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Riptide
April 19th, 2014, 04:55 PM
The Magician (Actually... it really shouldn't stand alone like this. It connects to the Fool.)

Bare chest
with confidence above the rest.
He points up with one hand,
a wand grasped above.
Down with the other,
his finger at the ground.
In front of him lies
all the suits.
He's truth,
he's the in between
for this world
to the next.
Red cape,
white gown.
He's a mix,
with his glowing sign
above his head.

Flight through the sky, he landed with a thumb, nearly about to die. He sat there with his legs tucked in and his butt taking the blow. Some how, though, he was alive, but he could not move. He cocked his head, and waited some time. His mobility never came again, so longer he waited. Fool turned his head up,a scowl on his face now. The bluest of bluest skies had turned a daunting color of gray.

Fool cried out, his mighty rage taking over. A fall to low grounds, and now he's stuck as the morning sun fades away, passed the town he was supposed to be. When he had all but given up, opting to sleep out the storm as a few droplets pelleted down to the ground. A glowing brightness engulfed him so, and walking forward, a man more than just a man appeared. Fool watched as the man stepped closer, gravel crunching under his steps. He looked straight ahead, thoughts even and focused, or so Fool thought.

The man radiated a shine above his head, almost in shape of an eight turned, and even though no wind blew, his red cape fluttered behind. He had a simple smile stretched across his face, as one hand pointed up, a wand straight towards the clouds, and the other down, a finger at the ground. His flowing white garments held together by a snake biting both ends. His gaze unsettling, but charming indeed. He nodded towards the boy.

“Why do you sit and stay?”

Fool didn't know what to say. A silence had him dumb.

“Fool, I know your name. Do you know mine?”

Fool stuttered out an answer, one without much meaning or rhythm. “No sir, but one magnificent, I'm sure.”

“I guess you could say that's the truth, but only towards the few. My name is Magician. An in between.”

“What do you mean?” Feeling began to flow once again through Fool as his fingers twitched and his toes moved. “Ah, I feel once again!”

“Of course you do. You've always have. You've just had to believe to make it true. You think you can get back up?” Magician looked up, his wand at the cliff top.

Fool thought, a moment longer of rest, maybe, then he'll find a way.

“Really? Is that what you think?'

Fool got up. Magician was right, he needed to go now, or else he'll stay down below. “Thank you... sir?” But the magician was gone.

Scanning around, fool needed a way up. He began to climb, but slid straight down. He tried again, half way up he got, but his hand slipped and his foot missed, and back down towards the ground he landed. He rubbed his backside, an almost tear in his eye, but he shook that out and stood back up.

A way up? A game, maybe? A game towards the sky! Fool backed up, stopping with a boulder at his shoulder. Running, he leaped. His foot caught on a ledge and he bounded towards another. Gripping a hold, he pulled himself up. Flinging upward, his foot touched a point, pouncing towards the side. His fingers grasped a rock loosely hanging on, before he flipped and landed on his back on the rocky cliff where he once fell off.

Recon
April 21st, 2014, 07:19 PM
I like the way you can't the fool through his voice. The semi-narration serves to make him a clear main character and much more understandable. One thing you might try to work on is your imagery, though. It may just be me, but in both this and The Fool, I've had a hard time visualizing the characters. I notice in this one that the environs are easier to envision, but the characters remain elusive. At first I thought it was a lack of color, but then I went back and found a decent (if not exceptional) quantity of that; now I'm inclined to think your characters need more of an atmosphere. The Magician seems to be almost two-dimensional. Thinking of some conflicts or perturbances in his character that make him unique would probably help to make him linger in the mind better. I like the images that you're creating, but they lack the ability to truly stick. For that, I believe your best weapons will be metaphor and symbolism. Tarot cards are full of symbols; use that to linger on what each symbol/artifact means rather than rushing past them. A good description can take multiple paragraphs; two or three instead of one would give you more room to leave a lasting impression. Remember, you're introducing a character who will (in theory) show up a lot in your story. He needs to be memorable. That's why writers have historically used devices like the epithet to mark their characters distinctiveness.

It is, however, entirely possible that I am overestimating the importance of the Magician. If that is the case, you can probably get away with a brief description. In that way, he becomes a passing presence, not a narrative focus.

Edit: I should just point out one thing that bothered me. What color is the magician's magic? If he has a glowing halo, his magic must have some color to it.