Cylver
May 16th, 2014, 08:36 AM
I've been quite worried about posting my work on here for a long time. I've been worried, Not about if someone will steal my work, or that posting might reduce chance of publishing somehow, but more-so because i'm worried about what feedback I will get.
I've never been good at taking feedback, I don't know how to respond and I often misunderstand, positive feedback makes me feel denial and negative feedback makes me feel like my work is never good enough, so yeah i'm bad at that. But I decided to put on my big boy mask and just post it and see what happens since those whom I have shown, have found it apparently great, much to my disbelief.
The Book of Chaos is my first novel in-progress, as the start of a series called Everrin Chronicles, it is a Fantasy Fiction novel inspired by my friendship group in secondary school (two years ago). The novel has been in planning for about a year and as of writing this i'm finishing up Chapter 2 although I have plans done for the entire book. So it is in very early development.
I guess I would just like overall feedback, so I can find out what works and what doesn't and how I can improve the writing in the future. The Prologue isn't very long, just over 1100 words but I feel it serves it's purpose as the start to the book. So without further ado, I present the Prologue; In The Beginning...
First chapter now up here (http://www.writingforums.com/threads/148092-Fantasy-The-Book-of-Chaos-Chapter-1-Shenanigans-of-a-God).
Prologue
In the beginning there was naught but two places, Somewhere and Nowhere.
Nowhere was a pitch-black void of nothingness. And somewhere, in the middle of Nowhere, barely visible in the blackness, was floating a man.
To himself, and to all those who know of him to this day, he is Danae, God of Death. He wore a long, black robe - the cause of his near invisibility - that covered the whole of his body except for his hands and the front of his head, the rest covered by a hood.
The one thing that made Danae stand out from anyone else who may have been floating around for no apparent reason, was that he was a skeleton. His humanoid skull and empty sockets stared emotionless into the nothingness, and his bony fingers sat curled in his lap.
His cloak molded comfortably into the holes between his ribs and attached by nothing to his back was a scythe made of bones.
The god sat there for a long time - that is if time even existed in this trans-dimensional zone of emptiness - floating in sub-space, never moving, just staring into the lonely abyss.
Suddenly in a fluid movement he reached into his right sleeve and removed from it a small yellow book with an orange strip on the cover that read in an ancient language “Meś et Evesair con ‘Dummies’” which of course, if you could understand the pre-historic language, read “How to make a Universe for ‘Dummies’”.
He then opened the book to the first page and decided to read it. Once again he sat there for a while, never turning a page, just staring through his empty eye sockets at the first page. Any who might have been watching him probably felt an aura of confusion emanating from him as well as their own confusion as to what the book said. Very suddenly he looked up and spoke in a calm, soothing voice that did not befit his appearance,
“Grenade.”
---
Meanwhile nowhere particular in Somewhere were sitting the only other two obvious entities currently in existence. Somewhere was a bright, white plain, and two gods were sitting on small wooden chairs facing each other. Unlike Nowhere, Somewhere had a floor as to not leave the beings floating in a random direction, what the floor was made of one could not tell though, it was just there.
On the left sat a magnificent being who wore a great, muscular suit of silver armor, trimmed with a golden strip around its edges. His helm covered the entirety of his face, his glowing green eyes just barely visible through the metal grating, out of the back fell a wavy, golden blonde, fake ponytail.
On each of his gauntlets was embedded an orb, his left hand’s orb held a purple essence and his right hand’s orb encased a golden essence. Just observing the orbs, let alone the one who they were bound to, was enough to leave anyone speechless. Unbeknownst to those observers though, the god had an ego bigger and stronger than his muscles which had a habit of driving people away.
He was and is the God of Warriors, known simply as Farjack. His left leg hung lazily off the chair while his right crossed over it, his right arm’s elbow resting on his tricep and his fist holding up his tilted head.
On the right, sitting in a more polite and comfortable manner was the god of Duality, Illusion and Vision, Zade. He was humanoid of shape and nature but he was far from human, his body consisted of two different colours, split vertically down the middle, the left half of his body was a pitch-black, darker than the nothingness of Nowhere and the other half was a blinding white, lighter than his current surroundings.
His body had no features besides fingers, as if he was wearing a full body morph-suit that covered all but his hands. His face was completely flat and featureless except for the two yellow, sideways diamonds that were his eyes.
The two sat looking at each other until finally Zade broke the silence with a voice that seemed to echo off of nothing, “This staring contest has been on for three millennia now and I’m bored, can we please stop?” The bottom half of his face moved as if a mouth should be there yet it wasn't, it was unnecessary because he communicated through telepathy but even he was creeped out by a voice that came from nowhere.
Farjack replied with a deep voice, that could move planets, “Fine we can finish…” Zade’s face moved as if to show that he was smiling, “…But first, blink.” He finished.
“We both know I am incapable of blinking so you’ll have to give up eventuall-“ the god was interrupted by a deafening, booming sound ringing through Somewhere from above, where a black spot was just visible on the white emptiness above. Both gods looked up briefly before returning to their staring lock,
“Not on your life.”
---
The boom still echoed throughout Nowhere, Danae - not exactly having ears - just sat there, floating and vibrating, until it stopped. In the distance he could now see a white spec in the abyss, in the opposite direction a grey spec now appeared, only just visible to Danae’s enhanced senses.
As the grey dot got larger he realized it was a sphere, floating casually towards the God of Death at the slow pace of around two-hundred miles per second. The, now panicking, god tried to float out of its path by flailing his limbs around in sub-space, to no avail.
What did I do to deserve this, he thought, accepting the inevitability of the situation. Now if you have ever been hit by a speeding car and propelled faster than should be physically possible while the car continues to press harder against you then I need not explain to you what was about to happen. If you have not experienced this, I recommend either spending your life trying to break several laws of physics or just ask those who have experienced it.
And this feeling just hit Danae flat in the chest cavity but he did not move, instead the object spontaneously combusted with the strength of a thousand dying suns.
---
Something landed next to Farjack with a quiet thump. Being careful not to avert his gaze from the other god, he picked it up. The object was what appeared to be a yellow book, the egotistical deity was not one to read but opened it anyway, relieved to find that the book only had one page, and for that matter only one word. “Grenade?”
“Oh dear.” Echoed Zade. Farjack followed his rivals eyes upwards to what used to be the black dot, and was now blue fire rapidly approaching. The two were drenched in energy and heat. When the light finally faded, Somewhere and Nowhere were no more.
I've never been good at taking feedback, I don't know how to respond and I often misunderstand, positive feedback makes me feel denial and negative feedback makes me feel like my work is never good enough, so yeah i'm bad at that. But I decided to put on my big boy mask and just post it and see what happens since those whom I have shown, have found it apparently great, much to my disbelief.
The Book of Chaos is my first novel in-progress, as the start of a series called Everrin Chronicles, it is a Fantasy Fiction novel inspired by my friendship group in secondary school (two years ago). The novel has been in planning for about a year and as of writing this i'm finishing up Chapter 2 although I have plans done for the entire book. So it is in very early development.
I guess I would just like overall feedback, so I can find out what works and what doesn't and how I can improve the writing in the future. The Prologue isn't very long, just over 1100 words but I feel it serves it's purpose as the start to the book. So without further ado, I present the Prologue; In The Beginning...
First chapter now up here (http://www.writingforums.com/threads/148092-Fantasy-The-Book-of-Chaos-Chapter-1-Shenanigans-of-a-God).
Prologue
In the beginning there was naught but two places, Somewhere and Nowhere.
Nowhere was a pitch-black void of nothingness. And somewhere, in the middle of Nowhere, barely visible in the blackness, was floating a man.
To himself, and to all those who know of him to this day, he is Danae, God of Death. He wore a long, black robe - the cause of his near invisibility - that covered the whole of his body except for his hands and the front of his head, the rest covered by a hood.
The one thing that made Danae stand out from anyone else who may have been floating around for no apparent reason, was that he was a skeleton. His humanoid skull and empty sockets stared emotionless into the nothingness, and his bony fingers sat curled in his lap.
His cloak molded comfortably into the holes between his ribs and attached by nothing to his back was a scythe made of bones.
The god sat there for a long time - that is if time even existed in this trans-dimensional zone of emptiness - floating in sub-space, never moving, just staring into the lonely abyss.
Suddenly in a fluid movement he reached into his right sleeve and removed from it a small yellow book with an orange strip on the cover that read in an ancient language “Meś et Evesair con ‘Dummies’” which of course, if you could understand the pre-historic language, read “How to make a Universe for ‘Dummies’”.
He then opened the book to the first page and decided to read it. Once again he sat there for a while, never turning a page, just staring through his empty eye sockets at the first page. Any who might have been watching him probably felt an aura of confusion emanating from him as well as their own confusion as to what the book said. Very suddenly he looked up and spoke in a calm, soothing voice that did not befit his appearance,
“Grenade.”
---
Meanwhile nowhere particular in Somewhere were sitting the only other two obvious entities currently in existence. Somewhere was a bright, white plain, and two gods were sitting on small wooden chairs facing each other. Unlike Nowhere, Somewhere had a floor as to not leave the beings floating in a random direction, what the floor was made of one could not tell though, it was just there.
On the left sat a magnificent being who wore a great, muscular suit of silver armor, trimmed with a golden strip around its edges. His helm covered the entirety of his face, his glowing green eyes just barely visible through the metal grating, out of the back fell a wavy, golden blonde, fake ponytail.
On each of his gauntlets was embedded an orb, his left hand’s orb held a purple essence and his right hand’s orb encased a golden essence. Just observing the orbs, let alone the one who they were bound to, was enough to leave anyone speechless. Unbeknownst to those observers though, the god had an ego bigger and stronger than his muscles which had a habit of driving people away.
He was and is the God of Warriors, known simply as Farjack. His left leg hung lazily off the chair while his right crossed over it, his right arm’s elbow resting on his tricep and his fist holding up his tilted head.
On the right, sitting in a more polite and comfortable manner was the god of Duality, Illusion and Vision, Zade. He was humanoid of shape and nature but he was far from human, his body consisted of two different colours, split vertically down the middle, the left half of his body was a pitch-black, darker than the nothingness of Nowhere and the other half was a blinding white, lighter than his current surroundings.
His body had no features besides fingers, as if he was wearing a full body morph-suit that covered all but his hands. His face was completely flat and featureless except for the two yellow, sideways diamonds that were his eyes.
The two sat looking at each other until finally Zade broke the silence with a voice that seemed to echo off of nothing, “This staring contest has been on for three millennia now and I’m bored, can we please stop?” The bottom half of his face moved as if a mouth should be there yet it wasn't, it was unnecessary because he communicated through telepathy but even he was creeped out by a voice that came from nowhere.
Farjack replied with a deep voice, that could move planets, “Fine we can finish…” Zade’s face moved as if to show that he was smiling, “…But first, blink.” He finished.
“We both know I am incapable of blinking so you’ll have to give up eventuall-“ the god was interrupted by a deafening, booming sound ringing through Somewhere from above, where a black spot was just visible on the white emptiness above. Both gods looked up briefly before returning to their staring lock,
“Not on your life.”
---
The boom still echoed throughout Nowhere, Danae - not exactly having ears - just sat there, floating and vibrating, until it stopped. In the distance he could now see a white spec in the abyss, in the opposite direction a grey spec now appeared, only just visible to Danae’s enhanced senses.
As the grey dot got larger he realized it was a sphere, floating casually towards the God of Death at the slow pace of around two-hundred miles per second. The, now panicking, god tried to float out of its path by flailing his limbs around in sub-space, to no avail.
What did I do to deserve this, he thought, accepting the inevitability of the situation. Now if you have ever been hit by a speeding car and propelled faster than should be physically possible while the car continues to press harder against you then I need not explain to you what was about to happen. If you have not experienced this, I recommend either spending your life trying to break several laws of physics or just ask those who have experienced it.
And this feeling just hit Danae flat in the chest cavity but he did not move, instead the object spontaneously combusted with the strength of a thousand dying suns.
---
Something landed next to Farjack with a quiet thump. Being careful not to avert his gaze from the other god, he picked it up. The object was what appeared to be a yellow book, the egotistical deity was not one to read but opened it anyway, relieved to find that the book only had one page, and for that matter only one word. “Grenade?”
“Oh dear.” Echoed Zade. Farjack followed his rivals eyes upwards to what used to be the black dot, and was now blue fire rapidly approaching. The two were drenched in energy and heat. When the light finally faded, Somewhere and Nowhere were no more.