PDA

View Full Version : The Dark Passage Part 2/3, 832 words



CraniumInsanium
January 29th, 2014, 04:31 AM
thanks for everyone's feedback :)

Zeynith
February 20th, 2014, 08:15 AM
Alright so I don't know much about horror writing but I am going to give this a shot :P
I think you need to build up the tension a bit. Go into more detail of the strange place he is seeing and show his fear. His heart racing, palms sweating as he gripped the towel bar. Probably would be good if he saw something before he ripped the bar off the wall too, maybe something strange and unknown that he is trying to follow? Like I said don't know much about the genre.

One other suggestion I have would be to add more dialog. Play out the conversation between Harry and his friend so we can get to know them better and get more invested.
Well that's all I got. Hope it helped. :)

CraniumInsanium
September 14th, 2015, 06:59 PM
Zeynith, I apologize it's taken me so long to reply to your comment. My writing lately (the past 6months) has been sporadic. In regards to the dialogue this was one of the stranger stories, in that dialogue is almost nonexistent for whatever reason the way this ended up playing out. I have made some revisions to 1/3 and 2/3 and the final Third which it doesn't look like I ever got around to posting. Tried to make some changes like others have suggested.