's a polished up little something that spilled out of my pencil when I was on the bus a few days ago.
Does it make you want to read more?


Enter Vraxus

Some would have called it vandalism, but rather lose their tongues they held them in quiet reserve. The royal house knew no such thing as moderation when it came to pasting the propaganda posters wildly along the streets of Undercity, regardless of how violent the images became. So many gallons of adhesive were used that the air became thick and pasty. Choking fumes leaked from the glazed walls for weeks afterward, leaving nothing but shiny posters of pastel colors and bold letters.

“THE RIGHT TO FIGHT!” screamed over and over again at passerby.

“FEAR THE NIGHT, FEAR THE ENEMY” forcefully crept into the back of peoples skulls to fester.

“STRENGTH THROUGH COOPERATION, UNITY THROUGH BLOOD” became an ever present whisper which never ceased to breath in the working mans ears.

Vraxus Ohmeghon, the mad Queen of mankind, was at war. She wanted no single citizen to forget this fact. Let the thunderous echoes of her iron fist sound out all across the empire. Let it ring in the ears of every man woman and child under her rule. May it rustle through the dying branches of the clear cut forests and sound out beyond the endless fields of industry. Upon the wind may her voice be heard by all that oppose the Ohmeghon nation.

Let them quiver in fear at the beast they have awakened.

May all those against them remember: the bloodline of man was one born of war, their hands built to carry out the deeds of valor. In this time of battle, let no child be birthed who does not proudly cry aloud the Ohmeghon creed.

“THE DOMINION OF OHMEGHON PREVAILS!”

“THE DOMINION OF VRAXUS PREVIALS!”

“THE DOMINION OF MAN PREVAILS!”

thepancreas11
May 26th, 2014, 06:38 PM
I think being that this is so short, it's hard to comment on the content. I will say that I think you would do better in piquing my interest if I actually got to meet the characters rather than hearing about them. Could they make an appearance? Could the plot points be revealed by dialogue rather than by explanation? You'd definitely attract a bigger following if your characters had voice.

InS_ght
May 27th, 2014, 04:03 PM
Right on. I should listen to my own advice and expand, heh. Thanks for stopping by