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belthagor
March 9th, 2014, 11:43 PM
As I walked rhythmically along the street with my bread I noticed a nearby meat store. It was lunchtime, and I was drooling. Yet the content which excited me was not the store, but the fumes coming from its side. I walked in between the two buildings, as to surround myself with a mist, a heavy yet sweet fog. At just the right spot the air was smelling like a blend of smoked sausage along with some salamis and black pepper. As I stood I noticed a chair someone had thrown out, it looked clean and dry, plus I was wearing some of my plain clothing. I sat, took the smallest bread from my bags, and had lunch right then and there. The meat enclosed my hot bread and this was during the winter, the surroundings were blanketed with clear snow. Fin.

Any tips/comments will help =)

Carlos Danger
March 10th, 2014, 09:06 PM
Best title ever. Keep writing - premise is good.

KindaNice
March 12th, 2014, 08:10 AM
A nice, quick painting with words. I would suggest changing the placing of some of the periods, because some of your sentences have two independent clauses that are completely unrelated, and periods help the reader delineate between ideas. Examples - "As I stood I noticed a chair someone had thrown out, it looked clean and dry, plus I was wearing some of my plain clothing" and "The meat enclosed my hot bread and this was during the winter, the surroundings were blanketed with clear snow."

I loved the title; such a great hook!